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Homesick

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Mary0128, May 10, 2018.

  1. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Your story sounds just like mine regarding the holiday. This is my second Thanksgiving without Jack, my husband, and I too felt an overwhelming sense of emptiness and NO, we're not done in 1 year, 2 years and beyond.
    When my brother-in-law said the blessing I lost it and had to leave the room for a few seconds. I do hope someday we all find a little peace on this earth. My name is Karen
     
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  2. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thank you for comforting JMD. Your
    grief for Jack, after only one year,is still
    an open wound. After 3 years, I'm better,
    but, as you so eloquently put it , Mr.
    Grief pays me a visit when I "least
    expect it". All TGW have quoted your Mr.
    Grief idea. Deb said that it's like a perverse
    version of Candid Camera. I coined the
    phrase, tilt-a-whirl, which I stole from
    Linda. On her tough days, she'd look at
    me with sad eyes and tell me she wanted
    to get off of it. Her other phrase was,"I
    don't want to play anymore". Looking
    back at her struggles with PT, in the
    rehab/ nursing home, I realize she was
    trying to tell me that she was sick and
    tired of the pain from cancer. If you
    look at my replies to Deb today,you will
    see me quote Linda's funnier, sarcastic
    phrases. She had a " wicked" ( as they
    say in Boston) wit, like yours and Deb's.
    Lou
     
  3. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Hey Lou, if you could take Linda's "wicked wit" then you certainly can take teasing from the Shack gang, right? Are you getting better at come backs?
     
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  4. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Yes, Karen. I can even take crap from
    YOU (!), and dish it back. Recently, the 2
    Friday night bartenders, both 39, kidded
    me about being "ancient". I'm the same age
    as their fathers. I motioned to my phone,
    on the bar, and said I guess I was going to
    have to text my buddy, Lyle, 75, a hard
    drinking Vietnam vet & former fishing
    boat captain. There was a look of horror
    on their faces, bc if Lyle came in, he would
    bother them while they were trying to
    clean up and close the bar for the night.
    One bartender, Brian, the funnier one,
    looked "hurt", and said, "Lou, I thought you
    were my friend!!". Both of us laughed. Then, Brian said he'd only tease me if he
    liked me. The same is true at the
    American Legion, at the Sat am coffees,
    when the veterans good naturedly kid
    each other, and me, the only non veteran.
    You can tease me, anytime, Karen. It's
    healthy for both of us. You keep me on my
    toes, and teach me to be less of a crab. Now, it's my bedtime, 10pm on the East
    Coast. Hope to "see" you here tomorrow. L
     
  5. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Got a laugh. I can just see their looks of horror. Tell those 39 year olds they are right behind you if they make it that far. It wouldn't be fun if you became less of a "crab". I want to be able to call you, "Crabby Old Lou". I think you may be eating too many crabs, it's going to your head. Sleep tight. K
     
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  6. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Abouttogo to sleep now, and caught your
    last comment, Karen. Watch out who you're calling "old"!!! Lou
     
  7. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    I thought that was not appropriate, sorry. I'm the crabby one these days and I seem to be that way with my family, I'm not a nice person these days. You can call me "crabby old Karen" is how I feel. My grieving is making me mean, stressed, depressed, negative you name it. I'm really afraid I will hurt someone with my words. The other day I got into an argument with my daughter over nothing. I'm just so angry about losing Jack and I truly hope I don't hurt anyone on this forum like you.
    Maybe I should take a breather. K
     
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  8. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Oh, Karen. I was kidding around. I wish
    we could meet. I'd give you a big hug. Even
    if we could just talk on the phone, I bet we
    could make each other laugh. A year
    after Linda died, I was angry & depressed
    and drank more. which, as you know,
    made me more depressed, and I ended up
    in a psychiatric unit. I would never call you
    " crabby old Karen". I don't consider you
    old. I'm one of the oldest GW chronologically, bur not in my heart,despite my "Uncle Fester" look, at
    times. Please don't leave us, Karen, even for a while. You are so welcoming & kind
    to new members, and give comfort to
    "regulars" like me. "See you"today? Gary
    asked about you last night. He, too, would
    miss you. Lou
     
  9. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Godfather Lou, I don't like Mr. Griefs turn of events for me, he's turning me into a witch.
    Your words are a support for me and everyone else. I'll try to get a hold of myself.
     
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  10. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    No Mary grief doesn’t have a time line and we all grieve differently. This is my 4th Thanksgiving without Ron by my side. The first being 5 days after he passed. They’re all brutal. We long for our normal lives back. Im thinking the more time that passes the more I miss him. Reality keeps setting in deeper and deeper. We all know the truth but living it makes it real. I spent this Thanksgiving with my daughter , my brother and his wife. There were some things said by my snl that hurt my feelings and I was anxious for them to leave. That didn’t help that’s for sure. People just don’t understand the permanence of a loss like we’re all dealing with. How could they without going through it. But they should be able recognize it’s terribly painful and nothing feels right. My son is visiting from Florida and he has helped turned my mood around for a little while anyway. I know I sound like a broken record but try to get fresh air.
    praying for us all, Robin
     
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  11. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thank God you didn't walk away from us,
    even if for just a while. We need each orher, Karen, especially through
    Christmas & New Year's. I don't want, or
    need to do anything for Christmas, except
    to enjoy the lights in the town. A tall
    Christmas tree was just put up yesterday,
    by the town, in Dock Square, in front of
    the Shack. Soon, there will be lights on
    the restaurants, like the Shack,and on the
    houses & trees on Main St. Lou
     
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  12. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Robin, if you're a broken record, then we all are. We GW really understand how it
    feels to have our hearts ripped out. Thank
    God, we have each other!! Lou
     
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  13. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Well, Karen, you were right after all,
    about my being "crabby old Lou". I wasn't
    last night, but sure as hell amthis morning. Like Linda, and Jonathan, I have
    a real aversion to noise, like the incident I
    told Deb about---- the loud woman in the
    cafe this am. I had real hatred for her, for
    shattering my serenity. For a minute, I
    identified with the meanest cowboy in
    the Wild West: John Wesley Hardin, who
    shot & killed a man, just got snoring. Lou
     
  14. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    I'm giggling.
     
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  15. Mary0128

    Mary0128 Well-Known Member

    Thank you Lou for your kind words.
    I try to get on this site as much as possible, it really helps to know that there are like minded people and I am not alone.
    I live in Bradley, Maine which is about 70 miles from the coast, (depending on which harbor I choose to visit) Winter Harbor is my favorite.
    I get to the coast a couple of times a year, Jeff and I used to head to the coast more often.
    I agree with you fatigue is big, I stay busy at work all day but once I get home I have no energy (It doesn't help that it gets dark a 4:00).
    Peace
    Mary
     
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  16. Mary0128

    Mary0128 Well-Known Member

    Karen,
    I never know when it will hit me, for you it was a blessing.
    I was at work, I work in a hospital simulation center. We had a testing patient wrist band with the date of birth, the birth year was 1958. (Jeff was born in 1958 and passed a few months before his 60th birthday) I said so the patient is 60 years old. My colleagues just looked at me and said no the patient is 63.
    I couldn't speak and I had to excuse myself, they were right, I felt like I was stuck in a time warp. I just cant believe how fast time moves without the ones we love.
    Sometimes its the small things that hit you the hardest.
    Peace
    Mary
     
  17. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Karen, I KNEW you'd like that! There's
    more! I went into a clothing store, which
    has kept "Gloucester fishermen warm" &
    dry, for over 30 years. It's owned by a
    divorced woman, in her late 40s . Her 3
    adult daughters work with her. When I
    walked in, an old geezer was babbling to
    the owner, and one of her daughters. I
    thought, what a pathetic, lonely old man.
    Then, wait for it...... I needed advice on a
    purchase. The owner had warm, kind
    eyes, above her mask. I remembered her
    smile, before she had to wear a mask. I
    ended up blathering to her about Linda,
    and how I happened to move to my
    apartment. I said that, unlike me, my wife
    grew up on Cape Ann. I started to say
    Linda got sick, and my voice trailed off.
    She said she was so sorry. I told her I
    wouldn't have been able to tell her that
    a year ago, without crying. I told her I
    didn't want to get married again. She
    said she was engaged, but wasn't sure she
    wanted to be married again, either. She
    said that Linda sounded like a cool woman.
    I told her that if I did meet another woman, she'd have to be from out of town,
    bc my town is like Peyton Place, and we
    both laughed. Lou
     
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  18. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Mary, for answering me this
    afternoon.Linda & I always went to
    doctor visits together, but she felt male
    doctors didn't treat her as a whole person,
    but just lectured her about obesity and
    diabetes, for example. But, both of us
    liked our female nurse practitioner, about
    60, on the plump side herself. We had a
    few laughs. When Linda died, I went to
    see our NP, and wept in her small lab
    room. She just put her hand on my
    shoulder, and I'll never forget that. I still
    see her regularly, rather than my male
    primary care physician. Whenever I
    encounter a nurse, I thank her ( or him)
    for the kindness & care. Lou
     
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  19. Mary0128

    Mary0128 Well-Known Member

    ♥️♥️
     
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  20. Mary0128

    Mary0128 Well-Known Member

    ♥️
     
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