I Lost my beautiful wife.. the Love of my life

6 weeks ago this Friday..

We had been to doctors a few times, a couple months before..
She knew there was something wrong in her body, and she wanted to get answers..
They didn't treat her right or take her seriously..she already had a strong mistrust for doctors..
They took her blood, checked her liver enzymes..said it was all fine and prescribed her vitamins..
She still knew something wasn't right, so she found a primary care provider who was very nice, but still not very helpful or urgent in their process to find what was wrong ultrasounds and an Mri still didn't show her any real results..
She had a Catscan scheduled but didn't make it that long.

A few weeks before, she had texted me at work, saying she just threw up like 2 pints of blood..
I tried to get her to go to the hospital..
She didn't want to.

Apparently she had ripped a hole in her esophagus and stomach and was slowly bleeding to death from the inside..
She kept getting weaker..
Bleeding from everywhere..

2 days before, I get a text at work that just read..
I Need you.

So I came home and it was a mess..
She was falling apart.
I kept asking if she wanted me to call a doctor..
She didn't want that..
I stayed with her the entire time after that, watching her deteriorate, her mind slipping, her body failing.

Still asking if she wants a doctor.
I knew her wishes..
She always wanted to go out peacefully at home..
This kind of conversation escalated over the few weeks before..
I really feel like she knew, but didn't want to say anything to worry anyone.
So I stayed, kept it calm and peaceful for her..
Filled with anxiety and worry..
Til she finally deteriorated in my arms..
Un responsive.. eyes fixed..
I had to call the paramedics.
Against her wishes, I asked them to try and keep her alive.

She made it into the next day..
Unresponsive and hooked up to machines..
Just long enough for some friends and family to come say goodbye..
Her 14 year old daughter..
I Love Her so much and miss her..
But feel guilty for going against her wishes about keeping her alive, and even guilty about sharing this story..
I don't think she'd want me sharing her secrets..

 

I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like it was traumatic for you. I don't think you should feel guilty for sharing. You have to process what happened. I lost my husband 17 days ago. We were in the middle of a conversation and he collapsed and died. It was the electrical system in his heart. He is my love. And I just don't know how I will live without him. I just focus on making it through an hour at a time. And honestly, talking with people here who have suddenly lost their loved one, helps. I don't feel quite so alone. You can message me anytime you want.

 

Thank you, I'm so sorry for your loss too..
I'd love to chat whenever you like.
I'm about to head out to work but I have the next 2 days off..

 

Ok great. I'd love to chat too.

 

I'm having a hard time navigating this site..
Especially your messages, and I'm having a hard time having the patience.

I'm Jesse,
My number is 458-254-4299..
If you comfortable with that.
I'm not having much luck here..
I'm old.
I'm lost un this Technology
If you're comfortable.
Pls text me