Your story sounds just like mine regarding the holiday. This is my second Thanksgiving without Jack, my husband, and I too felt an overwhelming sense of emptiness and NO, we're not done in 1 year, 2 years and beyond. When my brother-in-law said the blessing I lost it and had to leave the room for a few seconds. I do hope someday we all find a little peace on this earth. My name is Karen
Thank you for comforting JMD. Your grief for Jack, after only one year,is still an open wound. After 3 years, I'm better, but, as you so eloquently put it , Mr. Grief pays me a visit when I "least expect it". All TGW have quoted your Mr. Grief idea. Deb said that it's like a perverse version of Candid Camera. I coined the phrase, tilt-a-whirl, which I stole from Linda. On her tough days, she'd look at me with sad eyes and tell me she wanted to get off of it. Her other phrase was,"I don't want to play anymore". Looking back at her struggles with PT, in the rehab/ nursing home, I realize she was trying to tell me that she was sick and tired of the pain from cancer. If you look at my replies to Deb today,you will see me quote Linda's funnier, sarcastic phrases. She had a " wicked" ( as they say in Boston) wit, like yours and Deb's. Lou
Hey Lou, if you could take Linda's "wicked wit" then you certainly can take teasing from the Shack gang, right? Are you getting better at come backs?
Yes, Karen. I can even take crap from YOU (!), and dish it back. Recently, the 2 Friday night bartenders, both 39, kidded me about being "ancient". I'm the same age as their fathers. I motioned to my phone, on the bar, and said I guess I was going to have to text my buddy, Lyle, 75, a hard drinking Vietnam vet & former fishing boat captain. There was a look of horror on their faces, bc if Lyle came in, he would bother them while they were trying to clean up and close the bar for the night. One bartender, Brian, the funnier one, looked "hurt", and said, "Lou, I thought you were my friend!!". Both of us laughed. Then, Brian said he'd only tease me if he liked me. The same is true at the American Legion, at the Sat am coffees, when the veterans good naturedly kid each other, and me, the only non veteran. You can tease me, anytime, Karen. It's healthy for both of us. You keep me on my toes, and teach me to be less of a crab. Now, it's my bedtime, 10pm on the East Coast. Hope to "see" you here tomorrow. L
Got a laugh. I can just see their looks of horror. Tell those 39 year olds they are right behind you if they make it that far. It wouldn't be fun if you became less of a "crab". I want to be able to call you, "Crabby Old Lou". I think you may be eating too many crabs, it's going to your head. Sleep tight. K
Abouttogo to sleep now, and caught your last comment, Karen. Watch out who you're calling "old"!!! Lou
I thought that was not appropriate, sorry. I'm the crabby one these days and I seem to be that way with my family, I'm not a nice person these days. You can call me "crabby old Karen" is how I feel. My grieving is making me mean, stressed, depressed, negative you name it. I'm really afraid I will hurt someone with my words. The other day I got into an argument with my daughter over nothing. I'm just so angry about losing Jack and I truly hope I don't hurt anyone on this forum like you. Maybe I should take a breather. K
Oh, Karen. I was kidding around. I wish we could meet. I'd give you a big hug. Even if we could just talk on the phone, I bet we could make each other laugh. A year after Linda died, I was angry & depressed and drank more. which, as you know, made me more depressed, and I ended up in a psychiatric unit. I would never call you " crabby old Karen". I don't consider you old. I'm one of the oldest GW chronologically, bur not in my heart,despite my "Uncle Fester" look, at times. Please don't leave us, Karen, even for a while. You are so welcoming & kind to new members, and give comfort to "regulars" like me. "See you"today? Gary asked about you last night. He, too, would miss you. Lou
Godfather Lou, I don't like Mr. Griefs turn of events for me, he's turning me into a witch. Your words are a support for me and everyone else. I'll try to get a hold of myself.
No Mary grief doesn’t have a time line and we all grieve differently. This is my 4th Thanksgiving without Ron by my side. The first being 5 days after he passed. They’re all brutal. We long for our normal lives back. Im thinking the more time that passes the more I miss him. Reality keeps setting in deeper and deeper. We all know the truth but living it makes it real. I spent this Thanksgiving with my daughter , my brother and his wife. There were some things said by my snl that hurt my feelings and I was anxious for them to leave. That didn’t help that’s for sure. People just don’t understand the permanence of a loss like we’re all dealing with. How could they without going through it. But they should be able recognize it’s terribly painful and nothing feels right. My son is visiting from Florida and he has helped turned my mood around for a little while anyway. I know I sound like a broken record but try to get fresh air. praying for us all, Robin
Thank God you didn't walk away from us, even if for just a while. We need each orher, Karen, especially through Christmas & New Year's. I don't want, or need to do anything for Christmas, except to enjoy the lights in the town. A tall Christmas tree was just put up yesterday, by the town, in Dock Square, in front of the Shack. Soon, there will be lights on the restaurants, like the Shack,and on the houses & trees on Main St. Lou
Robin, if you're a broken record, then we all are. We GW really understand how it feels to have our hearts ripped out. Thank God, we have each other!! Lou
Well, Karen, you were right after all, about my being "crabby old Lou". I wasn't last night, but sure as hell amthis morning. Like Linda, and Jonathan, I have a real aversion to noise, like the incident I told Deb about---- the loud woman in the cafe this am. I had real hatred for her, for shattering my serenity. For a minute, I identified with the meanest cowboy in the Wild West: John Wesley Hardin, who shot & killed a man, just got snoring. Lou
Thank you Lou for your kind words. I try to get on this site as much as possible, it really helps to know that there are like minded people and I am not alone. I live in Bradley, Maine which is about 70 miles from the coast, (depending on which harbor I choose to visit) Winter Harbor is my favorite. I get to the coast a couple of times a year, Jeff and I used to head to the coast more often. I agree with you fatigue is big, I stay busy at work all day but once I get home I have no energy (It doesn't help that it gets dark a 4:00). Peace Mary
Karen, I never know when it will hit me, for you it was a blessing. I was at work, I work in a hospital simulation center. We had a testing patient wrist band with the date of birth, the birth year was 1958. (Jeff was born in 1958 and passed a few months before his 60th birthday) I said so the patient is 60 years old. My colleagues just looked at me and said no the patient is 63. I couldn't speak and I had to excuse myself, they were right, I felt like I was stuck in a time warp. I just cant believe how fast time moves without the ones we love. Sometimes its the small things that hit you the hardest. Peace Mary
Karen, I KNEW you'd like that! There's more! I went into a clothing store, which has kept "Gloucester fishermen warm" & dry, for over 30 years. It's owned by a divorced woman, in her late 40s . Her 3 adult daughters work with her. When I walked in, an old geezer was babbling to the owner, and one of her daughters. I thought, what a pathetic, lonely old man. Then, wait for it...... I needed advice on a purchase. The owner had warm, kind eyes, above her mask. I remembered her smile, before she had to wear a mask. I ended up blathering to her about Linda, and how I happened to move to my apartment. I said that, unlike me, my wife grew up on Cape Ann. I started to say Linda got sick, and my voice trailed off. She said she was so sorry. I told her I wouldn't have been able to tell her that a year ago, without crying. I told her I didn't want to get married again. She said she was engaged, but wasn't sure she wanted to be married again, either. She said that Linda sounded like a cool woman. I told her that if I did meet another woman, she'd have to be from out of town, bc my town is like Peyton Place, and we both laughed. Lou
Thank you, Mary, for answering me this afternoon.Linda & I always went to doctor visits together, but she felt male doctors didn't treat her as a whole person, but just lectured her about obesity and diabetes, for example. But, both of us liked our female nurse practitioner, about 60, on the plump side herself. We had a few laughs. When Linda died, I went to see our NP, and wept in her small lab room. She just put her hand on my shoulder, and I'll never forget that. I still see her regularly, rather than my male primary care physician. Whenever I encounter a nurse, I thank her ( or him) for the kindness & care. Lou
