I know there’s no wrong way to grieve but…

Hi, Bernadine! Woke up briefly in the
middle of the night, and was amused by
your reply. At first, I thought it was Karen,
who specializes in short zingers. She
likes it when I say the names that Linda
called me. We had some quarrels, like
many couples do, but I'm trying to recall
the lighter moments, even if they're at my
expense. Lou

 

Happy turkey Holiday TGWs. Yesterday was quite busy and hard with moving stuff and dialysis. I still feel like a total writers block, but I read through all the posts I could find that I missed. I'm replying to this cuz it's the last one on the thread! I know all to well the strifes of furnace repairs and house related stuff... that's definitely one reason I'm moving. Valerie loved Christmas and Thanksgiving and we did our own thing. Last year was the last time she made her great chili for T-giving. Don't like turkey much! Or we'd get White Castle Sliders... We were such fun goofs! I've been getting up wide awake at around 3am. Today I woke up at 2am... and somehow made myself fall asleep until 4:55... What a miracle! I did a bunch of crying last night looking at Valerie's picture and talking to her. I know she'd be proud of me and think I'm a real badAss for selling this house and signing all those closing papers and calling insurance and stuff. I know there's stuff I'm probably forgetting but I refuse to blame myself. The time for blame is over! I really need out of this house with the holiday events coming, too many bittersweet memories! I don't know what to say I just want to wish all of you peace and much love!!!

 

Glad I sound upbeat! If I pretend to maybe I will be... or maybe this is the healing process. I still feel pretty bad a lot of the time. The process of moving sure is a distraction. Now I'm freaking out over what comes next! That is so cool how they are honoring Cheryl.

 

Pleasantly amused I hope.
We all do need the lighter moment, the remembered and the new.
Thank you, Lou for being so attentive to the group, it’s clear you are one of those people who has natural ‘glue’ abilities, keeping folks together.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I am grateful to be here with all of you.
I accidentally set a 4pm alarm on my phone for 4am and once the cat sees light she’s certain it’s time to eat and be released from the bedroom so I just might be up for the day.

Thanksgiving, ugh. I’m supposed to harvest the holiday brussels sprouts today. Kenn thought he didn’t like them until he had the young, roasted ones I make. He’s the only reason I gave up prime garden real estate for them. They were this year’s novelty crop (try one new thing just to see what’s possible) Brussels sprouts are pest attracting monster plants, with a Long growing season so they won’t be returning to the garden next year even if they are delicious this winter.

I wasn’t able to figure out when or how you all are meeting up tonight, if there is away to participate I will. ~off to feed Tai, the cat. Bernadine

 

Bernadine going through the shock of losing Kenn and the effects of widowers foggy brain is beyond traumatic. Stress causes our brains to dump excess amounts of adrenaline and cortisone into our system. the body can’t process it fast enough. That’s why our thinking is so distorted and confused now. It was really bad for me six weeks after Cheryl passed. but I am still feeling the effects of it now. Now toss in all the decisions that need to be made quickly and our stress level goes off the chart. Be very kind and gentle to yourself. We have all been through this and we know exactly what you’re going through. When I get up in the morning I sit in front of my happy light 30 minutes and read my daily meditations. I have oatmeal walnuts honey and cranberry for breakfast. Then I do my physical therapy and my tai chi stretches. After that I get on the computer and go to aa.org and play “staying sharp games.” This prepares me for the day. It’s good that you have garden to tend. It’s nice to know your plants need your tender touch and your loving care. I’m sending you a virtual hug and you will stay in my thoughts. Gary

 

Happy Thanksgiving, Bernadine. I read
your compliment about my being the
"glue" who brings people together. Thank
you. I hope I don't get a "swelled head" bc
Deb said the same thing. My 2 younger
" brothers", Gary & George, look up to me.
( That strikes me funny, bc, as I told Gary,
I'm shorter than they are!). You are a funny
woman yourself, Bernadine. I think a
believe in God, a belief that I had a strange
life of manic depression long before Linda,
and a sense of humor, had kept me grounded. I learned that my life's remaining purpose is to be kind, and to
help people. Thank God for GIC, especially
today. Lou
,

 

Happy Thanksgiving, middle brother! I've
noticed that your wording & help to other
GW have gotten stronger. Bernadine called
me the "glue" who brings people on GIC
together. But, I have to say that I taught my
younger brothers well, and they are
leaders, in compassion, too. Lou

 

George,

You said it best!!!, TU!!! I know Valerie is VERY!!! proud of you!!! You are definitely a "real badass!!!", TUGW!!! WTYG!!!
I've been struggling lots lately too, the reason I've been MIA for so long... BUT!!!, hearing how well you're doing is making me smile big time...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Thanks Deb I needed to hear that... I'm sorry you have been struggling. I am not doing good today but I keep trying to get around it or at least accept it. Knowing I'm making you smile big time will increase my efforts to get through today. I'm not going anywhere or doing anything! And I don't care! Had left over Chinese for breakfast. Some stale bagels are lunch... dinner????? We'll see what TB sez. We will get through this! We are TGWs!!! Much LOVE!

 

Bernadine,

Just getting caught up. I've been stuck at the bottom of that seemingly endless roller coaster ride of emotions for way too long... the reason I haven't been around much, plus technical difficulties with this site, hopefully!!!, finally permanently fixed!!!, TU. When I read that you said that Lou has "glue abilities," my thoughts exactly. Gary said that George is the UGW (Ultimate Grief Warrior, so true... And I think that Lou is the UPM (ultimate people magnet.) If it wasn't for Lou, I don't think we would be as close as we now are.

I'm so glad you're now officially one of TGW...

I hope to be around much more after today...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

George,

Do whatever you have to do to get through today as painless as possible. Instead of mixing some fruit and hemp hearts into some Fage Zero plain yogurt, my usual breakfast, I started off the day with a pumpkin spice RX Bar and lots of caffeine. I really need it injected IV style this morning!!!, TU!!!

Although there is a big part of me that doesn't want to go to my friend's house for Thanksgiving dinner, I decided to go. I think it's better than the alternative, seeing those doors to the guest bedroom and bathroom still closed... a constant reminder of the worst days in my life... Plus, I want more than anything to make Bob proud of me, the way you're making Valerie so proud of you.... You are the UGW!!! You are an inspiration to me, to all of us.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

You are so kind! Send that Caff IV my way please! I'm so tired today. !!!

 

George,

Maybe you and I are tied today, for having Uncle Fester beat (thank you Stacey!!!), in the bag department!!!

Sending lots of extra hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Wow, Deb! I think your caffeine is kicking
in, BIG TIME!!!. Gary once called you the
"Den Mother" of our group, but I thinkp

of you as the "Cheerleader" today, in spite
of your apprehension of going to
Thanksgiving alone. But, and here's a
BIG BUT!!!,as you would say, you will
NOT be slone, when you're in the company
of good people.And now, on a lighter note,
I want to tell you, and our friends, Karen
and Bernadine, in particular, another
name Linda called me: The Ultimate
Wise Ass ( UWA) !! These initials started
with TGW. I think I've created a
Frankenstein monster! Lou

 

Lou,

I laughed when I read Bernadine's message to you... so on target!!! Great minds think alike... It is now official, you are the UPM!!!

Although so bittersweet, enjoy spending Thanksgiving with some of your very best friends... Linda will be with you in spirit, as she always is. I know you would have made her so very happy today...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou,

I can't stop laughing!!! I didn't think this was possible today... Once again you did it!!!, TU!!! I LOVE!!! the UWA!!!, TU!!! I think you might have created a "Frankenstein monster" too... But, and this is another one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, you set yourself up for this one, lol (don't know how to add emojis on GIC)

Enjoy your day... TTYL...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Oh, great, Deb. You didn't mean to, but as
soon as you mentioned Linda's spirit, I
did a boo hoo and reached for my kleenex.
Fatima wrote a book called One in Spirit.
She & Brian, her husband, dedicated her
book to me at my birthday party. I will
tell them about GIC, and what a leader YOU
are, when they drive me to Kim's home
for Thanksgiving dinner. Lou

 

Deb, I think Karyn didn't want us to use
emojis on this site. Some of them can be
quite rude, like the middle finger, which
I would never use on anyone here! Lou

 

Lou,

Are Fatima and Brian Kim's parents? You have the most wonderful, caring, and loving friends... It isn't surprising though because you are the UPM!!!, TU!!! I'm going to search DuckDuckGo for Fatima's book. What a wonderful gift... dedicating her book to you at your birthday party...

I'm not feeling like much of a leader lately... but I'm trying the best I can to be around for everyone. Responding to messages, trying to be here for TGW, helps me more than I think I'm helping anyone else... I think, in his or her own way, each one of TGW is a leader. I've learned so much from all of you.

Since you don't think Karyn wants us to use emojis on this site, being technically challenged is a good thing for once. When my son visits, I'm going to become less technically challenged. I can and will do this!!!

I'm thinking Kim has picked you up or is about to pick you up, so stopping here.

Hope you have many reasons to LMSO today...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

P.S. Sorry about those tears... Life is just so bittersweet!!!, TU!!!