I know there’s no wrong way to grieve but…

Rose, thank you so much for reaching out
to TGW today. I missed you, as I'm sure
others did, as well. Your 2nd year trauma,
after the death of your soulmate, C, is
quite common. 2 years after Linda's
sudden death in front of me,I started
staying out later at night,losing sleep,
and drinking more, resulting in
depression. My grief counselor suggested
I stop drinking. I did, a year & a half ago,
and feel better physically and mentally.
The book by my bed, is The Widower's
Notebook, a memoir, by Jonathan Santlofer. It was suggested to me by my
grief counselor.Jonathan felt the same
way as we do about the 2nd year. Lou

 

Hello Rose, I'm glad to see you here again, it's OK to feel sad but think about YOURSELF you are here in this beautiful world, just breathe and again breathe, you will feel better, your C is not physically with you, but think when he was teaching you to read and play the piano, honor him playing the songs you both loved, then I'm sure you will see him in your mind that is also beautiful, he will always be with you. Wishing you lots of love and peace. Helena

 

Beautiful , kind words , Helena ,to our
friend, Rose. I've felt a loneliness &
sadness when I wake up in the morning,
and when I go home in the evening. I'm
better when I'm walking outside, seeing
old friends ( from 3 years ago) and
meeting new people ( some are tourists).
How are you lately, Helena? I hear the
weather in S.C. sucks right now. Hope it
improves soon. No complaints here. Lou

 

Here in the South the weather its too hot for my liking, just going outside feels uncomfortable, I'm glad that I have air conditioning in an area where I can also sit watch TV, read or listen to soothing music, and then the big BUT I'm alone, Geoff physically it's not here and being alone it's state of mind, I have me, I'm here! he will always be with me in my thoughts. Some days I can feel the shadow of Grieving follows me, there's no point to consume myself with Grief, I know it's the worst thing that all of us are going, may be for the rest of our lives. When I feel negative Grief visits me, I realize and always say PAY ATTENTION HELENA, take care of yourself and only me will respond life continues we have nature to enjoy we are part of the Universe, then I smile Life is Beautiful. Helena

 

PS, Lou I didn't forget I'm sending you my love, peace and many virtual hugs, Helena

 

Wow, Helena, in the relatively short time
you've been on GIC, you have become an
inspiring leader. I look forward to your
Wed Art Therapy, with George, and also
all the praise you receive, from other
GW, including me. I'm glad you can relax
with AC. But, personally, I would go
stir crazy, without being able to walk
outside. That happened to me during
several days of extreme cold. I have to
be careful not to break a hip, if it's icy
outside. I once asked Chad, in hot Texas,
if he could walk in an air conditioned mall,
like the seniors do, & he said he could.
Thank you for being on here tonight.I'm
fighting my sadness with a relaxing
shower. I have physical therapy in the
morning, for balance issues, with a kind
PT. Hope both of us have pleasant dreams.
Lou

 

Lou, after reading your post I was thinking, you live in this beautiful part of the country and you like to be with your friends, seeing tourist passing by, very nice! you are a social being but friends they come and go, I find that I like my solitude, my own company! and corresponding with my warrior friends here keeps me going, posting my art, quotes and some poetry from my different readings. Every day I thank the Universe that I found so many compassionate and understanding friends in GIC like yourself but I worry I feel your pain, please take care of yourself, you are the most important person yourself. As always sending you my love, peace and virtual hugs. Helena

 

Life is Beautiful! It is! Even though we're on this new roller coaster of grief that we don't no when it'll take us around the curve.. life is Beautiful! Im Thankful for AC too. I can't deal with alot of heat. It makes me irritable. My kids be wanting to know where we going or what we going to do. I just be wanting to relax cause its too hot. If it wasn't for them I would barely open the door in the summer time. Hope you stay as cool as possible. Its important for us to keep moving to keep Grief off our back so often.

 

Nicole, Linda & I met in our 40s & never
hadchildren.From what I see of families
here ( both locals & tourists), children
can be both a joy and a handful. I'm glad
you're past the diaper stage! Lou

 

Helena, I agree with you that my closest
friends are on GIC, bc I can depend on
TGW day and night. However, my
closest friend in life is a veteran , 10
years older, whose wife died after 57
years. Unlike me, he has a married
daughter & 2 grandchildren . We get
together a lot, not just at the Sat am
coffee at the American Legion. I've
enjoyed introducing him to my other
close married friend ( of 50 years), who
plays drums at our local cafe. My widower
buddy & I text each other to make plans.
He was dating a widow, but he felt it was
going faster than he wanted, and they
broke it off amicably. I live in a small
town, so that was wise on their part. I
agree with you that we have to put
ourselves first. Lou

 

Hi Helena, hope you’re not getting the heavy storms
there in you’re area, heavy torrential rains here
now, very high winds. thankful no tornado
warnings. Tree came down in daughters yard
thankfully not close to
there home. Guess this is typical this time of the
year. Take care. Blessings Patti

 

Patti, I've said it to Helena and Deb, as well as to you. Your summer weather SUCKS
BIG TIME!!! As Deb says, I wish I could
send my northern coast temps to you.
It reached 80 here and was hot in the sun.
I was careful, & wore sunglasses, a hat with visor, & a good sunscreen. I never
run, or even walk fast, for fear of falling.
Been there, done that! Wore a compression
sock, until the gash on leg fully heals. I
will see the nurse & surgeon, on Mon, the
3rd Mon,,in a row. I look forward to
seeing the 2 PTs every week.,They listened
to my tale of woe, before I did the
exercises. I joked with one PT today,
thanking her for my mental therapy ! Lou

 

Patty, I have been in this area since 2013, I don't remember a weather like this, started since last night with heavy thunder, right now it's poring, my poor little 18 yrs old Yogy looks for a place to hide and trembles, breaks my heart seeing him so scared, but I can't do anything, just wait until the storm diminished.
Today I felt very sad, I was looking and putting Geoff shoes in boxes to take to Good Will or Salvation Army, I couldn't continue... all the memories... I'm crying, no matter that I appear strong, there will always be tears, I miss him so much!!! How are you my dear neighbor! Nice to talk to you and always you are in my thoughts. Oh boy, I do need a hug! You too take care dear Patti. Helena

 

Helena: 3 things come to mind: poor
dogs have such great hearing that both
thunder and fireworks are terrifying,
2nd, as painful as it is, you are doing a
good deed by helping others , by your
donations, and 3rd, I will hug , or seek
a hug, from man or woman.We need the
human touch..........Lou

 

From the conversations sounds like you and Linda had a nice life together. Even though cut short you had many lovely years together and I envy that. Kids are Definitely a joy and certainly a handful. No matter where we've been they always want to.know where we going next. Lol!

 

Thank you, Nicole, but there is no need to
envy the 25 years of marriage which Linda
& I shared. I don t want to think about it,
but it was not an easy life. Due to bad
financial decisions, and caring for
ungrateful parents on both sides, we
became homeless, at first living in our
car, and then, much worse, in a
shelter, with alcoholics & drug addicts.
When Linda died suddenly, right in front
of me, I had to voluntarily stay in a
short term psychiatric unit. I could not
sleep, bc I was consumed with guilt that
our poverty was all my fault. My grief
counselor pointed out that Linda had some
blind spots, as well. I have to remember
the good times, when we met, and had
money to travel. After retirement,Linda &
I were together 24/7, which leaves a gaping
hole in my life. I cry a little ( 3 & a half
years since Linda's death) every morning.
Jonathan Santlofer's The Widower's
Notebook explains it well. He agonized over the sudden death, after 40 years, of
his wife, Joy, who died suddenly , in front
of him, as well.The big difference between
Jonathan & me, is that he & Joy, had an
adult daughter, Doria. They have each
other for comfort and support. Now, I wish
we had children, bc it would be nice to
have an adult son, or daughter, and
perhaps, grandchildren..... Lou

 

Lou, I can't help but reading your post to Nicole is making me cry, this is not fair, we were left behind alone just with sad and happy memories, there are only memories....now we have to take care of ourselves ALONE!!! Helena

 

Helena, thank you so much for responding
to me in the middle of the night. I knew
someone would comment on my reply to
Nicole, even if she was too busy to
answer me. I love TGW, with kind
people like you, who "get it", bc I don't
feel as alone as I did , right after Linda
died. Hope both of us can go back to
sleep now, and have pleasant dreams. Lou

 

The things we go through make us stronger. Regardless of the decisions that were made or what happened you said you and Linda was together. I still admire that Lou. We all beat ourselves up about something but I can feel the love of you and Linda just from reading your post. You may not have had kids but those years and memories good or bad are very precious. You have us to tell your memories to and we'll support you along the way just like you will us as we tell and share ours. Sending a virtual hug and prayers for strength as comfort. Much Love! Nicole

 

I also consider all you lovely people here as my best friends now. I've always been the reserved type, always felt uncomfortable being within groups of people, I only ever had a few friends. My husband and I weren't just married to each other, we were also best friends, we didn't need any other company, we did everything and went everywhere together, that was enough. That special familiarity, understanding, reading each other's thoughts, anticipating what the other is going to say, depending on one another, all that is gone and remains just a precious memory which is here to stay with me, at least that cannot be torn away from me.
A special hug to all of you, as we approach another weekend, can't wait till it's over.
Rose