I am so humbled that my posts have helped you. I write from my heart, it helps me to put my feelings out there. Your story breaks my heart, and I see a lot of similarities in our journeys. Some days I feel the weight of my grief more than others, for no particular reason. Jeff has left a giant void and I will never see life the same way again, I will never be the same. I just take it one step at a time and I try to be grateful the little things in my life. Take care of yourself
If I discover anything that helps me, I’ll be sure to share. I don’t want to spend years getting myself to a point where I can function day to day. I know Lisa would expect me to be there for the people still in my life, and she’d want me to press on to find my purpose or calling for “the next chapter”. I just spent the evening with my daughter and her fiancé. I always feel more positive after I spend time with my kids. Thanks again for your insight and the effort to which you went in documenting you journey. Best wishes for a better tomorrow.
Awe! Thank you so much. I wish I knew your wife. She sounds lovely. Ron and I talked often about how many people pass as they start retirement or right after retiring. We had it on our minds and we started taking on less work, worked one less day a week in preparation. But here I am. Ron told me he loved life too much to pass early, he was going to live at least until he was 101 and he’d go out kicking and fighting. And wanted me by his side. We did everything together. So this new life is very difficult. As everyone on here knows. Loneliness, sure is painful. I understand your thoughts, retire at 88. Keep busy to help with the pain. I’ve somehow made it passed 2 years, I think of him every minute of every day. The pain changes some as time goes and things tend to get a little easier but the missing the loneliness sticks around. I can look at pictures and listen to his favorite music watch some of his favorite shows or movies. Sometimes those things even make me smile. But other things can make my heart ache like it happened yesterday. It’s a slow long journey we’re on. But we need to be happy we each found our soul mates and have such wonderful memories that will make us each smile, hopefully sometime soon. Knowing how things happened, I wouldn’t change a thing. The 44 years, 41 of which we were married are all such a beautiful life. I know you feel that way too. Blessed for wonderful you had with your beautiful wife.
3 years and 4 months today. Just when I feel like I'm doing ok I get knocked back down. I am preparing for the summer, I have a few projects that I would like to get done at 'camp'. The memories just came flooding back, it felt like it hit me right in the face. The last time Jeff was at camp it was the 4th of July, 2017. he wasn't feeling well and we left the lake early. 13 days later our lives changed. I loved our adventures together. I feel so lonely I miss him so.
Mary, I know exactly what you’re feeling. I just passed the 2 1/2 year mark on 5/17. It hit me hard. Being places that used to be so happy and wonderful with our husbands can now be just the hardest place to go. I haven't driven past where our shop was since he passed. I just can’t. We spent 5 or 6 days there every week. So many memories, it’s just too hard. The memories sometimes bring a smile and other times, bring the worst feeling rushing at you. Our 44th wedding anniversary is coming up, June 4th. That will be another difficult day. Sounds like you had a wonderful life together, at least we were blessed with wonderful partners, that gave us such special memories, even when they make us sad. This is such a difficult ult journey we’re on. All the best!
Beautiful song. Thanks for posting. What an unpredictable struggle this is, adjusting to a life we don’t really want without our loves. One moment at a time - it’s too hard to think about forever. Prayers for all of us for peace of mind.
I grieve with you. It's horrible that we all (on this platform) are facing this same commonality. I am grateful to this site for helping me (and many others) face the enormity of our combined losses and pain. When my dear wife and best friend Janet, died from cancer on October 18th 2019. I felt that I was alone in this uncharted world. She was my life and my reason for living, and I was lost. When I was a young man (I'll soon be 87) I worked as a professional musician, and have been a lover of music all of my life. My Hospice Grief counselor (Joanie) encouraged me to write my feelings down, which led me to writing songs (I have published five songs that have been written as tributes to Janet). I also wrote a song (CAN I) as a tribute to the selfless Hospice workers who were so kind and caring to Janet and me when helping us through our struggle. This involvement with music helped me navigate these uncharted waters. Without my music, I don't think I would have made it. (275) CAN I - YouTube
Why did I think this year would be different? 4years ago today my Jeff received his diagnosis. That day that moment will stay with me forever. I remember there was a severe thunderstorm when I was heading up the back stairs to the procedural area where he was having an endoscopy, I stopped in the stairwell to look at the dark clouds and lightning, it felt so ominous. A few minutes later the MD gave us the news esophageal cancer which had metastasized to his brain. 6 months later he was gone. There are times in life that are markers and there is no going back, just a before and an after. This was one of those markers. It hit me like a brick this morning, I thought I could get through the day without crying yet here I am and it’s not even 8am. Still homesick
Mary, I’m so sorry but understand how today is affecting you so much. I have a feeling these markers will always affect us. We can’t help it. Our lives have changed so much from the carefree wonderful lives we had how could they not affect us. I don’t have diagnosis day or other markers because Ron was taken with no warning. But I can just imagine how it hits you hard on those days. I guess my markers are every single thing we did that day. I can rattle off the whole day and wish we were doing those things. And the time he started not feeling well, the time I called 911 and the time I was told they weren’t able to save the love of my life. I believe I do understand how you’re feeling and it does bring everything rushing back. Try to get fresh air and remember Jeff’s love for you. That will give you the strength to get through. ❤️ Robin
My heart goes out to you. I understand and also remember these moments in time - you don’t necessarily know their significance until your love has gone. Today marks the day one year ago that I lost Michael. Today has been a rollercoaster of emotions - tears mostly, but shared some stories with my family. He was so loved. Who knows why we were chosen to walk this journey or why they were called to heaven so early in their lives. I will continue to try to live in the day that I am in, honor Michael’s life with everything I do, and be the best person I can be until I see him again. Until I do, I will pray to accept my loss, and pray for peace and healing for all of us. Grateful for the support. Janet
Janet, I’m so sorry. I know how you’re feeling and how hard it is. My heart aches for you. I’m glad you had family to share memories with. Honoring Michael and the wonderful life you shared together is what I do each day too. They’re a part of us and of who we are. That can’t be taken away from us. We’ll always have those wonderful memories. God Bless Robin
8/18 has come and passed. Jeff would of been 63. This year I celebrated his birthday quietly on the back deck sitting near the fire pit. I raised my glass to him as a warm breeze brushed across my face. It's been 3.5 years since he passed and I can say his Birthday is still hard to get through, no matter how busy I try to keep myself. Grief is a funny thing, It is always there. I know I will never not be grieving, but it would be nice to have a reprieve. If only I could talk with him again, just for a minute or two.
Mary, Special dates, birthdays, theirs and ours, anniversaries etc are so difficult to get through. Quietly spending time on the deck seems like a nice way to honor Jeff. I’m coming up on my birthday in early Sept, and already dreading it. Ron made every day special, but we closed our business on our birthdays and spent a quiet day together, at the beach or a movie or stayed home. I miss that so much. I’d love to talk to Ron too, but what would I say if it was only for a couple minutes. Ask if he’s ok, tell him I love him more then ever and miss him so much. Ask him to hold me tight. The last thing he said to me before being rolled into the ambulance was, I love you Robin, he said it loud so everyone could hear and many times. I didn’t answer him but I was holding his hand. I’d like to answer him. I love you Ron. But he knows. I wish you could talk to Jeff too. Wouldn’t that be special. Robin
I made it through another Thanksgiving. This is the third without my Jeff. It doesn’t seem to be getting easier. I tried to keep it stress free, my daughter cooked a beautiful meal. Still I felt overwhelmed. My grandkids helped some, I was able to focus on them when I felt like hiding in my room. People I work with do not seem to understand why I feel this way, I get well it’s been almost 4years and maybe next year you will feel better. Grief doesn’t have a timeline
Hi Mary, I was thinking about you and wondering how you made it through the holiday. This is my second without Michael, and in some ways was harder than the first. My brother and his family traveled from NY to ‘celebrate’ with me, and even though it was great to see them and we had a good time seeing each other, I couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of emptiness and ‘something’s just not right’. I pray for relief and healing everyday. Made it one more day…those who think we should be ‘done’ and back to ‘normal’ just don’t get how this works_ Hope you are doing ok. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. jmd
Thank you, I feel that emptiness as well somedays more than others. It feels like something is missing, a darkness that I just cant touch, a big void. I try to fill it with family, my grandbabies keep me going, but sometimes I just want to be alone and feel my grief. I don't sit and dwell like I used to, but I do feel the need at times to sit alone and grieve. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Peace Mary
Mary, I came home late afternoon, and saw that you put a LIKE on my "carpe diem" to my close friend, Deb, whose husband died only 8 months ago. I'm considered a "leader", bc my wife died suddenly in front of me, exactly 3 years ago, before Thanksgiving. We had no children, so my situation is different than yours, as a young grandmother. But, of course, we share the ups & downs of mourning for our spouses every day. My day usually starts off sad & lonely. But, when I walk to the nearby ocean ( I live on Cape Ann, on the northern coast of Massachusetts. Do you live near the ocean, in Maine?)You have a beautiful state. Linda & I did weekend getaways in every New England state. Nature sustains me, even in winter. I'm glad to see you on here again, Mary. I joined Grief in Common the end of July this year, and I looked back and saw that your husband died almost a year before Linda died. You were very kind in welcoming me to GIC. I read that you're a registered nurse, and I want to thank you, especially in these perilous times. Linda's favorite nurse meant so much to her. I hope you will stay with us on GIC, especially through Christmas & New Year's Day. It would be good if you could share your emotions about Jeff, with some of the newer members. My user name is Van Gogh, but I originally chose him, bc I was a tortured, lonely soul like he was. My name is Lou. Hope to "talk"with you again later. One of the aspects of mourning, for me, is fatigue. I'm about to take a nap, and will check in with The Grief Warriors (TGW), a title I made up, later tonight. Lou
