Rita,
I've been MIA, for what seems like an eternity. This is the very first message I've read today. While I was reading your over the top!!!, TUTTAM!!!, very sad response, I had to reach for a tissue... All of this SUCKS!!! I can (almost) feel all of your pain... I wish so much you and I didn't have so much in common, but, and this is one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, we "get" what each of us is suffering through, in a way that no one who hasn't lived through this very worst, real life nightmare, can possibly even begin to understand. I feel comforted, but so over the top sad, knowing you're in the same boat, having had to watch Ron, just like I had to watch Bob, slip away before our eyes..., so helpless..., so out of control, to stop their pain...
I was fortunate because Bob didn't exhibit many signs of Parkinson's related dementia (?), until the very end of his life. I cried whenever he couldn't see me, alone in the shower, in bed late at night, knowing as hard as it was for me to watch his personality slowly fade away, I knew it was a zillion times worse for him. He knew this was happening to him and was able to express what was going on in words, until the end was near. Even though he tried to hide it from me, I knew losing his memory was the most terrifying part of all, much worse for him than any of the physical pain he endured. I can't even imagine what it was like for you and Ron... Ron having had dementia for a longer period of time. I just want to give you the biggest hug ever... I need another tissue...
Just like you're glad God took Ron before you, I'm glad God took Bob before me. I am grateful every single day that Bob didn't have to be the one to go through this total heartbreak... I try to think how fortunate we are to have been able to experience true love..., the kind of love, where you would do anything at all, for your husband, your wife, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, your partner, etc., etc. etc., I think about the people who haven't found their soulmate... the hole in their hearts, not having been filled... In a way, love and intense grief, are the same. Grief, the kind of total heartbreak we are experiencing, is the very strongest kind of love. You can't grieve without having loved. I was going to erase the last three sentences, not sure if they're expressing what I'm trying to say, but decided to leave them. Hope you "get" this.
On a more positive note, I agree with you. We ARE better people because of everything we've gone through, from experiencing true love, only to have all of our dreams shattered, to having to begin rebuilding our lives from the foundation up. We have become kinder, more caring, more loving people, because of this. I'm comforted by knowing that something good has come out of all of our pain, even though it still SUCKS!!!, and always will SUCK!!!
I will gladly kick Mr. Grief, as hard as I possibly can, in the ass for you, for everyone in our GIC family!!!, TUTTAM!!! Consider it done!!!
Sending you zillions of hugs and lots of love, wishing you peace, all of us peace, DEB
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