Helping others contemplating suicide

Hello, this is my first post. My name is Rose; I lost my husband to suicide in May, 2004 He was 40 years old and lived with depression and substance use. He had already lost two brothers to suicide loss and he had multiple attempts. We had two children and at the time that he died, I was battling late stage breast cancer. I was trying to stay alive, and he wanted to die.

So, today, I am a 57 year old widow. I am grandparent. I am cancer free. So, many blessings in my life. But, at the same time, it 'sneaks' up on me. I had that experience this last week at work; I work as a social worker and counsel veterans. This person I was talking to was communicating he was thinking about suicide. Young man, father of two, far from home. I had just wrapped up a 55 hour work week. I was so upset because I could not provide him with enough support. I was being especially hard on myself as I did spend time with him, and provided him resources and allowed him plenty of space to talk. But, I find when I get too tired, I feel especially responsible and that gets me way down.

Anyway, would love to connect with others. Thank you in advance for reading.

 

A ball of fear hits me in the gut when I envision the last image of my husband or someone reaches out and there just aren't enough resources. The mental health disparity is astounding. These people need help. I offer my personal number because I need the peace of mind to know I did everything I could. I don't knowxifci could survive another preventable suicide, especially being in the medical field. I carry guilt, shame and anger for not seeing the signs initially. I can't let it happen again.