Lost my partner of 30 years to cancer 5 months ago. It was only 6 weeks from diagnosis to her death. It was so fast. So shocking. She was my best friend. My everything. We knew each other ever since we were kids. I feel like my entire history has just disappeared. Having to weather all of the holidays and both of our birthdays during these first few months has made things all the more difficult. I have just been holding my breath and hanging on trying not to die myself. I am finally feeling like I may be able to breathe a little bit. Relieved that there at least will be no more "anniversary days" clubbing me over the head every time I turn around now until July. I feel like I have room now to feel things more cleanly. I know I would really benefit from the support of people who truly understand what this is like. How all-encompassing it is. How deeply agonizing it is. This is more difficult than words can express.