I can't believe he's not coming back again

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Christabel, Sep 10, 2021.


My mom doesn't know we dated at all, so what should I do?

  1. Tell her what I'm going through

    3 vote(s)
  2. Don't bother since he's already gone anyways

    0 vote(s)
  1. Christabel

    Christabel New Member

    I lost my boyfriend of 4 years 3 days ago, everything is just confusing right now. I'm still waiting for a text or call from him telling me it was all a prank or something that he's still here but nothing yet. I don't know how I'm ever going to overcome this phase of my life without him holding me telling me it's okay. I don't think I'll ever have the strength to anyways. I lost him to leukemia and he struggled in his last moments, I was there holding his hand and I still didn't want to believe it when they said he's gone. I'm just so tired and drained, wishing I was the one instead of him. He's too good of a person to go like this. I can't even imagine what his mum is going through.
    Loveyouforeverx likes this.
  2. KateIsNotOkay

    KateIsNotOkay Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss. You did a very loving thing, holding his hand and being with him in his last moments. It's so hard watching someone we love so much suffer, and even harder to accept when they've gone. I am not there myself yet, and I'm finding this forum some comfort. I wish I could make it better. I do find some strength in talking to others on here and sharing. Praying for your peace of mind and comfort. Hugs!
  3. Christabel

    Christabel New Member

    Thank you so much
  4. MSgtKel5J071

    MSgtKel5J071 Member

    I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. I wish I could tell you that everything is going to be OK, but I can tell you from experience that you'll have some rough days ahead. A few pieces of advice: (1) Don't let anyone tell you how you should feel -- you're going to feel what you feel when you feel it and there's no such thing as a "wrong" or "inappropriate" feeling when going through something like this. (2) If you need some time alone, take it. Don't allow others to linger around you if you want to be by yourself. On the flipside, if you need to talk or be around people, do it. Even if they don't fully understand what you're going through, there are people in your life who will see what you're going through and will be desperate to do anything they can to help. (3) This one is going to sound cliché, but it's very important: Think about what your boyfriend would want for you. Yeah, I know it's not that simple, but my point is your boyfriend would want you to go on living and be happy. He would understand that you're going to have your period of grief where you miss him and you shed tears over him, and he would be here to hold you in his arms and tell you things are going to get better if he could. He would know there may be days where you don't even want to get out of bed, and he wouldn't blame you if you didn't. He just wants what's best for you. Joining this site was one of the best things you could have possibly done. The message for you is that YOU CAN get through this. You don't ever get over it, but you can get through it and not only be happy again, but stronger. This is not the end. It's the beginning. The journey is rough, but it's worth it. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.
    funngamesjoanie likes this.
  5. Christabel

    Christabel New Member

    Thank you so much for this, I'm really trying my best, sometimes I feel guilty for even smiling sometimes like I shouldn't be doing this at all. I'm getting through it I really am trying
  6. MDGinVA

    MDGinVA Active Member

    I still feel like this. Today has been rough. Since Debi passed, I barely watch any tv, we used to watch a lot together. I skipped church again today and a while ago I turned on tv to watch football, something I used to be passionate about. Debi liked football too. It’s just not fun watching anymore. I put the guide on to find the game, accidentally pushed it again and it pulled up saved favorite guides, there was Debis (named Debi). Turned tv off. Now in “that” mood. She was such a wonderful person, she loved life, I’ve always been the one that got depressed easily. Why her and not me? Why did she have to suffer with that disease? I couldn’t save her from it, she was so strong. She told me she didn’t hurt much, her sister now tells me she didn’t want me to worry, she sounded off to her about the pain. Her other sister said same thing so I know she suffered. I feel like such a fool always being positive during this. But her sisters said that probably have her more time because I was always telling her she was going to beat this, up until last few months she said it too. Why couldn’t I have had this , I would have taken it instead of her. Why God???
  7. Ronpage

    Ronpage Member

    I just lost my wife of 43 years and feel like I have nothing left to live for. Every night I pray with her and ask God to not let me wake up but I don't think He's listening to me. So lonely and depressed.
  8. Ronpage

    Ronpage Member

    I also wish it had been me. We talked about that and she ad lots of hobbies and would have been fine alone. She would have gotten a dog for company.
  9. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Hi, my name is Karen. I hear you. I haven't watch TV for some time, reminds me of my husband, Jack, who passed away last Nov from cancer. I still can't watch TV or listen to Pandora music, he loved. You can't beet yourself up for saying why her, not me. We have no control when our love one dies and it's not our fault.
    Deb didn't want to worry you regarding suffering, my husband never wanted me to suffer either is why he spoke to his family and a friend to help me. He never wanted me to know how much pain he was in, but like you, I found out later from the care givers and family that he was in pain. He protected me as Deb protected you through love. I pray for all of us to get through this to a point we can survive the rest of our lives. Karen
    MDGinVA and Patti 61 like this.
  10. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry, I lost my husband 10 months ago and still wish it was me God took. I know how you feel about a future if any. All we can do is pray, breath, eat, sleep and see what comes along for us. My husband and I have been together 40 years and I do feel like you what is there left. Let's try to get through this together on this forum, keep talking, keep your faith, keep breathing, as all we can do now. It's hard, very hard. Blessings and peace to everyone who is going through this awful grief.
    Patti 61 likes this.
  11. Patti 61

    Patti 61 Guest

    Hi Ronpage, Lifting you in prayer, I understand your pain.
    It will be five years (11-7-2016) God called my husband
    to Heaven.
    We were married 61 years, he was diagnosed
    with Parkinson's at 57 years of age.
    Our 65 th anniversary was in May. I miss him
    everyday, I have cried every awakening morning,
    I took care of my husband his last 24 years , his last
    nine years 24-7 . I know God gave me the strength
    through those years, I know HE is doing so now
    and will continue to do so.
    I BELIEVE God understands our pain.
    Prayers for you and each of us, Patti
  12. Currently going through the same thing. I lost my boyfriend of 5 years very unexpectedly a year ago. lost and broken is an understatement..
  13. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    So sorry, unexpectedly must of been so devastating to say the least. My husband of 40 years died of cancer Nov 4th 2020. He was at home with hospice so I knew he was going to die, but it doesn't make it any better to expect his death. It will be one year for you and me too in Nov and I'm dreading the 1 year anniversary. I'm still living with the memories of his last days, lonely, wanting him back. At times, unbelievable he's gone. I don't know what to do with myself. It's a long grief journey, one I wish we all didn't have to go through, but you are here on the forum and I hope you continue to share with all of us. Take care, Karen
    Loveyouforeverx likes this.

  14. Thank you so much! I’m so incredibly sorry that you are experiencing this as well. It truly isn’t something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I can’t imagine being married for 40 years and then losing my partner. I’m glad that you have 40 years of memories and stories to look back on! I know that’s something I do a lot, replaying those memories in my mind or telling the stories over again. I most certainly believe he is watching over you and with you always. I like to say “I’ve got one heck of a guardian angel” :)

    I don’t think it will ever feel real to me. It’s most definitely changed me and I am not the same anymore. While I wish it didn’t happen to anyone, it is a little comforting to know there are others that understand and I’m not alone.

    Keeping you in my prayers!
  15. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Everyone says death is part of life. Yes, but it will hank your heart out and change you forever. I don't think anyone leaves this Earth without grieving for something, someone, etc. so grieving is a part of life also.

    What is your first name? Mine is Karen. I will be on vacation with my daughter Thursday for a week, so I may not be on the forum until I get back. Hoping it will be nice to get out of this house with memories that make me cry all the time.

    No, you are certainly not alone, it does help to know we all feel the same pain and are trying to get up in the morning and survive best we can. Blessings to you, karen
  16. My name is Sydnie ☺️ I hope you have a great vacation! Hope you can take some time for yourself and try to get to get some reprieve from the ever present grief