I know there’s no wrong way to grieve but…

Thanks my brother and friend for your most kind and sensible words. Envisioning the future is what gets me through the day in part. Not dwelling on the past and sad stuff. We shall see what happens. If anything it shall be interesting indeed. Talk to ya later Bro and much love! !

 

Hey, let me jump in here, younger
brothers!! Wish the 3 of us could talk on
the phone. We have so much in common,
and share both a kindness & sensitivity
( at times overly sensitive!), and a good
sense of humor. I love how we quote
each other on GIC. I love to quote Deb,
TU, BIG TIME !!! Like Gary, said, " I love
you, man". Recently, I got a bear hug from
a male friend, instead of the usual fist
bump, and it felt good. I send those,
virtually, to my brothers , on this cold,
Sunday morning. Lou

 

Gary, I have to say I love you guys, you, Lou and Deb came to my side with the “stuff” I’m dealing with this snl. I was reading your response while my daughter was driving me. I shared with her “God bless that asshole” comment. She loved it! I told her where it came from and some of Lou’s comments and Debs too. She loves how much support I get here and everyone’s comments about my snl. I do need to keep my brother in my life, I’m thankful for the things he does for both myself and my daughter. If I call him with trouble he’s here or tells me what I need to do or who to call. My sisters actions was causing me health issues like you mention with Cheryls sister. I get it 100%. We have to figure out what is best for us. We need to put us on the top of the list of importance. You don’t need the whole story of my sister but she was judging me and I told her I needed to step away from her a while but we’ll work this out. She sent me a nasty text the size of a novel. I wrote her back that I’m done. This happened 4-5 months after Ron passed. And cutting all ties with her hurt me and caused more health issues and delayed grieving. This is not like me. I work things out but for my own good I had to to take her out of my life. She then told my brother to tell his sister she owes her $1,800 for her flight for Rons funeral. Yeah, right. So I do totally understand how you’re being affected by Cheryls sister. In actuality it’s a her problem. And everything you state seems right. They are deeply wounded and we should find the value in them. Thank you for that bit of info. Of coarse your emotions are out of whack. Your life is upside down, nothing is the same. And Cheryls sister is choosing to abuse you, the most important person in Cheryls life. I have forgiven my sister so many times in the past and then she does something else. She spread lies about Ron and I. Why? Jealousy I guess. She said she was jealous of what we had/have. My snl, I need to figure out how best to deal with her. I need and love my brother so much. I think you need to stay cordial with your neighbor, tricky yes but when you see him keep it cordial I’m thinking. And Cheryls sister is hoping you’ll do something I think. Be cordial with her too. I’ve learned that irritates people like her and my sister. Your emotions are a mess right now and with the tribute coming up even more so. Try not to waste precious energy on her sisters evil ways. Stress and anger are not things we need in our lives. Things you shared with me have helped me move past the comments I got while hosting thanksgiving dinner I need my brother I’ll tolerate her foolish ways and try to keep her at a distance. You need to mourn Cheryl and remember the wonderful life you 2 shared without the sisters negative ways filling your head. Thank you so much for understanding my situation. And offering words of wisdom.
More positive thoughts on my mind today. My son flies in tomorrow morning. Looking forward to his loving bear hug. And spending time together.

 

Thank you Thank you Thank you! I'm not sure how I'm doing today.

 

Wow, Robin! Glad I'm drinking coffee!
You, Deb, and I LOVE!!!, as Deb would say,
to write "books"to express our emotions.
That's what GIC is all about. We can't talk
to anybody, uninterrupted, with such
detail! I understand more, about your
love for your brother, today. So glad your
son is visiting. As I told my younger
brothers, Gary & George, this am, bear
hugs feel wonderful, and I sent them
virtual manly hugs just now! Lou

 

Lou,

So sorry… I wasn’t around for most of yesterday…I’ve been, as you so perfectly described it, stuck on this miserable, seemingly endless tilt a whirl of emotions, clinging on as hard as I can, doing everything I can, not to fall off…

Music evokes such powerful emotions…. Every single song from my past reminds me of something. As I know you already know, since Bob’s death, I can’t listen to any music…Living in a world without music SUCKS BIG TIME!!!, TU!!! “You’ve Got A Friend,” would have sent me running for the nearest box of tissues, or in your case, the door, ASAP….

I can’t even begin to imagine how painful the memories attached to that song, had to have been for you… Would write lots more, but haven’t gotten up yet, still in bed, and am typing this on my iPhone, super difficult for me to do….

The only thing I know about life for certain, as I seem to be thinking/saying a lot lately, is that everything is always subject to change. I hope and pray today is a much better day for you…

Sending lots of extra hugs and love your way this morning… and, as always, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

I am here for you Deb... remember to be kind to yourself. You are strong. Thinkin of you! Lottsa love and hugz!

 

George,

As I just told Lou, I’m still in bed, and I’m typing on my iPhone which is really difficult for me to do. So, although I have so much I want to say to you, I’m keeping this super short. Between dialysis, which sucked more than usual yesterday…, all the things you still need to do before the big move tomorrow morning…, I can only imagine where your head is it at this moment….

I am sending zillions of extra hugs, lots of love your way… You are the UGW!!!, TU!!! You Will get through whatever garbage you still need to do to get through, accomplish everything remaining on your to do list, to be ready for this move tomorrow!!! By this time tomorrow night, all of this shit will be history!!!
I believe with all my heart, you are at the beginning of what will be much better days ahead!!! I know Valerie, like all of TGW, is so very proud of you!!!, TU!!! You’ve got this George!!! Hang in there!!!

Rambling and having trouble typing, so stopping here…

Sending lots more hugs and love your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Thank you so much, Deb, as always. At the
risk of making everyone on GIC gag this am, I'll quote the cringeworthy line from
the 1970 movie, Love Story: "Love means
never having to say you're sorry". The
morning is already better than yesterday.
Though cold, about to walk to my favorite
breakfast spot, across from the ocean. I always bring phone, so I can "talk" with
my close friends on GIC. Hard to believe
I've formed such close friendships, after
only 4 months. With love, Lou

 

Robin,

As always, I love!!! your advice. Like Gary, you have such a wonderful way of putting your thoughts into words. Like your daughter, I love Gary's line "God bless that asshole," too!!! So over the top appropriate. I know you're telling us the truth, but and this is one of those BIG BUTS!!!, it's so very hard to believe!!!,TU!!! that your sister in law had the nerve to ask you to reimburse her for the flight to Ron's funeral... She is out of her f*ckin' mind!!! As Gary said, this is just a very colorful adjective, and the only one strong enough I could think of to express my feelings... People who treat us like your sister in law treats you, like Cheryl's sisters treat Gary, even though an extremely watered down version, like one of my next door neighbor's treats me, have got to be some of the most unhappy people in this world... I feel sorry for them... they obviously are totally clueless... but probably have some very deep wounds that haven't healed. So as Gary would say, "God bless the assholes." (Gary, if you read this, I hope you don't mind, I want to adopt this one!)

You are so right... we have enough on our plates, we don't need to add any unnecessary stress and anger into this mix. I always try to be very polite when dealing with these kinds of people too. I can almost hear my father saying to me, "you get much more with sugar than vinegar." (Most of the time) this is so true!!! Won't explain (most of the time) here, it's a very looooooooooooooooooooooong story, so ending this.

I can't believe how much you, and all of TGW mean to me. Never in my wildest imagination would I ever think an online support group would be this wonderful... Love all of you!!! As you can probably tell, I'm over the top emotional today... Gray day, in sharp contrast to the beautiful bright pink flowers, all in bloom outside of the picture window in my living room. Those flowers remind me of Bob... so bittersweet, but at the same time, sort of comforting. I know Bob is watching over me. I like to think he had something to do with all those beautiful flowers being in bloom, right at this moment, when I'm clinging on to that seemingly endless tilt a whirl (thanks Lou) of emotions, hoping I'm strong enough not to fall off.

On to much better things... I'm smiling knowing that tomorrow you'll be getting the the biggest best bear hug from your son. Tomorrow will be here before you know it!!! Enjoy each and every minute you spend with him... Please don't feel like you have to respond to us while he is visiting you. Just enjoy your time together to the max!!! I think I can safely say this not just for me, but for all TGW, we will be here for you whenever you're ready, want/need to "talk."

As always, sending you and Teddy lots of hugs, love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou,

You did it!!!, I laughed, for real!!!, when I read "at the risk of making everyone on GIC gag this am," when you referred to that line in "Love Story." Thanks so much for getting me to laugh!!! Although I sound like a broken record, to repeat myself, laughter is one thing we can never get enough of!!!,TU!!!

I'm also smiling because today is a better one for you than yesterday was. This tilt a whirl of emotions (thank you for this one!), just SUCKS!!! More than anything, I wish this Christmas, I could give every GW one full day filled with JUST happiness...

Stopping here, need one more cup of caffeine... I hope it does it's thing ASAP!!! I haven't quite gotten that full "caffeine kick" that I need...

As always, sending you lots of hugs, love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

OK, knock it off about Bob "watching
over" you, bc it's making me think of
Linda watching over me. Just kidding,
Deb, you know that about me. I know that
you, Robin, and Karen, can't listen to
music, without crying, yet. When you
wrote your moving message about Bob,
I was listening to the song, about " My
guitar gently weeping", and choked up.
I need to keep moving, so I need to tell
Mr. Grief to "take a hike" right now. Lou

 

Deb, I've reached the conclusion that even
after several cups of coffee, I have
mourner's fatigue (MF- which can also
be obscene for this site). GIC can feel free
to use MF. I don't have a copyright on this
stuff! Lou

 

Thanks Deb(eriffic)! I'm in a state of nervous wackiness here as you can imagine. Some caffeine and doing stuff helps. I have to be ready for this. Typing on an Eye_Fone must suck. Just like when I text on my old fashioned "Flip" phone. Best love ever and many hugs!!!

 

Lou,

I hope "Mr. Grief" takes a very looooooooooooooooooooooooong hike!!!, TU!!!

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, home now, about to collapse under
warm blanket, on a cold, dark day. I have
mourner's fatigue ( also known as
motherf***er). I'm about to put phone on
mute, in case I get wrong numbers.Time
for a nap. "Talk" soon. Lou

 

George,

Caffeine is always a good thing... While I was brushing my teeth this morning, I noticed that those "Uncle Fester" bags could have probably made it into the Guinness World Book of Records for 2021... Hoping none of TGW are able to make it into next year's book!!!, TU!!! I hope that the caffeine got you moving, and that by now, everything, or mostly everything, still left on your to do list has been completed. Under the very best of conditions, getting a house ready to sell, having to leave your house with (sometimes) very little notice for a showing, keeping it spotless during the showings, finding a new place, coordinating your moving out date with the buyers' moving in date..., etc., etc., etc.,... is way past exhausting...!!!, TU!!! Add in Valerie's passing, all those dialysis "parties," and it's a miracle you don't need toothpicks to keep your eyes propped open... I'm getting exhausted and overwhelmed just thinking about all of this...

I will be so happy for you, when you're finally moved into your new apartment, TU!!! (these TUs have grown way past stale!!!). As I said to you prior to this, once all of your things are finally in your new home, you can take your time unpacking, take a very much needed and overdue break, (thought it but didn't say it), and just rest... I wish all of TGW lived close enough to each other so we could get together, take you out to dinner, and celebrate in person... Maybe you and TB can go out for a nice dinner somewhere, or if you don't feel like going out to celebrate, get some really good take out. Do something to celebrate all that you've accomplished.

Stopping here for now. My chrome book is back in major slo mo mode. Backing up to the beginning, really wish I knew a way to inject it with some IV style...

As always, sending you lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou,

You just reminded me, I left my phone in my car after I got back from running errands. I HATE!!! this foggy widow brain!!!, TU!!! BTW, I love the way MF serves more than one purpose, very creative... , lol!!! Thanks for sharing...

I hope you get in a good nap and "Mr. Grief" hits the road by the time you wake up.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

P.S. Don't know if I'll be back here later on, my chrome book, as I just told George, is in super slo mo mode... It needs a major hit of caffeine!!!, TU!!! (tossed this one in just for you.)

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb I didn’t invent that prayer. Please feel free to use it as often as you like. Please spread the good word. GBTAH. Robin thanks for telling the story about what you’ve been up against over the last three years. It’s a lot more than I’ve had to deal with. This is how I got wounded. Much to my surprise My name only was POD on Cheryl‘s accounts. I was shocked as everyone else. I split the money in four equal shares. On my share I listed Cheryl‘s family as beneficiaries or POD. About a month later one of the sisters tried to promote long term healthcare insurance for me. They knew my prior surgery was unsuccessful. Talk about getting stabbed in the heart. I told her no again and she wouldn’t let it go. the other sister gave me a sales pitch on it afterwards. All their names were replaced as beneficiaries within a week. I called them and told them what I had done and why I did it. Now I am going to flex my forgiveness muscle a little and not say anything bad about them. I don’t forgive for their benefit. I forgive for my benefit to stop the ruminating and wasting of energy as you spoke of. I have to be continuous about this or it will sneak up on me again. Being cordial is a great idea. Restraint is my Watch word. I’m going to the tribute with the intentions of learning more about my dearly beloved Cheryl. Cheryl was receiving death threats during her environmental stand against a toxic waste company. The title of an article in the Fort Wayne newspaper about Cheryl was “a profile in courage.” What I’m thinking about right now is the EMTs saying I can’t believe how hard she was trying to breathe on her own. no one has to explain to us how much courage our spouses had. And how to hard they tried to stay with us. We are so fortunate to be able to connect with each other like this. George I’m pulling for you. This is going to be your finest hour. Keep on keeping on. Love everyone. Gary

 

Lou thanks for your virtual hug and your brotherly love. maybe someday little brother George and I will be able to come out and join you and become venerable Shackman also. You are our glue Lou. God Bless you. Gary