Grief quotes of the day

QUOTE="Gary166, post: 27721, member: 26616"]I didn’t leave my in person grief support meeting last night with my usual warm and fuzzy feeling. Our facilitator is the greatest but we debated what the results of a long term healthy grief journey would be like. When I said it would be a mixture of happy and sad she told me I was selling myself short. I told her I
Intimately know several people that have completed over 3 years of their grief journey and that is a standard consensus. I quoted the 6th need of reconciliation for the mourner. We come to terms with grief. We come into agreement with it. We coexist with it. And I said this is as good as it gets. Utopia is no longer the destination. I could feel myself getting irritated and she said she didn’t want to discuss it any further. A new person who lost their spouse said they think more about how they are going to die rather than how to keep living. I told them I have the same feelings and another person confirmed the same. The facilitator discouraged that kind of talk. I told her we needed to start reading parts of the 6 needs of the mourner before the meeting and the daily grief reflection to help the new people gain more resources. There were good things that happened. A man I have became friends with told me he started working out at the YMCA. Another person who said they couldn’t express their grief left the room crying and returned later with a smile on their face. The Yin and Yang of grief. Truly a mixture of happy and sad. Thankfully I have a place to vent. Lou thanks for the tip about Zuba’s utube videos. I didn’t know that. Gary[/QUOTE]

Deb, I think it's a good idea to get a fur companion. When we came to SC we adopted small 8 yr old chiweene here is my drawing and his photo, this little companion has help me with his unconditional love and he needs me...

 

My drawing Yogy my companion

 

Deb, I think it's a good idea to get a fur companion. When we came to SC we adopted small 8 yr old chiweene here is my drawing and his photo, this little companion has help me with his unconditional love and he needs me... View attachment 1434 [/QUOTE]
I like the Yin Yang doggie!!! Gary

 

I like the Yin Yang doggie!!! Gary[/QUOTE]
Gary, I don't know how it goes but my picture appears on your post, never mind something went wrong as
I changed to another tablet, so sorry! now you have my companion attached to Gary's post. Helena

 

I like the Yin Yang doggie!!! Gary[/QUOTE]

LMSO!!!

 

LMSO!!![/QUOTE]
I can't stop laughing lol, lol

 

Deb, She lost her dad when she was 20. I estimate that was 30 years ago. She gets real protective of new people and tries to minimize their trauma during the meeting. She is a very good and caring person and works with hospice too. I asked her a long time ago how can she can handle being around all the deaths and grieving people? I don’t remember her exact words but it didn’t seem to bother her. I may have to work with her because I start training to be a hospice visitor next week. I think it’s 4-6 weeks long. I’m glad you are getting out and walking a lot. I can’t make the fur baby commitment myself yet but I’m thinking about it. The forsythias arrived today and I had to wait till they were off loaded. I watched the Speaking Grief documentary then. Even though it was 56 minutes long it only seemed like 15 minutes. It made me feel ok with my grief instead of feeling Iike an alien lepper. I can’t wait to tell the support group about it. It’s priceless. Talk about the foggy brain. TUTTAM! I recycled 2- 30 gallon cans of bottles and cans and a big box of flattened cardboard and forgot to put the tailgate up in my truck. And they were right on the edge. I didn’t realize it until I backed up to the container and my camera was showing the gravel road. I went 15 miles and didn’t lose anything. What luck. I can’t imagine trying to clean all that off the road. Gary

 

I can't stop laughing lol, lol[/QUOTE]
you know what they say Helena…a LMSO shared is a LMSO doubled. Thanks! Gary

 

Perhaps this is interesting for TGW...

 

For over a week I have not cry I start thinking my healing is fast.... TUTTAM, TUTTAM, today Saturday I'm back sobbing, not body to talk...I do everything possible not to affect me too deep, I walk, read and different activities, BUT when this is going to end...? I'm so tired!! this grieving and ALONE, my emotions are so strong and the only thing for me to reach is here, somebody maybe is listening. Helena

 

Helena,

Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I think I (used to border on being a hyper-empath) and can relate to so much in this article. After Bob died, I felt like I was sinking in quicksand... I was totally heartbroken, plus every time I read or heard about someone else suffering through this over the top worst kind of pain, it made me feel like I was sinking even deeper..., even faster, in quicksand, so deep, so fast, that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to find my way out of it. This is one of the reasons I've had to stop visiting GIC on a daily basis. Every time someone in our GIC "family told his/her over the top heartbreaking story, I had to reach for a tissue. I wanted so much to be able to help, but all I had, still have, are words to let them know I "get" it, and will be here for them always. I've since had to change my thinking from always, to as much as I possibly can, without me regressing to that quicksand again, sinking deeper and deeper and deeper..., until there's no coming back.

I was also a people pleaser, which thanks to Gary!!!, who got me to do lots of thinking, helped me change in positive ways. As a child, I was always the "good" girl, always bringing home excellent grades, doing whatever I could to make my parents happy. Backing up a bit, while I know my parents loved me, they did the best they could, they weren't capable of unconditional love. While I didn't know what unconditional love was back then, I was terrified of not being their little "puppet," terrified of losing their love... I became a people pleaser. As soon as I turned 18, I moved out of my parents house, the very best thing I could have ever done for myself. I slowly began to realize how toxic conditional love is, but people pleasing was deeply ingrained in me. I still put others needs before my own, but am slowly finding a balance.

The combination of being an (almost) hyper empath and a people pleaser is a lethal combination. It wasn't until I found GIC, that I truly realized how toxic this combination is to my emotional, and also physical, well being. I began to realize that by putting my needs first, remembering that I was grieving, still am grieving, will always be grieving..., right up until the time I'm reunited with Bob, I'm able to be a better friend. I have more energy, and I'm able to think more clearly, when trying to help my friends. I still sometimes feel selfish/guilty putting myself first, but, and this is another one of those really BIG!!! BUTS!!!, I know this is necessary if I'm going to be able to continue healing..., to walk for longer periods of time without stumbling over the zillions of obstacles in my way, as I continue to travel down this miserable path (for lack of a better word), that not one of us would have chosen to take.

Backing up a bit, I know feeling selfish/guilty is detrimental to my well being as guilt is one of those useless emotions. However, feelings are feelings. They aren't right or wrong. I'm glad I'm able to recognize these detrimental feelings when they arise, and try to stop them from leading me back to that quicksand. I finally realize I need to treat myself with just as much TLC as I give to my friends. As a result, I'm finally beginning to slowly rediscover who I am, now that Bob is no longer with me physically, regain my creativity, find beauty and joy in the simple pleasures of life, and happiness... It's such an over the top wonderful feeling!!!, TUTTAM!!! However, having just said all of this, I know for the rest of my life, happiness will always be intertwined with sadness. The opposite of intense love is intense grief. I know it's all part of life, but, and this is another one of those really BIG!!! BUTS!!!, it SUCKS!!!

Thank you for helping me verbalize how I'm feeling. I still have trouble doing this, but this morning, after reading the excellent article you posted, I found my written "voice."

I hope you have at least one reason to LMSO today, but hopefully many more...

As always, sending you lots of love and hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Good morning, Helena
I hope it helps just a little to know that most of us have felt the fatigue, just feeling done with everything. Like other aspects of grief it comes and goes. It’s hard when it sneaks back up on me, especially when it follows a time I feel like I’ve been doing better. I’m so glad you had a bit of relief this week and so sorry the tears have returned. There are friends here but that doesn’t always take away that feeling of being So alone. Ugh. Don’t be discouraged. Grief is hard work.
What did you see on your walk? Are any flowers blooming in your area yet?
The early bulbs have finished here, daffodils are fading, I’m hoping for some tulips soon.
Be gentle with yourself.
~Bernadine

 

Helena,

This is only the third message I've read today, and as usual, I never read them in the order in which they're written, so I'm sure I haven't read many of your recent messages. I'm so very sorry!!!, TUTTAM!!!, that you are struggling so very much this morning... Since I can't give you a "real" hug, sending you the BIGGEST!!!, TUTTAM!!! virtual hug ever...

I know you already know this, but it SUCKS!!! BIG!!! TIME!!!, that NOT!!! one of us knows when Mr. Grief is going to attack full force, knocking us down, keeping us down on that mat... At the time it's happening, it feels like an eternity, like there will be NO!!! end in sight. I know you know this too, but when you are at your very saddest, drained of all emotional and physical strength from grieving, you ARE!!! HEALING!!!, TUTTAM!!! You are doing all the hard work that grieving is forcing you to do!!!. TUTTAM!!! Whenever I feel totally wrung out, both emotionally and physically from grieving, I repeat this sentence over and over and over again, in my mind. I've even yelled on the top of my lungs, once, when I was home alone. For some reason, just screaming it seemed to help, but just a tiny bit.

Be very gentle with yourself today. Cry when you need to, be here for yourself the way you would be here for a friend. Try as hard as you can to give yourself lots of TLC... Get through the day any way you can. If you feel like screaming, scream!!! If you feel like taking a nap, take a nap!!! If you find the strength to get outside, get some fresh air and (It's partly sunny here as opposed to partly cloudy, a much more positive way of viewing the world, compliments of Lou), (hopefully!!!) feel the sun on your face, go for it... If drawing helps..., go for it!!! And, if all you can do is sleep away the day, it's okay!!! Give yourself permission to fully grieve. The only thing I know for certain is that everything is subject to change. Hopefully, tomorrow, when Mr. Grief attacks, you'll be better able to fight, and it'll be you knocking Mr. Grief down, keeping him on that mat.

I know none of what I've said helps at all, but I "get" it!!! YOU ARE NOT!!! ALONE!!! You have all of us, your GIC "family," with you, every step of this miserable journey (for lack of a better word), that NOT!!!, TUTTAM!!! one of us would have chosen to take.

Sending zillions of hugs and love your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Thanks B, this help me right now to recognise that still beauty out there!

 

Thanks a lot Deb, I need it that someone listen...

 

Gary,

I'm glad that she is a good, kind, caring person... It's sad hearing that she lost her dad at such a young age, when she was probably still discovering who she is, what her place in the world is... I can understand her wanting to minimize the trauma for people new to this total heartbreak, but at the same time, I don't think we should be giving people false hope. Then again, maybe true happiness is possible for some of us, even though I don't see it this way, and although I know I should never say never, I highly doubt I'll ever see it this way. Food for thought.

I'm so happy for you, I remember when you first mentioned you wanted to become a hospice volunteer. It seems like it was ages ago!!!, TUTTAM, even though in the scheme of life, it was so very recent. I'm smiling BIG!!! TIME!!!!, TUTTAM!!! (Guess it's not going anywhere for long time, lol!!!) knowing you're going to be one of the absolute best!!!, TUTTAM!!!, hospice volunteers... You are one of the most insightful and kind individuals I know...

Thanks for the morning smiles..., something I WILL!!! NEVER!!! take for granted again.

As always, sending you hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Helena, I need a nudge or kick in the butt to move forward. But, we warriors will move forward.