Kat, thank you for your kind reply. I am so sorry about your continued heartbreak, & difficulty sleeping . My doctor gave me a small dosage of over the counter Melatonin, non addictive, to relax me enough, to sleep 4 hours, in the beginning, and gradually build on that. I agree that Robin's words are wise, moving, and comforting. Thank you for sharing your soulmate's name is CJ. I say Linda's name, as often as I can, bc her spirit is within me, and I must honor her memory, Lou
Kat, I’m happy that those words hit home for you. And will bring you comfort. I find it to be true. I hear Ron from within guiding me or cheering me on. I know you’ll experience that with CJ, her voice will get you through some rough times and give you the push you might need to get fresh air or smile without guilt. Our life partners can still support and love us. As much as I miss Ron it’s his love and honoring him that has helped me find some peace. Sometimes i miss him more then 2 years ago. He’s been gone way too long. And sometimes he pushes me and I get moving and feel stronger. Let CJ’s inner voice help guide you. Be open to it. Kat, there are better days ahead, keep working towards them. Robin.
Summer ( really gives me hope to call you that after the record breaking wind chills of the last 2 days), you captured my feelings when you said, "Sometimes I miss him more than 2 years ago. He's been gone way too long". In The Widower's Notebook, a memoir, by Jonathan Santlofer, the author comes to the sad realization his wife of 40 years, Joy, will never come back----EVER. Where I differ from Jonathan is my belief in God, and in an afterlife, where my spirit will be reunited with Linda's. I have a friend, in his late 60s, who had a near death experience on the operating table in the ER, after a terrible car crash, at 20. He felt his spirit rise above his surgeons' heads,and went through a tunnel to a bright light.,Then. he heard voices of people he knew , who had died. Finally. he felt surrounded by incredible bright colors and beauty, and felt a female Mother Earth sensation of hearing a voice ask, "Are you ready?". He snapped into an awareness of his physical surroundings,knew he wasn't eager to transition, and felt a peace he never knew. He is the calmest person I know, and I go to him whenever I feel angry, sad, lonely, and missing Linda. Ms. Hum once posed the question to the Grief Warriors if we believe in an afterlife. Many of us do. My dear friend, DEB, though enjoying her new life with her dog companion, feels strongly that her spirit will be reunited with Bob's someday. But, as an 80 year old widow, founder of a widowed persons support group, jokingly said, "I'm in no rush......". Lou
Robin and Kat and everyone— It’s amazing how much trauma can come from losing our soulmates and the life we shared with them. When Steve came home from the hospital, and was in hospice, it felt like the moments were excruciatingly long for him and his pain, and yet all too brief before he drew his last breath. It is painful to remember, but telling your story is part of the healing process. Keep sharing and we’ll keep sharing love and support. ❤️
Oh my gosh Lou, these last couple of days were like nothing I’ve experienced before. I foolishly went out Friday evening to get supplies to make soup. That was foolish of me. At one point I had 0° with the wind chill at -18. Glad that’s gone and more normal temps in 40’s. I’m a firm believer that Ron and I will reunite one day and everything will feel right in our world once again. Thank you for sharing your friends near death experience. I’ve watched many pod casts of people who have experienced near death experiences. They’re all very similar to what your friend experienced. I am going through what is making me feel like I’m going backwards. I know I’ll get past it. And everyone on GIC helps me through. Robin or Summer
Thank you Deborah, There’s nothing in life that can prepare us for the excruciating pain that we each feel from losing our soul mates. And people in our lives don’t realize we desperately need to talk about our loss, to remember special times and need them to share their memories. People avoid those conversations and that’s the conversations we need most. Robin
Thank you so much for your support BGreene. I am so sorry for the loss of your wife as well. I will try to check out the chat group some morning. I think that would be helpful for me. Thanks for telling me about it. Wishing you peace too.
Thank you Sweetcole. Your words are encouraging. I am really hoping time does become my ally now. It has felt more like a merciless bully up to this point. Taking it one day at a time is sage advice. Sometimes I have to break it down to just 1 hour at a time. It does feel good to have people who are further down the road than I am to converse with. Thanks for reaching out.
Thanks for the good advice eyepilot13. Being kind and gentle to ourselves is so important. I am so sorry for your loss of Valerie. I feel the same way you do. CJ was my very best friend and soulmate. After 3 decades of sharing our lives together I just can't find words to express how hard this is. Thank you for reaching out. It is very helpful.
Rose, thank you so much for reaching out. I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I really resonated with what you said. I love thinking of CJ and I as a "fusion." I absolutely believe that we are forever connected and our love lives on forever. I do feel her with me. I also agree that it is a crucial part of the grieving process to share your pain and feelings with others who are going through the same process. I feel like I'm ready to do that now. I appreciate your comforting words. Kat
Hi Deborah, thanks for reaching out and encouraging me to share my story. I am ready to do that now, as painful as it is. I am so sorry for your loss of Steve. It is traumatizing to suffer the loss of a soulmate. So shocking. So hard to know how to move through the world without them being with us physically. I do feel CJ with me on a spiritual level and I hang on to that. I think getting support here will really help me on my healing journey.. Really appreciate all of you. Kat
Bro George, it is so good to see you on here this morning, giving comfort to our newest member, Kat. I woke up crying, as I usually do, for my sweet wife, Linda. Like Robin, whose husband, Ron, died about the same time as Linda, over 4 years ago, it's sometimes better and sometimes worse today than it was 2 years ago. I stopped drinking then , bc I was rapidly going into a downhill spiral of depression. Lately, when out with friends, at a bar with live entertainment, I've been tempted to start drinking again. But, the words of my former grief counselor suggesting I stop, for my physical, mental, & emotional well being , have held me in check. Now, I try ( your good word--TRY) to get lost in music, as you do with your art. Bro Lou
Lou I know each of us goes through ups and downs on our own time with our own fires that ignite those feelings. I don’t want you feeling how I’m feeling right now but since our losses were pretty much at the same time, hearing that your feeling this extra woe is me like I am right now. I’m sorry but as we say, misery loves company. Hope this passes for each of us fast. I think as we get closer to spring things will feel better. For me, I shut down. For you it could be drinking again. I’m glad you’re successfully fighting that urge. Music is so much better for your soul. Take care Lou. Summer.
Thank you so much, Summer. I needed to hear your empathetic, likeminded take on things at this point in our grief journey. I have hope, bc it is 40s, sunny, and I can hear birds chirping outside my window---- an early sign of spring to come. Lobsterman Lou
Hey there Lousterino, woke up kranky today which is melding into pissed-off! TB is sick again and of course I bought his sushi with the disgusting and hateful brown rice. He's as fussy as his mother at times. I try but often F up! I wish I could get lost in art! Hope I do better. Thanks for letting me vent! Take care LobsterBro!
Lou, I have 40’s too. After last weekend this feels toasty warm. It might hit 50 today. Seems crazy. But loving it. Teddy will get to play outside. I have birds chirping and to. I have all winter though. They love the seed I put out in Ron birds feeder. Iris singing is a good feel for sure. Hoping for others to get a break from the winter. Robin
Bro Lombardo, you can vent whenever you want. Our creepy grief journey involves being pissed off, or sad, or even happy, once in a while. We're on a ride in Bro Gar's "twisted amusement park". L
Grief bomb: https://app.robly.com/archive?id=38d3e269aafc593dabd3e42f316a5c27&v=true ....retreating ~B
Those are comforting words to read. I know Grace is present in my life, amongst this "turmoil" I'm going through, I just need to re-learn to embrace it again, instead of ignoring it. Rose.
