Grief quotes of the day

Rita, I'm glad that you were able to watch the contrails for a few minutes even if it was a coincidence sounds that you are looking for a sign from your beloved partner. My Geoff and I were acknostics all our lives, but since he died I have my doubs, maybe there is something else? This grieving journey it is the most painfully that I'm taking....I have reached to WIC, I read the posts, I cry a lot, I'm so tired! Nothing is right now and with tears I write here, I know that TGW friends
they are also grieving and they will understand my sorrow, your sorrow and their sorrow.
Helena

 

Rita, that's an amazing quote from the
man who wrote about the "headless
horseman"! Thank you. Lou

 

Thank you so much Deb, I believe as you do.....bless you for always responding and being there for so many. Bob would be so proud of you. I know your words and so many others have gotten me through this first month of loss. I believe God led me here to have others to share and talk with during this horrible time. I have spent so much time over the last two or so years crying and grieving as I watched my love decline. Yet you feel you'll never stop grieving, probably true, but I pray it will lessen in the hurtful degree of pain. Sending you hugs and wishes for some happiness and peace this day and in the days to come, Rita

 

Thank you so much Helena and yes, we understand and cry with you, hugs, Rita

 

Helena, I always had a belief in God, but
in nature, not inside with a congregation.
Linda & I were the same way, & would
feel God's presence, when we sat on a
bench, gazing out to the changing tides
of the ocean. Now that Linda is not by
my side, physically, I can feel her next
to me, in spirit, when I sit on that same
bench. At first, it was too heartbreaking to
sit there, & I would keep walking. I feel
differently now. When Linda started to
decline, needing a cane, then a walker,
she taught me to slow down & enjoy the
view. Lou

 

Lou,

I'm so glad you believe in signs too... I'm so glad signs now make you smile instead of cry... I know Linda wouldn't want you to be sad every time she lets you know she is with you.

I hope you have at least one reason to LMSO today, but hopefully many more!!!, TUTTAM!!! (Sorry... the extra letters seemed to type themselves, lol...)

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Thanks Lou, I wish to be able to pray like so many people do, but the only thing comes to my mind is memories and I cry, and cry, I'm glad that you write back, at least somebody out there knows that I exist. Helena

 

To TGW Family...

I love yesterday's quote sent from the Center For Loss & Life Transitions. For all of you who can't find it, here it is: "Living a life of "no" is no life at all." Tom Zuba feels the same way. In his second book, "Becoming Radiant," he tells us that we can either live our lives in "lack," or become "radiant."

Sending everyone lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

It is easy enough to be pleasant, When life flows by like a song, But the man worth while is the one who can smile, When everything goes dead wrong. For the test of the heart is troubled, And it always comes with the years. And the smile that is worth the praises of earth Is the smile that shines through tears.

– Ella Wheeler Wilcox

 

Helena,

Please continue to be very gentle with yourself... I know you already know this, but I'm repeating it again, ALL OF YOUR TEARS ARE HEALING TEARS... YOU ARE HEALING!!!, even when you're feeling your very saddest, when Mr. Grief has you in such a tight grip, you feel as though he's going to suffocate you.

Sending lots of extra hugs and love your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Your comment about feeling God's presence in nature, brings to mind another quote I just wanted to share, hugs, Rita:
“The world has a thousand creeds, and never a one have I;
Nor a church of my own, though a million spires are pointing the way on high.
But I float on the bosom of faith, that bears me along like a river;
And the lamp of my soul is alight with love, for life, and the world, and the Giver.”
― Ella Wheeler Wilcox

 

Rita, it is true that we never stop
grieving. I was married to Linda for 25
years. When we retired, we were
inseparable 24/7, so it stands to reason
that I am truly missing " my other half".
As I told you, we called ourselves
R&R. Since we didn't have children,
we acted like kids, going to amusement
parks, including Disneyland. We also
loved casinos, for their excitement, even
if we just broke even. But, as many GW
here, it was heartbreaking to see my
wife go from a vibrant woman, in her
40s ( when we got married), to her
gradual decline, with walker, then cane.
When she was in the rehab unit of a
nursing home, she had lost some of her
hair, had a sad face, and looked like an
old woman. She died suddenly, in front of
me, at 68. This was over 3 years ago. I
had PTSD, & had to go to a grief counselor.
Forgive me if I told you this before. All I
can tell you, Rita. is that my pain is not as
intense. My weeping changed into
unexpected tears in my eyes. I used to
dream I was hugging Linda, & would
wake up cursing & crying. Those very
sad dreams are fading, replaced by
dreams about other people in my life,
past & present. Thank you for staying on
GIC. You are a welcome addition, who
brings comfort to other people like me.
Lou

 

Rita,

Laughter is so very necessary, so good for us. I knew I would eventually be okay the very first time I was able to laugh, I mean really laugh, not that forced fake kind of laugh, as Karen describes it. I can go from laughter to tears in a matter of seconds... I think people who haven't experienced the total heartbreak that we have, would probably think I've "lost" it, BIG TIME!!!, TUTTAM!!! However, I know you, all of TGW "get" it. Life is so over the top bittersweet...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Thanks that's very nice!

 

Deb, you must explain what TUTTAM stands for? I have seen it in many posts but cannot figure it out....Hugs, Rita

 

Rita, my " foggy widower's brain" messed
up. We called ourselves L&L, not
"R&R". I think you said you & Ron sometimes called yourselves that. Lou

 

Thanks a lot Deb, yes I am HEALING! I wont let MR. GRIEF to soffocate me. I will feel better, also sending you love and peace. Helena

 

Rita you made me laugh and I need it!!!

 

Rita,

Thank you for your very kind words... They made me teary eyed, but only in the very best of ways... I believe, just like you, God gave us each other, to help each other get through this total heartbreak... I pray daily to God to give me strength..., to give all of my GIC friends strength too.

I know you know I "get" what it's like watching the one true love of your life slowly die..., right before your eyes..., powerless to save him. I've told this story to TGW at least twice before, so will only briefly tell it to you now. Years ago, when Bob and I were sharing our first apartment together, pets weren't allowed. One day I bought Bob a very beautiful, bright blue beta fish. No matter how well we tried to take care of him, he slowly lost his beautiful blue color, didn't swim around in his bowl as much as he used to, and gradually stopped eating. One day, Bob said it was time to put the poor fish out of his misery. Bob gave him a "burial at sea." He flushed him down the toilet.

Watching Bob suffer for so many years..., his appearance gradually changing..., as he became more and more frail, as he was diagnosed with more and more serious health issues, reminded me of that poor, once so beautiful..., blue beta fish. By the time Bob passed away, he was barely recognizable physically, except for those beautiful bright blue/green eyes that didn't lose their zest for life, until very close to the time of his death. Bob became just a shell of the man who he was, both physically and mentally (towards the end of his life he suffered from what I believe was Parkinson's related dementia). It broke my heart... It breaks my heart all over again, every time I think about this... Those floodgate opened... I need a tissue...

Bob was, and always will be my knight in shining armor... I miss him so VERY!!! much!!!, TUTTAM!!! However, having said all of this, although I'm not as far along as Lou in this way beyond miserable healing process (for lack of a better way to phrase it), after (almost) 11 months, it'll be the 11th month anniversary of Bob's death tomorrow at 3:45 a.m., I can say that I'm able to laugh a little more, cry a little less. I'm also able to enjoy spending time with a friend who is also a widow, laughing and crying together. For the very first time in my life, I couldn't celebrate Christmas, so instead my youngest son and I took a short vacation. We visited several beautiful islands only a short distance from where I live. Surprisingly, I had fun and enjoyed spending so much quality one on one time with my son, but and this is another one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, the trip was very bittersweet... Lots of tears..., mixed in with lots of laughs... The way life will always be for all of us, from now on... However, I'll take bittersweet anytime compared with total misery.

Be very gentle with yourself. You're doing all the hard work grieving forces you to do. YOU ARE HEALING!!! Whenever those floodgates open full force, I often repeat those three words over and over and over again... One day, although the timing is different for everyone, I believe you will laugh again too, you will have some fun times... It might happen when you least expect it, and take you by surprise, the way a "real" laugh took me by surprise months ago.

You have become a very important member of our "family" in such a very short amount of time, already giving me lots to think about, as I'm sure you have for so many others. I am so very happy God had us meet one another!!!, TUTTAM!!!

I'm an emotional mess today... Better stop here before I begin rambling on and on and on, outlasting even the Energizer Bunny, lol...

Sending zillions of hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou,

I think we grow as people, we learn so many valuable lessons from having to witness our loved ones health slowly spiral downward. Bob's declining health, and finally, his death, taught me the same thing Linda taught you. Life is too short... It's important to savor all those wonderful moments..., to fully enjoy all the beauty God created... I remember one of the last times I drove Bob to that big teaching hospital that is so far from our house. We cross over bridges on our way there. The views of the ocean from those bridges are so beautiful... the water gorgeous shades of blue... sunshine dancing off of it... old fishing piers... sailboats... seagulls flying overhead... Bob looked out over the ocean.. fully enjoying the beauty God created... every opportunity he got. It made me so sad... Imagining the thoughts that must have been going through his mind... Although he NEVER!!! said it out loud, or wanted to admit it, I think he knew he was dying...

Linda and Bob, although they suffered greatly, they taught us some of the most valuable lessons in life...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB