Grief quotes of the day

More quotes on Friday

• "Tears have a wisdom all their own. They come when a person has relaxed enough to let go and to work through his sorrow. They are the natural bleeding of an emotional wound, carring the poison out of the system. Here lies the road to recovery"
• Sadness flies away on the wings of time - Jean de la Fontaine.
• " Lucky is the spouse who dies first, who never has to know what survivors endure"
• Those we love and lose are always connected by heartstrings into infinity" - Terry Guillemets.

 

Here is one short quote:

" Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaining of life"

Last week I had my older sister and husband visiting me. They were very supporting, but they don't understand what is all about grieving, they worry about my health and they want me to sell the house and go to their State about 8 hrs drive. I feel that I'm not ready for this move, just thinking about it's overwhellming! I'm so confused, I wake up after two hrs of sleep and again thinking what should I do? I'm sure many GW they have being in a situation similar to mine. I know it's only me to make a decision, I just need some ideas...?

 

Helena, I heard that if someone's spouse
has recently died, some time must go by,
before making any major decisions. Some
say even a year, but one size does not fit
all. Your sister & her husband may be
well meaning, but you need time to heal.
You may have to thank them, but say
you're not ready. Lou

 

Helena,
In the first month I had picked out a yurt, scouted the area for property and was mentally sorting out my house to see how much I would need to get rid of to fit in a 350 sq ft living space. I wanted to walk away from everything. Go quietly sit by a stream. It’s a grief thing, my brain wanted something, Anything, to be different and picked an extreme action to just make it all stop.

As the weather has warmed the bulbs are coming up, budding on the berry bushes. I’m so glad I’m staying put for the season. It’s bittersweet to feel the garden emerge, nature waking for Spring and Kenn not here to witness it. This is the right place to process my grief. To sit with loss where life is familiar.

That said, I did get a puppy. I can still purge my household accumulated clutter, with the kids moved out and Kenn dead there are a lot of things I don’t need anymore. I can still think of a yurt in the woods. But that’ll keep til Autumn comes and the one year anniversary of Kenn’s death.
Hope that helps. ~Bernadine

 

Dear Bernadine, many thanks for your reply, that helps a lot! I know this large house is too big for one person, but I should wait at least a year of grieving this is a difficult decision to take. Tomorrow is only 8 weeks since Geoff left me, now I'm crying again...thanks again.
Helena

 

Lou, thanks for answering, that helps! I know my sister and husband mean well, I am grieving and I can't walk away from my sadness, I need time to make a big change at this stage in my life, sometimes I feel that is only me in this world with so many tears. I read, listen to music, try to stay busy and somehow stops for awhile, but it's so lonely day by day....take a deep breath Helena it's not only me with this sadness.
Helena

 

Yes, Helena, you & I , and other GW have
to check in with our moods at any given
time. My day started fine, in a breakfast
place with relaxing music. However, a
clueless grandfather walked in with 2
screaming toddlers. He didn't choose to
have any control over them, disturbing
patrons, like me. I was trying to use my
phone to respond to people on GIC. I
thought the wisest course of action, was
to go home, have lunch, & have my own
quiet atmosphere, so I could hear myself
think. Jonathan says in The Widower's
Notebook. that after his wife, Joy, died,
he couldn't stand how loud people could
be. I agree, & I'm glad I can write to you
now, from the quiet of my apartment. Lou

 

Lou, I agree with you, some people don't have a clue of their surroundings. Yes, the best thing to do is what you did, leave and avoid people which don't respect how we feel with their bad behavior. Geoff and I didn't like noisy places. I do prefer quiet places and after two years not going out because of covid I think I'm becoming a hermit ( just kidding).
Helena

 

Poor Linda had a very low tolerance for
noise, & it was all around us. But. we did
manage to find quiet restaurants once in a
while, & I'm going to try to remember
those good moments. There has to be a
happy medium between being a hermit,
& being out all the time. As much as I
like my friends,I have to come home, to
recharge. Lou

 

More quotes:
" we're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our live and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone" - Orson Welles.
"Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone" - Paul Tillich.
"Loneliness is my least favorite thing that I'm most worried about is just being alone without anybody to care for or someone who will care for me". Anne Hathaway.

 

I hasn't been that long for you to decide this decision. If you're not ready then don't worry about, sit tight, let time pass. I'm in the same situation after 1yr and 4 months. Still don't know if I should move or stay, in the meantime I'm tired of trying to decide -- I know I will get the message one way or the other and if not I stay. What's that expression, if you don't know what to do, do nothing. Follow your intuition.
It's too easy to make a mistake at this early time for you and if you feel you're not ready stay put until you can make a decision that you know is right for you.

 

Thanks Karen!, two months it's far too early, even a year or two we don't stop grieving, therefore taking a big decision like selling a house and the contents and the stress of moving....now I see is madness. I know my sister means well, she worries about me and my health. Today I feel stronger than yesterday and my mind it is not so cloudy. I am so glad to be here with TGW that understand and never judge me. Helena

 

Blessed Ostara, GWs
The light and dark are equal today.
A day of balance.
May it be so for us, for our community and for our world.
~B

 

Thank you, Bernadine. How's the weather
there today? The sun & milder temps
cheer my soul. Lou

 

Hi Lou,
It’s the pacific northwest so rain and sunshine often dance in the spring, each taking their turn to lead so my muddy garden shoes, and now Maggie’s leash, sit by the door and we dash out when we can.
The sunshine this morning made for a nice walk and I was able to transplant some succulents yesterday between the rain showers.
I’m happy to hear your soul is cheered by these milder temps, I know the cold can be confining for us all.
~B

 

Rita,

Like Karen, I got teary eyed when I read this. It's exactly how all of us feel. It SUCKS!!! I love how Lou explained why we feel this way!!!, TUTTAM!!!

It's impossible NOT to miss the one true love of our lives..., our "person," the only person who knew all of our darkest secrets..., loved us in spite of all of our flaws..., loved all the "quirky" things about us..., the only one who truly knew what made us "us,"... , who shared so many of the very best moments in our lives..., and some of the very worst ones too..., who knew just what to do to make us feel better in every situation..., the one who shared all those remember when's with us..., all those "inside" jokes that nobody else would understand... The one person who made our world brighter just by being with us..., taken away from us, NEVER!!! to return. It feels like our hearts have been torn in half... It's the very worst pain imaginable... Total heartbreak SUCKS!!!

The world has become such a lonely place without the one true love of our lives... We are now the sole keeper of all those "remember when's...., of all those "inside" jokes..., of our history together... It's the loneliest feeling in the world... It SUCKS!!! However, the one true love of our lives, helped turn us into the people who we are today..., there is a part of them, deep inside us..., a part of them that no one can EVER!!! take away... They will always hold the biggest place in our hearts...

We want what we can NEVER!!! have. Our one true loves CANNOT!!! come home... Sadly, because of this, because there is no way to "fix" this, no matter how many friends we have..., no matter how many friends we make..., no matter if we have a supportive, loving family..., we will ALWAYS be lonely... we will ALWAYS miss the our solemates... We will miss them right up until the exact second when God decides it's time for us to join them. Thankfully, love is eternal.

Thank you for sharing...

As always, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Helena,

Lou, Karen, and Bernadine have already given you excellent advice. I can't think of anything to add to what has already been said. When Bob first died, I couldn't stand being in our house, I ran errands that didn't need to be done, I took long walks, I did anything I could think of to stay out of the house, too many memories..., mostly horrific ones from the last 24 hours of Bob's life. I wanted to sell the house, get out ASAP!!! Anywhere seemed better than having to stay here. I wanted to move back "home," the place that will always be "home," to me, where Bob and I raised our children..., backing up a bit, the place where Bob and I were raised. A part of me couldn't go back "home," I was afraid to go back (I'm still not ready to go back), to be surrounded by so many memories... so many of the very best times in my life, shared with the one true love of my life... Bob wouldn't be with me, and yet, he would be everywhere... Too many memories and no way to stop them from invading my brain. I was too fragile to handle this all at once. Tom Zuba believes that if we had to confront the painful reality of our loved one's death all at once, it would be too much pain, we wouldn't be able to survive. I believe this.

Then there was another part of me, a part of me that wanted to move to Florida to be close to friends, thinking that I needed to do whatever I could to rebuild my life in a place Bob and I had never been together..., a place where I wouldn't feel this total heartbreak 24/7. I realized, with the help of TGW, I was in no position to make a decision that would have a major impact on the rest of my life. I now know, I had barely begun to do all the hard work that grieving forces us to do, that if I had packed up and moved either back "home," or to Florida, I wouldn't have been any happier, a change of environment can't put my broken heart back together. There is NO way to escape from grief... There are NO shortcuts... In order for us to heal, we must experience all the total heartbreak that Mr. Grief has in store for us. It SUCKS!!!

Now, over 11 months after Bob's death, I'm beginning to look at things differently. I still want to move, but I'm not in as big a rush as I was at first. There's a part of me, that is just beginning to feel like if I move out of this house, I'm losing a part of Bob. Before we moved into this house, Bob and I remodeled much of the inside. We redid the kitchen, the master bathroom, we took down the curtains and replaced them with plantation shutters, we ripped up the carpets, replaced them with wood flooring... There's more, but the point I'm trying to make, is that there is a part of both our personalities in the flooring we chose, the cabinet style we chose, even the knobs for those cabinets, the color palette we chose, etc.,etc., etc... Although Bob's health spiraled rapidly downhill as soon as we moved in, and as a result, we didn't get to do the fun stuff, decorate the "shell" (for lack of a better word) of our house, to turn it into our home, Bob's personality shines through every time I look at our kitchen counter tops (remembering how we went to the warehouse and chose the stone to make them, we had so much fun...), look at the kitchen cabinets, the knobs, etc, etc, etc.

Although I still want to move, there's a part of me, a very recent part of me, that isn't sure I want to leave the last house that Bob and I poured our hearts into... I'm so confused... This house holds the very worst memories of my entire life, and because of what happened during the last 24 hours of Bob's life, I still have to leave the doors to the guest bathroom and bedrooms closed, but at the same time, in a strange sort of way, I'm comforted knowing that this house contains a part of Bob's personality. The floodgates have opened... Going to stop before I even begin to really start to ramble.

I'm glad you're going to take your time, not make any quick decisions that you might regret later. As Karen said to you, and said to me, in what seems like ages ago, "if you don't know what to do, do nothing. Follow your intuition."

As always, sending you lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb and anyone else, if you don't know what to do with your life, let go and let God. That's all I can say.

 

Another night, another day and more quotes

"Little by little, grief slowly fades, but love always burns brightly".
"Those who where always there for us in this life will always be there for us in our memories".
"It is not lenght of life, but depth of life".
" No one spread more love in one life time" - Ralph Walden Emerson

 

There was a minor traffic accident in my front yard yesterday. I was amazed to see four of my neighbors show up to help. It gave me a good feeling about the hood along with more camaraderie. When I moved into Cheryl‘s bedroom there were two small cabinets hung on the wall. I don’t remember hanging it so Cheryl must have done that. In the beginning I thought it would be a great place to display Cheryl‘s collection of her half ladies but I was hesitant. I finally got the job done Saturday. I gives me great comfort. B, thanks for the reminder about Spring Equinox. Gary