How to make life go on? How to single parent? How to juggle life with grief?

Discussion in 'Suicide Loss' started by Diadhuit, Apr 19, 2023.

  1. Diadhuit

    Diadhuit New Member

    Hi everyone,
    I’m 23 and I lost my best friend/girlfriend of 8 years 5 weeks ago to postpartum depression/mental health, and I didn’t even know what PPD was until 2 months after our daughter was born. Our daughter is 8 months old and I’m severely struggling to cope with juggling life and grief. Life has been a steady stream of challenges over the last few months - my partner was really really unwell mentally and I had been trying my best to care for her down to bathing her, along with caring for our daughter, working, holding down a home and trying to finish my degree at uni.
    After she passed away, I was so busy dealing with arrangements and the aftermath of it all that everything has just fully sunk in the last couple of weeks. It’s completely overwhelming - I haven’t been eating, sleeping, keeping on top of our house, working, or doing anything really, I’m just too exhausted and any time I try do something, anything at all grief hits me like a tonne weight. I keep going over all the questions our daughter will have when she’s older and the struggles she’ll have to face and how I wont have a clue how to help her navigate it all. When I think of a widower, I think of someone much older than me who has lived a full life with their partner (it doesn’t make their grief less valid obviously), but we’re 23 we had a full life ahead of us, had only just started our family. I feel so guilty for how angry I am at her, for leaving us this way and for the fact I cant even walk into my living room anymore without feeling sick to my stomach. I love her so much and I miss her so much it actually physically hurts and i dont want to be angry at her. i know im rambling on, this is just the first time I’ve even attempted to get my feelings out and i’m just a mess. Does anyone have any advice on navigating grief and juggling it with actual life/parenting etc?
    Chris M 2000 likes this.
  2. Daisy171

    Daisy171 Well-Known Member

    Day by day, moment by moment, you just go on. Because you are a father, you have no choice but to go on and do the best you can for your daughter. In fact, as Churchill said - sometimes it is not enough to do your best, sometimes you have to do what is required. It's natural that you are a mess. My advice is to get grief counseling. Post here often as people here will understand how you feel and very importantly - be gentle with yourself. If you have any family that can help with your daughter, let them watch her so you can rest or take a walk. If you don't, try to rest any time she is asleep. Don't worry about keeping your home neat. Don't worry about what you will tell your daughter when she is older. There is plenty of time to think about that.
    Chris M 2000 likes this.
  3. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss at such a young age. All feelings are valid at a time like this. I agree with what Daisy171 said. Jesus said, Don't worry about tomorrow. Today has enough worries of its own. Over time you will be better able to cope with taking care of your house, etc. Take good care of yourself so you will still have your health when this heavy burden passes and your life begins to return to your 'new' normal. Start with little things like just getting up in the morning and brushing your teeth. Just take one small step at a time.
    We are here, we care about you, and we understand because we have all suffered losses.
  4. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    How are you getting along? Please stay connected with us.
    We care about you.