Grieving the loss of my husband, Angelo

June 18, 2016, God had called for my beloved husband, Angelo Calugay. It's only been 2 months, but it feels like forever! I often cry to him, because I feel he left the children and I too soon. He still has not visited me, although people say it will come, I feel as though that time will never come. Angelo and I, have been together for 24 years, married only 14 years, we share 3 beautiful children. Our oldest daughter, Aysia Janel, 21 years old, who just graduated in May, earned her Bachelors Degree in Business & Management. Our middle son, Ayden Edward, a junior in high school, & our baby girl, Amaya Rayne, just started 5th grade in elementary school.
My children and I, are grieving in our own ways, but the loss of their father, my husband has taken a toll on us.
I am seeking outreach and support groups I can attend.

 

Edrienne, I would like to connect with you as I am grieving as well from the loss of my husband 5 months ago. It's hard especially the night that are so lonely. I have to take a sleeping pill a lot of nights so I can sleep.
If you would like to talk with me I would like that very much.

 

sorry for your loss. sure, I would love to connect

 

How do you get through the lonely Night's? I go on Facebook and see what my family are doing.

 

I don't want to butt in if you don't want me to, but I too lost my husband of 30 years this past spring and pushed aside my grief for months, forcusing on caring for my kids, work. It's only now that I'm facing up to the loss. I'm working through a CBT workbook that's helping a lot. As far as the nights go, I too need a lot of medication to finally sleep. I watch TV to distract me, and sometimes I'll just get up in the middle of the night and go do something around the house - anything. Clear out a shelf, put away the dishes. Anything to feel like I'm doing *something* and not just lying there helpless. I need more social interaction but Facebook is overwhelming to me. I have fibromyalgia which limits what I can do in terms of going out, etc. That's why I was hoping this site might help. I wish you well as you ride out these waves of grief.

 

Hi, you are not butting in at all. We are all here for finding help in dealing with our loss. Like you I am dealing with it and its very hard. I am sorry you suffer from fibromyalgia and understand as I have members of my family had to deal with that too. It can't be easy having that as well the loss of your husband.I had a bad day Friday and felt like I was suffocated with the grief and couldn't stop crying. It is so hard to face this and I think you are doing as best as you can to get through the hard times. I do have to take something to help me sleep and have had many long nights when I just couldn't. I take one day at a time and do the best I can to get through them. Please take care of yourself and if you would like to talk more I am happy to do that.

 

Thanks so much Handcrafter. Yeah, there are hard days and easier days at this point. Sometimes those hard days come out of nowhere and you don't even know why. There's something similar between what goes on when you lose a loved one and what goes on when you have a chronic illness like this: in both cases you lose parts of your life. So it's like you're grieving in two ways at once. But I will get through this, and so will you. Just reaching out to others shows a lot of strength, I think. And when we help others heal I think it helps us be kinder to ourselves. We see that we'd forgive all sorts of things in others that we're beating ourselves up about and it doesn't make sense. Thanks for replying. It made me feel a lot better. ((Hugs))

 

Hi. I am glad you are sounding more confident and will try to take care of yourself and even though the times come hard to cope and feeling bad seems overwhelming you have decided to take it on. I have arthritis in my knees and sometimes its hard to walk. I am starting to walk again and it seems to be easing up. I have taken a class and that keeps my mind off things but I still know I am alone and I just realize there will be hard days. I have lost my parents and brother and sister and I am the only one left but I have kids and grandkids who help me a lot and they call me all the time. Its going to be a hard journey and sometimes I cry uncontrollably and I think that helps. I am not afraid to tell people I am having a hard day and just stay home alone and get through it. Cleaning out a closet or washing curtains anything to keep busy. Even watch tv and just sitting.

I am always here if you want to talk and if I don't answer right away its mostly because I am having a "lone" but I will respond as soon as I can.
Take care of yourself.

H.

 

As you can see, I'm the same. Not always able to reply right away. Work has been sapping all of my energy, but if I don't work, I'll just spiral into depression, so it's a catch 22. But overall things are better, grief-wise. I worked through a cognitive-behavioral therapy workbook on overcoming grief that really helped me clear out some of the swirling cloud of emotions that was blocking me from moving on. I'm not past it yet - hardly - but I can dimly see in the future a time when I might be. So that's progresss.