It hit me like a ton of bricks last month that in only a short 3 months it will be the 1 year anniversary of the death of my husband. I can't seem to really wrap my head around it. It still feels like it was yesterday sometimes. I barely made it through the holidays without him. How am I going to cope with the fact that he's been gone an entire year now!? I still feel lost and bereft. I feel like people are looking at me like I should be "over it" already. But I'm not. Far from it in fact. Every new "1st" keeps hitting me. But this, this is going to be hard. I feel like being alone is a bad idea. I feel like I want to do something, something to celebrate his life, not mourn his death. Does that make sense? What do I do though? And with who? His family is all hundreds of miles away. My family, well, they're just not involved. I just feel lost and alone and I don't now how to do this. I'm still in this weird fuzzy head space, when I really sit down and think about things it's like I've been disassociating. It makes it really hard to process things sometimes.