Help. I need advice ..

Deb!!! Great minds think alike, and,
at the same time, AGAIN! " Total
understatement!!!" "Big time!!!".....Lou

 

Robin,

I hope that the tech team is able to resolve the issues with this site ASAP!!! The timing of this problem is the absolute pits... As Lou already said, if you need us, we will be here for you on the 17th, but I also understand if you don't feel like "talking." I think I might have mentioned this to you already, but I have that widow foggy brain thing happening all the time, I hope that your daughter will be able to spend the day with you if you want company. I'm so glad, that as always, Teddy will be there for you...

I need to catch up on what seems to have become TGW "home" thread, and I want to check off some things on my daily to do list, so stopping here.

As always, sending you and Teddy lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou,

Thanks for the laugh!!! I really needed it, TU!!! Got to go...
Want to see what's happening on TGW "home" thread.

Be back tonight...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, I just read your post to Lou here. Don't feel bad for not going into shops now, I don't. I shop on line. I try to stay away from pain if possible, but my daughter wanted to go to Trader Joe's so I went choking up at every isle Jack used to roam. He had to go down every isle in Costco and any grocery store. I remember all the stops, all the foods he used to buy and losing me in Costco. He always took off with the cart when I was looking at something and losing each other. We had only one cell phone then. Going to places he loved colors the rest of my day, I just can't stop the painful memories and hoping they will become good memories someday and for you and everyone on GW's. I think Lou may be at that point, more good memories than painful ones? Or the painful ones turn into good ones? When I say painful, I mean ones that make me cry and bring on Mr. Grief. I just can't stand it.

But, the reason I'm responding to you is I got a laugh out of your comments -- Flattened by a train and energizer bunny. You have a sense of humor and that's part of you that didn't go with Bob. I'm sure you kept him in stitches.

Insurance, ugh! good luck. I'm on SS and Medicare now with a pretty good plan.

Hope your day is going okay, it's 3:15 your time as I write. Bless you Deb, Karen

 

Deb, I hope things get resolved quick too. I haven’t heard back from Karyn yet. I know she sent my email to the technicians and she said she’d get back to me.
I will be spending the day with my daughter, that’s the reason she’s taking the day off. She doesn’t want me to be alone. Deb, I can only afford catastrophic coverage too. It’s ridiculous.
I’m going through foggy brain as well. It will pass as I make it through the 17th. Hmm, maybe not until after Christmas but the 17th is a big one to get past.
Ive accomplished very little here today so I’ll be trying to check some things off my list too. Thank you for your continued support.
❤️ Robin

 

Hi Lou, sorry everyone is having problems with this site, it's very frustrating. As I told George and Gary I'm okay here. I have desktop computer, high speed internet and Wifi that Jack set us up for. But, there should be no excuse for people using Android, etc. with the technology these days. But, everything is just machines that go wrong and sites too. Jack used to cuss the computer when something went wrong, I told him it's only a machine. I'm sure Karyn will straighten it out. Maybe having personal e-mails for back up would be a good idea.

But, getting back to your question on Thanksgiving. This is the second year my sister/husband and my daughter are coming here. They bring most of the food. They care so much for me they don't want me alone. It's hard, "Keeping up Appearances". I think that was a British show on PBS, very funny. Usually I fade out after dinner needing a nap. Jack and I used to entertain frequently, now I could care less. But, again, I really don't want to be alone going on the second year. First 6-8 months all I wanted to do is be by myself and I did. Now I think not.

I'm so glad you are having a nice Thanksgiving with good friends, that means a lot doesn't it? Do you have Christmas plans yet? The 19th is coming up for you and Deb, my heart is with you both as everyone here too. Blessings to you, Karen

 

Thank you Lou, I’ll keep you posted on how things go with this site. I’m waiting to hear again from Karyn. I’m glad your situation is resolved at least. I’m glad you’re doing well and the 19th isn’t becoming a total mess in your head like I’m dealing with. I’ll get through it with the help of TGW and my daughter and son.
I have my brother and his wife invited for Thanksgiving dinner. Kind of hoping just my brother comes. And of coarse my daughter and her puppy. Christmas I’m kind of thinking we’ll stay home and just relax in Pj’s all day. Im glad you have a place to be on thanksgiving and with such a special family. Robin

 

Karen, good to be able to talk with you,
Deb, Robin, Patti, and other GW again.
As our funny friend, Deb, says, "Total
understatement!!!". I do believe that all
TGW have a great sense of humor, as did
our spouses. I feel so much better rhat
I can quote Linda's comical phrases ( at
times directed at me!!). I like to make
people laugh.Linda hated shopping
malls, so she ordered our clothes by way
of catalogs. I also patronize a Main St.,
family owned clothing store. I feel a 3:46
nap comimg........ Lou

 

Yes, Linda's funny phrases are funny and make me laugh. I can just see her saying them to you and what your expression may of been. Ha!

 

Karen,just woke up from a nap and was
pleased ( and amused) to see your reply,
as always. After my weekly Monday
phone therapy at 11am, I decided to stay
inside and take it easy today. It was the
coldest day of the week, in the low 40s, and
I didn't feel like bundling up in layers,of
a heavier shirt. hoodie, cap with visor,
fall jacket, and sunglasses. I don't like
to wear my winter coat & gloves until
winter ( hopefully not until Dec.). I seem
to be doing a lot better with the sad
anniversary of Linda's death, coming up
this Friday, Nov 19. Robin is having a
rougher time than I am, after 3 years. I
plan to go to the Shack bar as I do every
Friday night, and the American Legion on
Sat am, for coffee with the veterans.Kim,
wbo'sa daughter to me,drives me to
the supermarket every Wed afternoon,
and we have a lot of laughs. Even though
she never knew Linda ( none of my friends
did). I quote Linda's lines to her.As I told
Deb,I strongly believe Linda would have
been good friends with all the women
here. She always wanted a sister, or a
female friend. I try not to feel sad that
she had neither one. Like many couples,
we were our best (& only) friends, That
made it much more difficult when she
died suddenly. I had no one in my life.
That won't happen again. If my friends
are not available, I can always count on
TGW. If I wake up after midnight, I look
for you, Stacey, or Robin, or just post my
feelings. Thanks for being such a good
( and funny!) friend. Lou

 

Karen, so glad you feel better about having
relatives over for Thanksgiving this year.
You & I can compare notes the next day!
Linda and I loved "Keeping Up Appearances" !! We knew someone like
Hyacinth, who was always bragging about
her children, like she did, about her
precious son, Sheridan, who you never
see. We loved how her meek female
neighbor and her visiting brother would
hide, in terror,from her loud voice. Linda
& I lived in a small apartment, so Linda
had a tiny Christmas tree. We just took
it easy, inPJs , as Robin put it. My
town comes alive with lights, a huge
Christmas tree in the square, outside the
Shack, and shops open Christmas Eve.
Linda always liked Christmas Eve, better
than Christmas day, bc nothing was open,
except pharmacies. What do you think
you may do? Lou

 

Lou, I see the 19th is on a Friday and I'm so, so, very happy you will be surrounded by your friends, my gosh, you've come a long way. You're posts are such a testimony to us who have not reached the 3rd year. Maybe your baby steps from grief have developed into toddler steps?

Jack's daughter told me you never get over grief it just becomes familiar. Hum! never thought about it that way.

Maybe I should of sent this at 9PM my time so you would have something to read after midnight, hoping not, hoping you get a good nights sleep. K

 

No plans for Christmas yet. Jack and I always love Christmas Eve too. I'll bet your town is magical on the holidays. Do you get snow? After the kids grew up Christmas wasn't the same. But, my daughter who is grown still needs her sock filled every year, so that's tradition. I thought about going to candle light service, but I know I would ball my eyes out with the hymns, still can't listen to music.

Yes, that show was a gas, so darn funny

 

Karen, Jack's daughter is brilliant. I never
thought of it that way. Everyone grieves
differently, as we know. I still cry most
mornings, but not with the intensity I did
before. I usually don't cry when I listen
to a playlist of songs on my phone, but,
on Friday, the day after Veterans Day, I did.
At the outdoor ceremony, when I saw
my veteran friends, putting their military
hats ( of different wars) over their hearts,
as we stood for the National Anthem, I
got choked up. When the bugler played
TAPS, I lost it, bc it not only represented
dead soldiers, but also my wife. The wife
of a Vietnam Marine saw me, came over,
and wordlessly gave me a big hug. She
introduced me to her husband. She said
he was stoic and reserved. I made them
laugh, when I told them that when Linda
& I watched a sad movie, I was the one
who cried, not her. Linda would look at
me, and say, " You hard hearted thing ", and we would both laugh. I try to test
myself if I can hear something without
crying. When I was in high school, I saw
Martin Luther King, Jr. speak, a couple years before he was assassinated in 1968.
When I hear his speech "I may not make it
to the Promised Land", I weep, but not
just for him, but for Linda, too. Both of
them had premonitions of their deaths.
Linda had made me promise to be happy,
if anything happened to her. As I've said
here before, she also didn't want me to
live alone. and to "find another woman" .
She tried so hard at PT in the rehab unit,
but part of her didn't think she'd make it.
Now. I'm glad her favorite nurse told me
she died quickly, instead of lingering in
pain with cancer, and an uncertain
future. The last time we got hit with a
lot of heavy snowstorms, was in 2015. It
was a pain, bc it hindered my walking. it is
nice when there's a pretty dusting of
snow, on the trees and grass on
Christmas morning. Do you get much
snow? I loved it when I was a boy, bc it
meant no school. sledding, snowball
fights, and building snow forts. Lou

 

Karen.

I had to laugh because Bob used to do the same thing that Jack did in every single place we shopped. I hope that someday, "Mr. Grief" will decide that it's time to let us shop in peace... I hope that even though the memories will be with us when we shop, and will always be bittersweet, hopefully in time, they will become much more sweet, lots less bitter... I will be so happy if the day ever arrives when I don't need to wear my sunglasses inside, and go armed with zillions of tissues, every time I need to go shopping!!!, TU!!! Backing up a bit, I don't think painful memories will ever become good ones and visa versa. I think that as we continue to heal, the painful ones will lose some of their sting, while the happy ones will cause less tears. I don't know if I'm answering your question or if I'm making much sense, I'm way past exhausted, both physically and emotionally, again tonight. I'm too tired to even reread this to see if it makes any sense to me, so if it doesn't make any sense to you, just scrap the above.

On to better things... Thank you for getting me to smile tonight. I know I've changed in so many ways since Bob's death, and I know I'll never be the same person I was before, but it is good to hear you tell me that my sense of humor didn't go with Bob. I'm glad I got you to laugh, if only for a second. I think that being able to laugh is something that so many people probably take for granted, I know I did before Bob died, but it is something that all of us should treasure. Without laughter, the world would be such a miserable place, TU!!!

I have to tell you that Bob was by far the funniest person I ever knew. I was attracted to him right away because of his wonderful sense of humor. Even though I was extremely attracted to him physically, if he hadn't had that sense of humor, it wouldn't have mattered if he was the most handsome man on earth, the relationship wouldn't have made it past a couple of dates. His sense of humor made the best of times even better, and helped us get through the worst of times. We kept each other laughing and shared so many inside jokes. Just thinking about all those inside jokes..., those remember whens..., has me teary eyed as I'm "talking" to you.

The one thing I can say is that life with Bob was never boring. He had a great sense of adventure, loved to travel, and go on spur of the moment day trips. I remember BK (before kids as we used to say), he would always be up at the crack of dawn on the weekends, even if we had been up really late the night before, eager to start the day, always thinking of ways to make even ordinary chore days more fun. I remember I would roll over, pull the covers over my head, and beg him to either go back to sleep for awhile, or to get up, and start the coffee, but not at least for half an hour more!!! Lots of times he would make me breakfast. He made the best omelettes... He loved to cook. I'm starting to ramble on and on and on again, maybe Energizer should hire me for one of their commercials, so stopping here.

Thank you so much for your reply. It has brought back some really good memories, even though I've gone through several tissues while I've been "talking" to you. I HATE!!!, as I've said so many times before, that from now on, life will always be bittersweet. I would do anything for just one tear free day... I wish I had a magic wand and all of TGW could have one tear free day... I don't think this is asking for too much, but, and this is another one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, unfortunately "Mr. Grief" is here to stay...

As always, sending you and Rambo hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Robin,

I'm so glad your daughter is taking the day off from work so she can spend it with you. I love how close you and your daughter are... It makes me smile every time you tell me about things she has done for you, or the things the two of you have done together.

I'm sorry you're paying way too much for health care too$$$!!!, but praying you don't get your money's worth out of it, TU!!! The cost of decent health care in this country is way past ridiculous!!! I better stop here, before I start rambling on and on and on about this... I never thought I would look forward to being eligible for Medicare. So sad...

It makes me teary eyed even trying to imagine how I"m going to feel on the one year anniversary of Bob's death... I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I guess I'm still way to near the beginning of this miserable healing process to be of much help. Sending you the biggest hug ever... I know you, me, and all of TGW will make it through the darkest days of our lives.... We can and will do this together!!!! Our name says it all, we are TGW!!!

I hope you got all of the things on your to do list accomplished. I made a way too ambitious list for today, and still have some things that are going to have to go on tomorrow's list. Lack of sleep just makes this foggy brain thing so much worse, and things seem to take so much longer to complete.

I hope you manage to get some much needed quality sleep tonight...

Sending you and Teddy lots more hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, let me jump into your conversation
with our friend, Karen. It hasn't stopped me before! Your email was perfect. I agree
with you about a sense of humor, being
a must in a soulmate. I seem to remember
that Burt Reynolds was asked which
woman he would want with him on an
island. Everyone thought he would say a
ravishing beauty. He surprised everyone
by saying Carol Burnett, bc she made him
laugh. That was the first thing Linda & I
noticed about each other, after the
initial physical attraction. Linda used to
say I was a sucker for a woman's smile
and laugh. She had a point. I was never
attracted to the pouty supermodels on the
runway fashion shows. I think guys, in
particular, are stupid if they marry a woman with a good figure. As we know,
that changes for men and women as they
age. That's why I loved what Harry ( Joe
Bologna) said to the less experienced
widower ( Len Cariou). In Boynton
Beach Club, about the aging of bodies, in
regard to sexual partners. Lou

 

Lou,

I couldn't agree with you more, TU!!! BTW, Bob loved Carol Burnett... I need a tissue..., every single memory has me in tears tonight... The friends Bob and I have, all have a wonderful sense of humor. Our cruising friends are too of the funniest people I know, with also two of the biggest hearts on earth. My friend who lives a couple streets away from me is super funny too. Although we do lots of crying, we also do lots of laughing. Laughter is so necessary in life, TU!!! It makes everything at least a bit better.

Back to what you were talking about, that old saying, "beauty is only skin deep," is so true... As we age, we all change physically, sometimes as in the case with both Linda and Bob, it happens way too quickly because of illness. It's what's inside a person that really matters. To repeat what I said in a different message, in sort of a different context, but sort of in the same context too, the rest is just frosting on the cake, TU!!! (last one for the night.)

Normally I could send you one of my books about this, but I'm just way too toasted!!! (Sorry, this word seemed to type itself and I decided not to delete it.) I'm smiling through those tears again, knowing that Bob would have something funny to say about this.

Sleep well...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

P.S. Lou, I'm always jumping into other people's conversations!!!

 

P.S.S. So frazzled, I didn't even realize I typed that last line twice, I think I might be able to get some sleep tonight... I hope so, I have to get up early tomorrow. I can't seem to stop "talking," even when it's almost impossible for me to continue "talking." As always, thinking of Bob right about now...