Grief quotes of the day

Rick,

I'm glad to "see" you too, but sorry you're struggling so much!!!!, TUTTAM!!! It SUCKS!!! (I'm still stuck on SUCKS!!!) Sadly, it seems like this very twisted roller coaster ride in Mr. Grief's over the top twisted amusement park is an endless ride, no "off switch" available. However, I believe that as long as we continue to do all the over the top difficult work grieving forces us to do, we will continue to heal, even though at times, it feels like we're stuck at the very bottom of this very twisted roller coaster ride, right up until the moment you're reunited with Sheila, I'm reunited with Bob, all of our GIC "family" is reunited with the one true love of their lives. It SUCKS!!! Sadly, for the rest of our lives, life will always be so bittersweet...

As I've been saying lots lately, we are NOT!!! broken!!! We ARE!!! grieving!!! Grieving is a normal process following the death of our soulmates. We do NOT!!! need to be fixed!!!, TUTTAM!!! I agree with you. I think in our way too fast paced, "fix it" kind of world, doctors think they can hand out pills like candy, then... poof... like "magic," all will be right with the world..., we will be happy again. Total BULLSHIT!!! Having said this, I believe antidepressants can help people who are truly depressed, and maybe in some cases, grieving can be misdiagnosed as depression. But, and this is another one of those really BIG!!! BUTS!!! I don't think most doctors take the time to really understand what's behind the sadness. Getting off my soapbox before I even begin to get going.

Sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Helena, my doctor gave me an antidepressant too and I took it for three days, felt horrible, quit them.

 

I told the doctor I'll deal with my grief and depression on my own.

 

Today I cancelled the next appointment and I'm not taking the antidepressants. Glad you mentioned your answer to your doctor. Helena

 

Hi Deb, It has been a long time since I correspond with you. Hopefully Mr G stops coming to SC! Since I talked to you I had a couple of weeks as usual ups and downs, went to the doctor for the yearly check up, Now I have my doubts while Geoff was ill he didn't took care if his condition, that is something that makes me ungry when I talk, anyway in my case I should know if I'm depress, I'm GRIEVING TUTTAM! makes me wonder why some doctors don't have compassion I guess depends of each individual...now I'm looking for a new doctor, hopefully one that is more efficient and knowledgeable!?
Passing to another subject, the weather is pretty nice, not too warm, perfect to be outside enjoying the nature, listen to the birds and do some walking. Today I went for a short walk a mile and a half, everything is so green and beautiful and for awhile I forget that my best friend love of my life is gone.
I didn't sleep so well last nigh or the night before, maybe later, I do need to rest, I don't take caffeine except a daily cup of Earl Gray black tea in the morning and chamomile tea in the evening.
Hope you have a very nice rest of the afternoon, sending my love, peace and lots of virtual hugs. Helena

 

Helena,

I've missed "talking" to you too... I know this is so hard to do, but and this is another one of those really BIG!!! BUTS!!!, please try not to dwell on the fact that you aren't sure Geoff 's doctor did everything he could to take care of him. Looking back, rehashing all those "should haves," "could haves," "would haves," doesn't serve any useful purpose, it's all water under the bridge. If you let it, all those "should haves," could haves," would haves," will drain you of whatever energy you have... Energy you need in order to keep fighting Mr. Grief.

I was so over the top ANGRY!!!, TUTTAM!!!, at the "doctor" (I'm being over the top polite!!!) who treated Bob during the last night/early morning hours of his life. Now I realize that while I would still like to see this "doctor" stripped of his license to practice medicine, I need to find a way to let go of my anger. Otherwise it will destroy me. I know Geoff and Bob wouldn't want us to obsess over this. The very best way we can honor Geoff and Bob's memories is to find a way to continue moving forward, to continue to heal..., right up until the time you are reunited with Geoff, and I'm reunited with Bob.

I hope you're able to find a primary care physician who you not only like, but trust. In general, I think the medical care in our state SUCKS!!!, TUTTAM!!! I have an excellent primary care physician, but the down side is I have to travel anywhere between 1 - 2.5 hours to see her. She was Bob's primary care physician too, but we didn't find her until the fall of 2020, and by this time, Bob's health was spiraling downhill rapidly. I'm not sure exactly where you live, but if you want to send me a private message, I can give you my doctor's name, phone number and address. Backing up a bit, she is willing to treat any minor problems I have by virtual appointments and will order lab work I can have done locally. However, I did have to agree to drive to her office once a year for well visits. There is only one primary care doctor near me that has a good reputation, and has come highly recommended by people who I trust, but unfortunately she isn't accepting any new patients. I've been on her waiting list since 2019, and have given up. I better stop here, or else this could turn into an extremely long "book," as Lou and I refer to my very l o n g!!! messages.

I'm smiling big time knowing that you experienced one of those "flickers of light," as Karen so appropriately referred to them. I think this is such a BIG!!!, TUTTAM!!! step forward. I know Geoff would be so happy..., so proud of you..., at how hard you're trying to live the very best life you possibly can until the moment you're reunited with him. Fresh air, some sunshine, and exercise are still the very best way I know how to keep Mr. Grief from suffocating me. I'm glad it helps you too.

I hope that tonight you'll be able to get a decent night's rest. Like Lou, I like Sleepy Time Tea in the evenings. For many months I had to take melatonin in order to help me fall asleep. I stopped taking it awhile ago, but had to take it once within the last week (?). I lose track of time. I'm going to blame it on my way too foggy widow brain, lol... I've found that putting away my chrome book and silencing my phone after dinner helps me relax. I've been watching sitcoms on Netflix and find that sometimes I'm able to lose myself in whatever I'm watching, and experience one of those "flickers of light." It's such a good feeling..., feeling like everything is right in the world, feeling a sense of peace..., even if it only lasts a short while.

Very recently, my friend who is also a widow, who lives several blocks away from me, gave me a very easy, no thinking, "beachy" read. Even though sometimes I have to reread a page or two, I'm finding my concentration is getting a bit better, and I'm beginning to enjoy reading again. I hope to get to the point where I can read more than just mindless, "beachy" books.

I was interrupted by the phone while I was "talking" to you, and forgot the rest of what I wanted to tell you. I want to get dinner ready anyway, so stopping here.

I hope you're able to relax this evening...

Sleep well...

It was so nice hearing from you!!!

As always, sending you and (??? my foggy widow brain struck again) your adorable "fur babies," lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Thank you Helena for your kindness love and hugs. I wish I could hug you in person too. You have really been around the world. I wish I could hear you talk of the places you and Geoff went. The customs and people you met. You’re experiencing cultural shock being isolated in SC. I experienced that when I went to work in Trinidad in 1980 for a year. But you adapted in so many different ways. I know the difference is you don’t have Geoff. I feel the same way from losing Cheryl. I wasn’t afraid of any illness snow storm covid or whatever with Cheryl by my side. I do feel her in spirit sometimes though. Do you email your friends in Hawaii? I’m lucky to have 4 friends I stay in contact with. I remember WC Fields saying the ranks are thinning. Meaning a lot of his friends were dying off. My friend Derrel died unexpectedly on a trip to ER last December. Derrel understood grief and was like the guy in the canoe quote you posted that listened and didn’t try to figure it out for me. I think you are doing a good job at getting the grief out. You are fearless about talking about what is bothering you. You quickly respond to new warriors welcoming them and offering support. More hugs to you. Sleep tight. Gary

 

Honey is doing great, being a rescue dog we were told she was a Pomeranian, but she is a miniature German Spitz. That's ok, love her anyway, she licks my tears sometimes, God works in ways we don't expect. I'm still very lonely and sad but I'm learning to adapt to my grief. They do provide unconditional Love. Warming up in Texas and I'm out more, it's nicer outside with the wind and sky. May the Good Lord Bless us all. Rick

 

I understand feeling Blessed listening to 'Scars in Heaven', it's by Casting Crowns, I think I said Counting Crowns. It's just made a difference in how I feel listening to it, I feel Blessed that I found it also. I sing it every night looking at Sheila's picture and blinking thru tears, but it's such an uplifting song, I had to share it. Learning to adapt to grief I guess and hanging in there, but seems like the weariness is slowly winning. Praying for Peace & Comfort for us all. Rick

 

Thank you Deb. I told my psychologist at my last session, that I thought I was adapting to grief not getting over it or whatever, she told me she was going to use that in future sessions with patients. It's the closest I can come up with my feelings. That's why I love the song 'Scars in Heaven', it seems to say it all for me. Roller coaster ride pretty much sums up my life right now. I do find myself thinking of the older better times before Sheila got sick, thinking of older times, thinking of future times when I will be with Sheila. Seems the present times do SUCK!! Someday I will be where I want to be now. Peace to us all. Rick

 

Quote of the day,

 

Good Afternoon Gary, Finally I did managed to have a better night sleep and feel relaxed after a long walk and some gardening (sneezing a lot.. this pollen is everywhere) Who knows Gary maybe some day we the warriors meet somewhere, I feel that we all are connected and we can share our life experiences face to face. It's a good feeling knowing that Cheryl and Geoff are close to us and would like to see us, enjoying our lives because they will always be with us.
I used to talk to my friends in HI but slowly they disappeared, conversations became short. One of the reasons we moved to SC was because of the high cost of living and Geoff illness we decided to close the business, look for a place in the mainland that was more affordable to live. We used to be a couple always Geoff and Helena, we were the couple, now is just Helena. It's nice that you have your friends, but sorry about your friend Derrel who understood grief died las December, the only thing we can do is to have them in our hearts and take care of ourselves, keep healing, share our feelings, correspond with TGW which for me is the only place that I never though becoming a widow I will express my feelings here. we all are grieving and here everybody shows compassion, listen and respond with comforting words. Helena

 

Hello Helena. Are there any books of reference to the ashram and mind control learning that you went through? Sounds very interesting. I did read Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach which was very helpful. I’m starting out some mornings with some weed pulling Now the flowers are growing. Like for you it sets a relaxing tone for the day. I’ve over dosed myself on grief the past week and I’m not very active on GIC now. Cheryl’s one year death anniversary combined with both of our birthdays wore me out. Plus I’ve completed 4 out 12 hours of volunteer training work this week. Comforting a hospice patient seems like a good way to comfort someone with grief too. You establish good communication, make them as comfortable and pain free as possible, and eliminate as much stress as possible. One goal is to try to let them live the best possible life they can right up to the end. That would be nice if grieving people were put into an environment like that. Volunteering might make me feel useful again. Last week I planted 14 forsythia hedges. That was a project Cheryl and I were going to do. Another thing nice about plants is that they need us for survival. I guess it reciprocates because my mood is enhanced. I’m going back to Michigan tomorrow for a couple days. After I get my grief dosage regulated I’ll be back more consistently. The photo is one part of Cheryl’s flower garden. I found the doe skull on Cheryl’s one year anniversary. As grief warriors we never quit. We do our best to heal the wounds and keep moving. My spiritual Godmother promises no one is ever left to grieve alone.Thank goodness for the grief warriors. Gary

 

I really was hoping the antidepressants would work, but with me nothing works, I'm very sensitive to drugs always have been.

 

Gary, it takes a very "special" person to work for hospice. I admire you for your compassion, caring and commitment to our dear people at hospice. Karen
Have a save trip, see you when you get back.

 

Good job Bro! You are impressive!