Help. I need advice ..

Linda was a procrastinator, too. When I
went to her apartment for the first time,
I was struck with how beautifully
decorated it was ( she loved paintings &
flower arranging). But, she had one room
into which she threw extraneous stuff!
We stayed at her apartment, bc my studio
was bare. I just had one single bed, so we
slept on sleeping bags on the floor. She
bought me a futon, which I called "for
sissies", and we both laughed. I had a small
cassette player, and I loved playing Hootchie Cootchie Man, by Muddy Waters.
Linda was a very generous woman. She
bought me a much bigger cassette player.
Our first date was at The House of Blues
in Cambridge, where I lived. We went
back for a visit and the city had changed.
The music place was gone. I just heard
there will be a unique lunar eclipse,
Nov 18 to 19, affecting our zodiac signs.
I looked up my sign, CANCER, the crab.
Linda & I preferred crab! Apparently, I
will be the life of the party, at the Shack.
Thanks for writing to me this am, before
your busy day, Deb. I just got an "alert",
so I'll find out who it is. Lou

 

Robin, this is your anniversary 17th -- 3 years and I'm hoping you and your daughter are hugging and remembering Ron and good memories. I remember the candle you sent me on my anniversary Nov 4th for 1 year of losing Jack. I'm sending your candle of light back to you today. May there be light at the end of the tunnel. Yes, I believe for all of us. My heart is with you today and always, Karen

 

Karen, thank you for reaching out to
Robin today, on the very sad, 3rd year
anniversary of Ron's death. You are very
kind to remember the important dates
of TGW. I will give comfort to Robin now
Thank you for reminding me. As I told
Deb, I plan to go to the Shack on Friday
night, as usual, rather than sit home
alone, crying for Linda on the 3rd year
anniversary of her death. Have you
heard about the unusual lunar eclipse,
Nov 18-19? It is supposed to have an
"electrifying" effect on our zodiac signs.
I don't follow my sign every day, but I
must say that the description of my sign,
CANCER, the crab, fits. Linda used to joke
with me, that the crab fit! Lou

 

Lou, another laugh. I promise I won't call you a crab, Hum! maybe.

 

Lou, I know how sensitive you are. My above comment is just a joke.

 

Well,Karen, I KNEW you'd pick up on
this---at my expense! What were some
of Jack's nicknames for you, if I may be so
bold to ask?! Lou

 

Well, nothing exciting. Honey Bunny & Sweetie Pie. I wasn't always a Honey or Sweetie, but sometimes a grump.

For some reason, Lou, you make me laugh.

 

Thanks, Karen. From the moment we met,
Linda called me Sweetie. Little did she
know,,,, Kim is here to drive me to
market. Talk later! Lou

 

Little did she know,,,,,Hum!!!

 

Karen Thank you so much. I appreciate you reaching out today. We decided to go out for breakfast, Ron loved going out to eat. Then we walked the trails at a wild life refuge we visited often. And then dinner out and plan to watch one of Rons favorite movies. Staying busy without really doing too much. Trying not to relive that horrific day 3 years ago at 11:34 pm. Sharing memories and doing things Ron enjoyed, to honor him. ❤️ Robin

 

Robin, sounds like a wonderful day and Ron probably was with you especially at dinner knowing how much guys like to eat. I keep forgetting you are 3hrs ahead. Sleep well, K

 

❤️ Thank you. Lighting a Chinese lantern soon and heading out for dinner. It’s about 5pm here right now. I do feel Rons presence. He wants me to live life and be ok. I’m trying. Robin

 

Don't forget to order something Ron always loved. He is with you. Chinese lantern, awe.

 

"Hum", my a----! Can't use bad language,
so I'll just say you're a wiseguy, instead of
a wise---, Karen!! Lou

 

George,

I can't even begin to imagine how difficult all of this discarding and packing has been for you... All I had to do was empty out one walk in closet, a drop in the bucket in comparison to what you have to do, TU!!! I was teary eyed the entire time I was clearing out the closet, and moving everything into the guest bedroom. It seems like almost every single thing in that closet triggered a memory..., a memory of much happier times..., now so bittersweet... I felt Bob's presence as I was getting ready for my HVAC appointment on Friday. It was a comforting feeling, but at the same time, a very sad feeling...

The worst was having to spend way too much time inside that guest bedroom... All those horrible images... Bob, so weak..., having to have the side rails up all the time on that hospital bed, or else he could have easily slid onto the floor at night, so weak...unable to get himself back up. The worst part was seeing that blanket (still crumpled up in the same back corner of the desk where I put it after the ambulance sped off with Bob inside for that final ride) my daughter had made for him. It is mostly a collage of pictures from family vacations when the children were growing up, and a few pictures from 2019, when our daughter, and youngest son, came to visit us soon after Bob was discharged from a hospital stay. Those pictures are especially hard to look at. My daughter and son took Bob and I out for dinner at one of our favorite restaurants by the ocean. Bob was so frail, he had trouble walking with his rollator, but was determined to walk through the entire restaurant, so we could be seated outside on the back patio, facing the water... Our server took a picture of the four of us. Bob barely looked like himself. His eyes and smile were the same, but if you didn't know him that well, and hadn't seen him for awhile, you probably wouldn't have recognized him. I need to stop here... I'm a total emotional train wreck!!!, TU!!!

Backing way up to the beginning of this message, I always thought of you as TUGW, but after just one afternoon clearing out a closet, and only having to bring everything as far as the guest bedroom, I'm feeling even more stuck at the bottom of that seemingly never ending roller coaster of emotions. You are TUGW!!!, TU!!! I can still hear Tom Zuba's words in my head... "choose life," as though he was talking directly to me. Like you, I am determined to keep moving forward... I want Bob to be proud of me, the way I know Valerie is proud of you.

No worries!!! It's way beyond understandable why you've been a bit distracted from GIC, TU!!! We "get" it!!!, TU (last one for now.) You as well as all of TGW, are always in my daily prayers... We'll be here for you whenever you're able to stop by.

Sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou,

I hope you had a good day, and shared many laughs with the woman who cuts your hair (can't think of her name), and later on with Kim. Thanks for getting me to smile.... I know you will be the life of the party at the Shack!!!, TU!!! I needed that smile!!!, TU!!!

It's been a super difficult day for me, just "talked" about it in a message to George. I need to take in the garbage can and recycling bin. I think I need to become a couch potato..., snuggled in my super soft bereavement blanket, and try to tune into something mindless on TV.

So, if I don't make it back here later tonight, I hope you have a good night, and pleasant dreams that have you waking up smiling...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Robin,

I'm so glad that you chose to honor Ron's memory by doing things that he enjoyed doing... I know he is watching over you and smiling... I know you have made him not only happy, but also so proud of you.

Although I haven't been around much today, I've been thinking of you, hoping you're okay, but knowing your daughter is with you, made me feel so much better.
Enjoy going out to eat and watching one of Ron's favorite movies, although I know everything is now so bittersweet...

Sending lots of extra hugs to you and Teddy, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, I cried when you told the story of
Bob, bravely going to the patio of the
restaurant, but, aside from his eyes and
smile, looking very old and frail. I took
Linda in a cab to the Atlantis, overlooking
the wild ocean waves across the street,for
breakfast, as we had done before. This
last time, I carried her walker up the
stairs to the dining room, and she slowly,
valiantly climbed the stairs, holding on to
the railing. My only good memory of that
was an anecdote I've told before. When
she went to the restroom, I was so
wrapped up in my coffee, food, and
the view, that I hadn't noticed the cheese
from the omelet, on her face. When
she came back to the table, she looked at
me, shook her head, and called me an
ass. Lou

 

Thatz it Deb we got to keep moving forward even though it truly SUCKS!!! Thank you for telling me about Bob and those hard things. The more I talk about Valerie and those last years It really helps. I think it's because you can get it out of your subConscious nagging at you! You are allowed to be an emotional wreck! It is important to accept this and know it is normal because I think that is healing. I'm talking to my picture of Valerie today telling her what a badAss I am selling a house (our dream before she got so sick) and doing "grown-up" stuff like I need to. It is so HARD! But we Can do it! I realize that (even though I feel guilty) Valerie would have wanted me to move on and try to make a life for me and TB... better late than never! I work at pushing away the bad when I wake up desolate (every morning! still); sometimes it works even! It seems to be getting stronger the more I do it. Hard to believe but true. I remember last Thanksgiving the last time Valerie made chilli! That was out thing! No Turkey here! LOL She was in so much pain and sick but the real dying time started in December (thatz why I'm not into Christmas!) I wrote lotsa poetry and stuff about those daze. Itz pretty heavy when I read it now. But I am going to be strong for her just like you are going to be strong for Bob. They wouldn't want us to give in to grief and since we are THE GRIEF WARRIORS; we won't! You are awesome Deb and I appreciate your heartfelt "books" as Lou sez on GIC! Much love and hugz!!!!!!!

 

Ha! Love this story! I remember Valerie's walker... she left the bubble wrap around the lower crossbar to pop during endless oncology appointments.