How can I cope with the loss of my adult son?

My son passed away on 11/2/2017 from autoimmune hepatitis. We didn’t recognize that he was so ill and he never accepted that he was so ill. The worst part of this is that he and his wife had been living with us for about a year in 2015 - 2016. His wife never cared for us and had multiple confrontations with mostly my husband which prompted our son to join in in an attempt to be supportive of her. This, coupled with the fact that she never worked at that time and he lost his job, as well as them both being excessively sloppy to the point where if the health department had seen their room, it would have been condemned. It became untenable and we forced both of them out (no way he would have left her). We gave them $1000.00 and a rental truck and paid for a week at an Air B&B, to go to Washington where they wanted to go. Last night, I discovered that no more than 3 months after they left in 2016, they had somehow moved to New York and he was hospitalized. He only contacted us in March of 2017. He had never intended to speak to us again up until that time. He said that he was in the hospital and desperately needed a liver transplant. He had been very ill that whole time and went through all of it mostly alone. His wife hated hospitals so she never went to visit him when he was hospitalized. I was fortunate enough that he let me go to New York to spend time with him 4 long visits after he had called me in March of 2017.

We had always thought that, around when he was in his late teens, our once very busy and active son got lazy. He stopped attending classes at UC Davis and dropped out. He spent most of his time playing video games when he wasn’t at work testing video games.

 

I also lost my son to autoimmune hepatitis which he has had since he was 15. Due to one of the drugs he had to take for ulcerative colitis at the same time he developed a very rare T-cell lymphoma. He died within 3 months of diagnosis. It was horrible since they could not figure out what was wrong and I keep thinking something more could have been done. He was 30 years old.