Half of me no longer lives.

I feel as though half of me has died. My purpose has diminished and on most days I feel like there is no point. I dont know what to do to get better. I'm afraid of damaging myself in the long run. Is it okay to feel every feeling even though it feels like you're dying from a painful death? Or do I keep busy and talk to people and meet people and work all the time? I'm tired.

 

My husband passed away on April 11, 2021. Losing someone who you loved, still love, with all your heart, is the worst kind of pain imaginable. I find that being outside, taking long walks, helps me cope. I try to stay as busy as possible, but everywhere I go, reminds me of my husband. Just walking by one of his favorite foods in the grocery store is enough to trigger those tears. There is no escaping from this pain. Be gentle with yourself. Take care of yourself the best that you can. I'm sorry I don't have any answers for you. I just want you to know that I understand how you feel. Sending you lots of hugs, wishing you peace... DEB321

 

Hi Deb. I'm so sorry for your loss too. I keep you in my thoughts and send you positive and peaceful vibes.

I try to remind myself that its okay to feel the way i'm feeling and that others experience similar pain too.. Its been 2 months now and i feel a bit more calm in my grieving. Although i miss him terribly, most days i can function. I feel more at peace when im around people and while i work or do activities. The triggers, like you said come out of the blue but i make sure i feel the feelings and then move forward.

 

Thank you Tulsirkumar. I was concerned about you when I read your first post. After reading your response, I'm glad you're taking positive steps to help yourself. You're participating in the "real world," while at the same time, allowing yourself to feel those painful moments... I think grief is like being on an emotional roller coaster with no way to stop the ride. I'm sorry you have to be here, but glad you found this site. Please continue to let us know how you're doing. As always, wishing you peace, wishing all of us peace...

 

Thank you deb. As horrible as it sounds.. its comforting to know im not alone in this. Hope we can connect more.

 

I'm glad you're finding comfort in knowing you're not alone. Keep sharing your feelings. I will be "listening." Sending hugs your way, and as always, wishing you peace, all of us peace...

 

My first post here. We met in high school. 52 yrs together. He was the love of my life & died suddenly in our kitchen of V fib while putting in a trash can liner. Its going to be my 73rd birthday next month. I have no family here in Nevada. Actually, few to none family support. The weekends are the worst and I have summer SAD so I cannot go outside in the sun and hot weather. I would like to chat/write/meet other widows who have experienced this sudden loss. I feel it has damaged me for forever. I have one parakeet left as her mate died 2 moths ago and I get out of bed each day to care for her and charge up his laptop so she can see other parakeets on you tube daily.
I don't cook, have no appetite, and don't know how to get on with my Chapter 2. And I do not drive any more.
Thank you fpr listening and I hope to have some one reach out to me. I still feel in shock a lot and am so overwhelmed with vehicles, tools, and daily life. Thank you and huge hugs to all going through this misery. xx

 

We were married 36yrs. I am so lost! How do I stop this crying every single day???

 

We were married 37 years. She died the day after our anniversary and spent the anniversary in Hospice. I can't know exactly how you feel, no one can, but I can definitely understand it and related to it because I did the same thing for several weeks. All I can tell is what the grief counselor on this site told me, and that is to remind yourself that this is how you are feeling "today". It doesn't mean you will feel this way forever, but "today" this is what you are having to deal with and it is natural, to be expected, and probably is good that you are not suppressing your grief. We all grieve differently. It has been going on 7 months for me and I feel like I finally turned a corner a few weeks ago where I am more focused on the positive things in my life than mourning what I no longer have. It is hard. I still miss my wife terribly bad and wish she were still with me. But I've come to finally accept that she is not and she never will be again this side of eternity, so I have to forge ahead to make the best of how ever long I'll be left here. I have my religious beliefs that give me a hope that I'll be re-united with her again and that she is still alive but in a different realm of existence than we are and is now free of all the suffering she had when she was here. I know not everyone has those beliefs and not everyone has lost loved ones who went through severe suffering before they died, so the way I'm dealing with it may not work for others. But this is what helps me and we all have to find the way to deal with it that will work for our particular situation. Hang in there. Today you are crying every single day, but remember that is "today". Remember you have the hope for better days ahead once the grief you are experiencing today subsides.

 

Well said Deb. I echo that. I know exactly what you mean about the grocery store and walking past product you used to buy. Same thing happened to me for many weeks after my wife died. A counselor recommended I go to a different store when I shared that was happening, but it didn't matter because the other stores had those products too and when I'd see them on the shelf and know I had no reason to buy them now it would bring the tears. So many things we experience are common to all of us. It is helpful to those who are newly going through this for the first time to know that there are so many of us who can relate to what they are feeling. This site has been a valuable resource to me during my grief journey.

 

" everywhere I go, reminds me of my husband" Boy, can I echo that!! My husband had a heart attack and died directly outside my bedroom door wall on the deck. Right where I sleep every night. I see him lying there and then being wheeled out by the funeral home. I take no pleasure in doing anything anymore, not even eating my meals. It seems like it's too much bother to prepare anything. Where do I go to meet people? I went to a catholic school for 12 yrs and have kinda had my fill with religion. Do I have to become a bar-fly? I can't even drink without getting sick. Not drunk, just sick. My husband and I never had any friends, we were never social people. All I do is sit at my computer watching TV and crying.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss. Although my husband had many chronic health issues and was sick for many years, the last night/early morning, right before he died was very traumatic. It's been over two months since my husband passed away. I still have to leave the door to the bathroom shut, where it was the beginning of the end. I can still "see" in my mind, everything that happened that night, right up until early morning, the next day, when he died. He died in the same room that he was wheeled into when he was transported from our house to our local hospital. I don't think I'll ever be able drive by that hospital again without falling apart.

The way my husband died wasn't peaceful, it was the worst thing I've ever witnessed. My husband was so weak, he collapsed on the floor in the guest bathroom. It is a very small room, and the paramedics didn't have a stretcher small enough to get in there. They yanked open the door to the linen closet (directly across from the bathroom) and began pulling sheets out of it. They used the sheets to get my husband out of the bathroom, then they were able to lift him up onto a stretcher. Until this incident, my husband was a very stoic man. It took a very long time before the ambulance arrived. My husband was begging me to help him the entire time, totally out of character for him. He was in severe pain. All I could do was tell him how much I love him, hold him, tell him that the ambulance would be here soon.

My husband needed a higher level of care than what our local hospital could provide because of all of his chronic health issues. My husband didn't want to die. He begged me to get him transported to the hospital where he was usually treated, where he had a specialist for just about every body part. I did everything I could to make this happen, but the ER doctor didn't think his condition was that serious. After being in the emergency department for many hours, my husband told me he was beginning to have chest pain. I ran into the hallway screaming for help. After the ER doctor saw him, he told me my husband was having a major heart attack. My husband was in critical condition. He said he called an ambulance to transport him to another hospital. He said that if the flying conditions had been better, he would have requested an air ambulance. I wasn't allowed to remain in the room with him. I was told to wait in the waiting room, but I was so upset that I asked if there was anywhere a bit more private where I could sit. They let me sit in a room that was basically a storage closet for medical supplies and equipment. I could see my husband's room from where they put me. I could see medical staff hurrying into his room. The second ambulance also took a very long time to arrive. When the EMTs finally made it to the hospital, they wheeled a stretcher to the room my husband was in. They couldn't transport him until he was stabilized. It was too late. From where I was, I could see one of the doctors leaving the room my husband was in. I saw the doctor take off his gloves. He tossed them into the garbage. I knew my husband was gone...

Although I know nothing I can do or say can take away any of the pain, I want you to know I understand. Please take care of yourself the best you can. Be gentle with yourself. I find that being outside, getting fresh air, and taking long walks helps me cope. Every morning I find something to be grateful for, no matter how small it is. I make lists of things I want to accomplish every day. Sometimes my daily lists only have one or two simple tasks on them.

I also understand how miserable it is to be alone, and feel lonely. I moved to where I'm now living shortly before my husband's health began spiraling downwards. I became his full time caregiver. All of my time and energy was focused on taking care of my husband the best I possibly could. I didn't have the desire to make new friends. My family is small and live far away from me. My friends live far away from me too. (When I'm ready), I'm planning on doing some volunteer work at an animal shelter. Being alone, and lonely in my house, is making things worse for me.

I'm glad you found this site, but I wish with all my heart that none of us had to be here. Sending you hugs, wishing you peace...

 

Thank you for sharing your feelings with me, with all of us. It really does help knowing that even though everyone's grief journey will look different from everyone else's, that there are some experiences that are common to all of us. The more time that goes by, the harder this grief journey is getting for me, everything reminds me of my husband. The smallest things make me cry. Today, while I was walking on a raised wooden path through the woods, usually a peaceful and calming experience for me, the sky became dark. It looked like it was going to rain. All of the sudden, seemingly out of nowhere, I remembered the first camping trip my husband and I went on together. We had just put up our tent, and it began to pour. I couldn't stop the tears...

I'm glad that although you still miss your wife with all your heart, you're now able to focus on positive things instead of mourning all the time. I know your wife would want this for you. You've given me hope that someday, I'll be able to focus on positive things. I know my husband would want this for me too. My husband is the reason why I force myself out of bed on the days when I don't think I have the strength to get up. He suffered so much, and yet, he always found something good, something to be grateful for, every day. Sending hugs, wishing you peace...

 

Although I didn't experience sudden loss, I can relate to being alone and feeling lonely. Losing your "person," the love of your life, is way beyond heartbreaking... Please be gentle with yourself. Take care of yourself the best you can. Try not to focus on everything you need to do all at once. If you can, make a list of the things that need to be done right away, and those that can wait.

I'm so sorry you had to find this site, but glad you did. Sending you hugs, wishing you peace...

 

I identify with you, the pain its so intense, seems like never will go away, my husband just passed away two weeks ago, the only thing that keeps me going is my 16 yr dog and also and older cat. The nighs are so long, he is not with me anymore. Please try to think about you, that's what I'm trying too, I'm still here.

 

Hi Helena, been thinking of you and lifting you
In prayer ,I am sorry I didn’t get back to you last
night.Has been rough week as came down with
stomach virus last Tuesday,I did post awhile ago
to you on the first thread.please take care of
yourself, sending big hug, love, prayers for you
and all of us on GIC. Blessings, Patti

 

Dear Skybook, I wish I had found your post sooner, my heart feels
and knows the pain you are going through.
My name is Patti, my husband name is Jack, we were
married 61 years, he had Parkinson’s 24 years, I totally
cared for Jack his last nine years 24-7, he will always
Be love of my life, I think of him throughout each day,
I still cry a lot, I believe I’ve learnt the reason God gave
us tears, to release our emotions, not hold back, it’s
part of process’s in helping us get through our loss.I
thank God everyday for HIS guidance during and caring
for Jack, those last nine years were so hard, God was
providing me strength to do all I could, enabling me
to keep my husband home, he passed in my arms, I had no
family, no friends near by to help. I hope it’s ok with you
to ask your first name, and that of your beloved husband.
I hope you’ve stayed with GIC, it’s been a real blessing for me.
I’ve connected with many in loss of spouse, where no one is a stranger
but “a family all together going through this journey of grief”
with understanding, compassion,love, helpful suggestions
which individuals are doing and sharing,
Lifting you in prayer, hugs.
Blessings, Patti

 

I'm so sorry!! I feel exactly the same way you do. As I lost my husband last Friday. It is extremely difficult to keep going, and it is exhausting nothing physically and emotionally. If you need someone to support you, feel free to reach out to me.