I lost my beloved Dad did not have a chance to say goodbye

I lost my Dad 10 days ago. He was 76. I am single and an only child and since the pandemic, I have been working from my parents' home to be there for them. He was a heavy smoker all his life and seemed thinner but otherwise fine. He woke up, had breakfast, showered and dressed, and was ready to get out. At first, we thought he was snoring loudly, that he had woken up too early and had gone back to sleep. But he wasn't. We went to check up on him. He was having a heart attack. We tried desperately to resuscitate him my Mom and I. I called 911 and they were at the house in 10 minutes, they tried everything but could not bring him back he was gone. I love my Dad so much. I am full of regret because I spent the last year unhappy and irritable blaming everybody for my choice to stay at a job I hated. I had not been speaking to my Dad that much because of that despite living in the same big house. We had ugly discussions as a family regarding business decisions my Dad made years ago that entailed the loss of property. It all seems so stupid. I still feel like I can see him going about his day, reading the newspaper, heading out in his truck to get a cup of coffee and the sweet bread he liked, and watching his favorite Netflix shows. I don't want to believe he is gone forever, that maybe he died not knowing how important he was to me. I cannot stop crying. I wake up at 3 am and can't go back to sleep. I don't know how I will manage going back to work on Monday. My strong Dad, who loved me unconditionally is gone. I am terrified of a future without him. I am angry at the world for moving on.

 

Barbara, I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad. Your Dad sounds like an amazing man, and believe me when I say he knew how important he was to you. As a parent I can say we know. Your Dad knew and he will be with you forever. He’s a part of you, he helped mold you into the person you are today. I believe our loved ones watch over over us and your Dad is there for you. I lost my Dad when I was 36, he was my super hero and I couldn’t imagine life without him. But I had 2 young children, a husband and a Mom to care for and I pushed through somehow. I also lost my husband, Ron, 5 years ago, to a massive heart attack like your Dad suffered. That was/is the worst day of my life. The loss of your Dad is so very recent, be sure to take care of yourself and be there for your Mom. Talk about him and share memories and cry, let it out. This site is full of people who understand what you’re feeling and we all support one another. Visit this site often and read and share thoughts and stories. It does help. A lot of people feel time heals but I feel time makes us stronger. You will get stronger with time but your Dad will always be with you.
sending you hugs and prayers. Robin

 

Dear Robin, thank you so much for your kind words. I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad and your husband. Sending hugs and prayers back to you. I am trying to make it through the day. Being reminded of everything he did, of his presence, of his voice, of how despite our very different personalities he was always there for me with unconditional love. I miss him every second.

 

Oh my Gosh! I lost my Mom suddenly too. She was fine. She was FINE- and then she wasn’t.
This is awful.
M mom was a heavy smoker too. I feel sometimes like I’m even mad at her because that contributed to her death. That makes me feel guilty. I didn’t talk to her as much as I wanted to before she died , and like you, it makes me feel guilty.
I wish I could have said goodbye.
It’s so hard and I feel for you , hon’
I wish I could make you feel better in some way.
Hopefully, just knowing you aren’t alone helps a little.
Hugs…❤️

 

Dear Karyl, I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Mom. I'm crying all the time. I've been told and I have read that crying helps but so far it hasn't. I cry and my Dad is still gone. I cry and I still miss my Dad like crazy. I cry and I still did not get a chance to tell him how much he meant to me, that he was cherished. It's hard living with this guilt of not being able to say goodbye. I don't have any answers but I thank you from the heart for your kind words. Know that I am here, we are here, sharing and grieving. Sending big hugs your way, Bárbara.