I know there’s no wrong way to grieve but…

I'm glad you found my post meaningful! I stayed up until midnite reading old journals from 10 years ago and listening to vinyl album sides on WXRT. It was cool since my own stereo and records are long since packed for Monday's move. They ended with one of my fav records Allman Bros at Fillmore. Now I'm up at my usual 5am! LOL! I could never have done this before; the TeVee would be on an endless loop of Mama's Family DVDs!

 

Karen, I’m afraid I understand when you mention that you’re feeling worse this year. I hope your little family surrounded you with love and support like they’ve been doing and hopefully you had a few smiles too. My day was ok, glad it’s behind us. I told my daughter, brother and sis in law how thankful I am to have them. We talked about Ron a lot, I need to talk about him. And my son stayed in touch with me all day. I’m sure yours was in touch with you too Later in the day my sis in law said something that hurt my feelings and reminded me how she has no clue what I’m going through. Sadly I was relieved when they left. Prior to that it had been a nice day. I learned that they’re going to her daughters for Christmas and will stop by my house later in the day. I’m good with a short visit. Less chance of her saying something rude.
We had plans to go Christmas tree shopping today with my other brother today but it’s raining. I’m ok to stay home and try to relax.
I hope everyone here on GIC had a better day then they expected.

 

I wish we could talk on the phone too. I have a lot to say but it's harder to get it across in typing the sorry way I do! I think the reason I still can get into music is because Valerie wasn't into it much. I still can't listen to the "MaltShop Memories" CDs she liked.
I got through the day as well as I did because of you and TGWs!

 

I love how you made thanksgiving your own with loads of stuffing and mashed taters! And sliders! I know you miss her so much. But that was a special memory you shared. Ron loved my stuffing too. I didn’t add anything extra special it might be because he hated his Moms stuffing so much. Lol!

 

Thank you Gary I know you’re missing Cheryl extra. This is such a rough time of year. And you have the tribute coming up too. My day went ok fur the most part. Memories shared about Ron. He absolutely loved Thanksgiving. We made a feast together for so many years. Loved the smell of everything cooking on turkey day as he called it. I have so many pictures of him beaming holding the golden brown cooked turkey before carving it. He was missed and loved a lot yesterday. Then my SIL threw out a rude statement, like she likes to do. Then the brakes came up, walls went up. Held back the tears and waited for them to go.
Your day with your niece sounds like a perfect way to spend the day. Relaxing and with family. Getting through together. And your friend dropping off a plate. You have good people surrounding you.
Another day checked off. we have better days ahead that we’re all working towards. Robin

 

George, I wonder if we really AREbrothers! Our tastes, vs our wives', are so
similar. You & I liked quieter shows.We did
watch a lot of cooking & HGTV shows,
about living in houses, even though we
lived in an apartment. Linda thought the
solution to a better life, was to own our
own home. I was dubious, bc one can
still have bad neighbors ( loud children.
barking dogs, lawn mowers & snowblowers at the crack of dawn).
One HGTV show we both liked, was
Clean Sweep, where a team of experts
would come to a couple's home and
clear the house, into 3 sections: 1st, what to keep, 2nd, what to throw away, and 3rd,
what to donate. The team would send the
couple to a motel, while they worked on
their home. In some cases, the couples
chose to stay. Others decided to sell their
homes , like you (!), and move. We always
wished the Clean Sweep crew could help
us. When you told GIC about your
horrible task, I thought of that show. Lou

 

Your words of encouragement are so
welcome today. Thank you, Robin. I heard
good things about you, and you were
quoted by others, incl. Deb, that I finally
reached out to you, and I'm glad I did,
especially since you & I lost our soulmates
at the same time, 3 years ago. I had a
great day yesterday. So sorry your in-law
was an insensitive shit, as usual. Sadly,
she'll never change, unless her smug
world was shattered. The hell with her.
You're the better person. Lou

 

If we had cable or satellite maybe we could have watched that. Valerie did not like HGTV shows at all. I think they made her feel inadequate and guilty about all the mess she managed to pile up on literally every surface. I had a spare bedroom as my "office" and she resented this but I needed a spot mess and clutter free to do work like grade papers. Valerie wanted this house; but then she freaked out about it. I wish I had the sense and self-mastery in 2011 that I have now. But at least I hav it now to try to rebuild my life!

 

Yes, George, that's a good attitude, which
has taken me 3 years to figure out. We have to live in the present, and plan ( but
not worry ) about the future. Coulda,
Shouda, Woulda, does no good for us at all,
and, in fact, makes us depressed. So many
cliches come to mind, like we can't "unring
the bell". Believe me, I falter with that.
Yesterday was great for me, but Mr, Grief
( thank you, Karen) decided to slap me on
the side of my head, when I was waking up
this morning. I found out that people who
had tormented us in our apartment bldg,
had died. I wanted to tell Linda so much.
I wanted to talk with her, hug her for just
one day. But, then, I realized that if my
wish were miraculously granted, that I
wouldn't be able to let Linda go a SECOND
time. , , Lou

 

Thank you Robin for your kind words. I was able to have tears of joy instead of tears of grief thank you. My niece Laura embraced me a second time after we hugged goodbye yesterday And looked deep into my eyes. Laura told me when she picked up a decorative box by the handles that used to belong to Cheryl she felt Cheryl’ presence. I’m sorry you had another terrible encounter with the sister-in-law yesterday. Excuse me but she must be suffering from a serious mental illness. It makes you wonder what your poor brother has to endure. I’m having my own family feud too. I suspect Cheryl’s evil sister has turned the rest of her family against me because I told her (evil sister) I did not want anything to do with her. The neutral sister who usually contacts me on the holidays wishing me well didn't. I’m going to have to prepare myself Mentally for Cheryl’s tribute. Because right now I’m looking for a fight. George I am continually picking up on your positive vibes. Yeah we are all beaten up by Mr Grief but you are fighting the hardest. Cheryl paid the cable bill and was the queen of the remote. we only watched Gunsmoke nature shows and cowboy and western movies Together. Otherwise the TV was on MSNBC all day long. Cheryl was a political science major. We are fortunate to have two teachers among TGW. Hi Patti it’s good to hear from you. I’m sorry it’s so cold down there. I was able to get a deer this year. Thanks for asking. I hope you had a good thanksgiving. Lou (elder bro) thanks for your glue. I love you all. Gary

 

Oh so true! So much I would tell Valerie if I could... but Be extra kind to yourself and do something! I'm sure you will. Doing stuff is the best way to facilitate healing I think.

 

So glad my positive nature is helpful. I think negativity or blame or guilt is NOT helpful toward healing. with that said I'm all too often guilty especially that I didn't do more for her when I had the chance. reading journals from 10-12 years ago sure puts stuff of today in perspective! Peace my Zen Friend!

 

Gary, I could use some glue myself from
TGW this am. Mr. Grief punched me in
the fac

George, you & our middle brother, will
be happy to know that Shack Man is
planning to make an appearance at the
Shack bar at 4:30, so I can get a seat ( and
a seafood dinner), before the bar fills up.Everybody goes there on a Friday night.
It's the only night I go. Tomorrow morning
I have coffee, as I do every Sat am,at the
American Legion with a fun bunch of
veterans, who welcomed me, even though
I'm the only non veteran. Lou

 

Very good! It is so cold here! I'm glad you have stuff to do. When I move I hope to find somewhere to go to!

 

Good morning everyone, it’s such a comfort to have a place to check in.
I feel blessed to have had the day to myself yesterday. No bravery required, Lou. In fact I usually had to ‘borrow’ Kenn’s love of family gatherings to venture out on holidays.
I made nourishing food; spiced lentils (with cranberries for a festive touch,) lemon rice, red russian kale from our garden. Started the day with Christmas music to honor my mom, Frank, Bing, Dean… sent my dad off with Kenn’s warm winter jackets to pass along to a few of the guys coming through their holiday meal gathering. It was a good day.
I’ll catch up with your posts a little later as a forecasted reprieve from the wind & rain might allow me to play in the garden today, the weeds will have to wait their turn as I must focus on planting early spring blooming bulbs to give me something to look forward to. ~B

 

As I said before, Bernadine, you are an
amazing woman. I'm so glad you made
yourself a tasty, festive meal for
Thanksgiving. I'm also pleased, from an
older guy's standpoint, that you like
hearing the classic, timeless songs of
Sinatra, Dean Martin, and Bing Crosby.
I'm sure many of us do, especially Stacey,
who also loves "Old Hollywood" . Also,
that you kindly gave your father, Kenn's
jackets, to brighten the faces of strangers.

 

Patti,

As always, it's so good to "see" you. You are a truly amazing person... Preparing a small Thanksgiving dinner for yourself... I hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving feast, and spent the rest of the day doing things that bring you the most comfort... I know Jack would be so happy knowing that you are taking care of yourself the very best you possibly can. As always, you and all of TGW are in my daily prayers... I hope your eyesight is continuing to improve, that soon you will be able to "visit" us more often. Miss you...

As always, sending you and JayCee lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

George,

It seems like I'm getting here later and later every day, but I'm always thinking about you, about all of TGW.... I still have lots of catching up to do, but I hope today has been a much better one for you!!!, TU!!! Just LOVE!!! your way of thinking!!!, TU!!! Thanksgiving SUCKED BIG TIME!!!, but and this is another one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, today is a new day..., a fresh start. I always think to myself whenever I'm having a very bad day, that everything is always subject to change... This helps me get through the darkest of days.

I HATE!!! this seemingly endless ride on this tilt a whirl (thanks Lou!!!) of emotions, always hanging on as tightly as possible, hoping not to fall off. I'm trying to accept that life will always be so bittersweet... It makes me so sad whenever I think that every happy moment for the rest of our lives will never be just a happy moment. At best, there will only be a bit of sadness mixed into it. Losing the one true love of our lives just SUCKS!!!

I'm so glad that Monday is finally moving day. After Monday, hopefully you'll finally be able to get some much needed rest. You'll be able to take your time settling into your new apartment. I hope you love your new apartment and once settled, are finally able to make some new friends. I'm smiling thinking about this... a new apartment..., a fresh start... You truly are the UGW!!!, TU!!! I know you have made Valerie so very proud of you!!!, TU!!!

As always, sending you lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Thank you Lou, I should have expected her to be insensitive. But I was hoping she’d be on better behavior, foolish of me. And this this morning she texts me saying what a nice time they had. My mind went to is she feeling guilt. But no she’s just 100% ignorant. And I agree, to hell with her. I’m so happy to hear you had a nice day yesterday. I hate to admit that I’ve wished some of these people to get a taste of our world. GIC world. But I don’t really mean it, I’d like them to understand is all. I had a nice day today with my other brother snd wife. We all got Christmas trees and shopped in some Christmas boutiques.
I’m now looking forward to my son arriving on Monday. I’m giving him his dads winter coat to use while he’s here. Not sure what things you’ve heard, but thank you! I’m trying to catch up, some right now. I feel behind. Robin

 

Robin,

I read about your sister in law's horrible behavior on Thanksgiving. I'm so very sorry that she was so insensitive and said something that upset you on Thanksgiving. The timing of her comment really SUCKED!!! No time is a good time for one of her insensitive, thoughtless comments, but on a holiday, one that has so much meaning, holds so many beautiful memories, now all so bittersweet..., she couldn't have picked a worse time to open her mouth. Like you, I think she is "100% ignorant." I'm so glad you agree with Lou's comment, "to hell with her." That old saying, you can choose your friends, but not your relatives," is so true. Especially now, you need to be surrounded only by those who are here for you in the way you need them to be, who are able to support you in the way you need to be supported. She is definitely not one of them!!!, TU!!!

I'm so glad your son will be arriving on Monday. I love how you're giving him Ron's winter coat to use while he's visiting. I think he'll feel like he's wrapped up in one great big hug while he's wearing his dad's winter coat. Enjoy every second of your son's visit... I'm smiling thinking about you getting to spend some quality time with him between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Although yesterday turned out better than I expected it would, and I'm glad I went to my friend's house for Thanksgiving, it still was very bittersweet. Grieving SUCKS BIG TIME, TU!!! I'm emotionally and physically drained. All I want to do is to wrap myself up in my super soft bereavement blanket, make a cup of hot tea, and tune into something mindless on TV.

I hope tonight is a good one, or at least a mostly good one for you, many more smiles than tears...

As always, sending you and Teddy lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB