Grief quotes of the day

Bernadine, I appreciate the fact that you
missed me. I was depressed, bc the winter
cold wouldn't loosen its grip here. My way
of dealing with my depression & grief,
was to bury myself "' neath those covers" ,
like Sinatra sang, in Cycles. I had "foggy
widower's brain", to quote Deb, & forgot
to check in with GIC. Good to be connected
with my friends, like you, again. Lou

 

Lou, you may repeat yourself as many times as you wish, there is comfort and sincerity in every word you say (or repeat} always. I would rather hear your words repeated than never hear them at all. I feel that from every person here. We may have moments of "foggy brain" syndrome from what we have been and are still going through, but we definitely all understand. We are each better because of the words spoken by us all to each other.......never stop repeating (I am smiling). Thanks to you, Gary, Deb, Helena, Beatrice, Karen, Robin, and others, we get through each day a bit less lonely and feeling genuinely cared about...that's a VERY BIG DEAL when you're in our shoes. Hugs and comfort to you, Rita

 

Thank you, Rita.I laughed when you said I
could repeat myself as many times as I
wish. Tom Zuba said it was important to
repeat our stories. I try to do that only
here, among friends who understand---
like you. I welcomed a new member today.
Kelly's young husband, Tim, died recently
& she needs our help. Bernadine & Gary
welcomed her as well. Hope you get to
"meet "her soon. Lou

 

Oh, I really like that one.

 

Beautiful, Rita, & very moving. Thank
you, as always. Lou

 

I had a couple of really bad days, but today I feel a little better after finally Mr Grief stopped tormenting me.

I would like to thank my friends TGW for all the conforting words and genuine empathy that help me tremendously in my darkest moments. Reading your threads showed me that you care for all the grieving souls in this site and you only know us from our correspondence in WIC....this give me peace and realisation that I'm not alone!!!

When Geoff and I moved to SC, we never made any friends, he was my friend (my only friend), we kept to our own and then, two years of isolation bc of covid, plus I was Geoff's 24/7 caregiver, and then after 50 years and 1 month of marriage Geoff left me with a broken heart. All of these contributed to my despair and loneliness. I'm tying to be strong and also listen to the kind words of TGW, I'm also paying attention to Gary's words, - Self compassion - from the book he is reading to recognise our lives and then see the rest of humanity, so many people are worse than us. It's so true! our grieving is part of our lives, grieving is an extension of our love for our loved ones that will continue for the rest of our lives...
Helena

 

Oh Deb, It's as if you were in my mind when describing your entrance into the outpatient facility...I continue to have horrible memories of the hospital and just the thought of ever having to go back brings me such stress and grief. I do a lot of "morphing", sometimes the only thing I can do is just sit and stare afraid to move and really not wanting to in the hopes that it's all just a nightmare and if I just sit still long enough this emptiness will fade away. Sometimes I get lost in my favorite mystery shows and for a short time I actually forget......but NOT for long, then MR GRIEF IN ALL HIS MENACING FORMS hits me again and it hurts so bad!! There are times I wish I could just fade into oblivion!

I am so sorry that people have to endure so much grief and sadness in this world. I really try hard to focus on the beauty and joy, but as you say, at this point there is very little I feel joyful about. I am grateful for those on GIC that are further down the road in their grieving, because it gives me some hope that I won't feel this devastated forever. I am so sorry when all of us have really BAD moments/days/weeks etc. My daughter sent me a quote recently "What is grief if not love persevering" ,,,, As if any of us here don't understand that already! BUT when I was younger it seemed somehow easier to persevere!!

IT REALLY DOES SUCK!!!! BUT WHEN I am in one of my RARE, "LESS SAD" MORPHS/MOODS/STATES, I can talk myself into trying to be "more positive", focus on "getting better", being "kinder to myself", telling myself "others have it worse", telling myself "tomorrow will be much better".......BUT unfortunately, LESS SAD is VERY rarely me at this point in time. I read your messages so often and realize how much you love Bob, how much so many of us love those we can no longer be with, and I am SO truly sorry. I think about how our loved ones would not want us to cry and grieve so much, BUT it seems to be much more out of our control than I ever imagined.

Truly hope you have better moments/days very soon. SO VERY GRATEFUL every day for GIC and "all my friends" here, (your reference to Lou and calling us TGWs) really does say it all....we are "fighting" together to conquer our overwhelming grief/loss, be it a child, brother, sister, mother. father. husband, love, friend etc. So many have lost so much.

I have to STOP before I take on the loss of the whole world and then some.....at times like this,,,,,"GRIEF'S HOLE SEEMS EVEN BIGGER" -----
Will do my best to try to inhale positive energy.....
Deb, WISHING YOU, AND ALL OF US, COMFORT, PEACE, HEALING AND SENDING HUGS - thank you for listening and just being there, Rita

 

Rita, your husband's last days at the
hospital,as well as Deb's, are different
from Linda's. She died on route from a
rehab wing of a nursing home. There is
no reason for me to be in that place
again. I would most likely break down,
& the staff would have to carry me out.I'm
fortunate that she didn't die in our local
hospital, bc I've had to go there in the
middle of night for my own medical
issues. When Linda died, I didn't care if
I lived or died.Now, I look both ways
before crossing the street,and I prayed to
God in the hospital that I may live to see
another summer, my favorite season. Lou

 

Rita, I want to be on the other side of the stars, thank you for sending this.

 

Helena, just want to send you many and much needed hugs,,,, so very sorry that you are having to experience such grief and loneliness. Please read my message above to DEB, everything I said there applies to you and all of us here. It is difficult beyond words but as you say, grieving is a part of our lives and an extension of the love we were blessed to have had for so long...some never have that kind of love. When you love someone that long and that deeply, how can we expect anything but a long and deep grieving when we no longer have that love with us. I live with the hope every day that God has a plan and we will see our loved ones again when our time and purpose here comes to an end.

It is sometimes even difficult to put into words the deep pain we are feeling, but just know that we are feeling it with you. And even with family or friends, you still feel the unexplainable loneliness and emptiness. I wish you healing and comfort and prayers to help you through every moment....as I wish them for myself and everyone on GIC. There is so much loss here in the shared words of so many hoping for the ability to hang on until a light begins to shine again.

Please take care of yourself and don't give up, we are all here to lift each other out of grief's hole when we fall too deeply. We have to keep the faith, Rita

 

PERHAPS THIS IS WHY WE FOUND EACH OTHER ON GIC, TO REACH OUT AND HELP OTHER HURTING SOULS AS WE TRY TO HELP OURSELVES. HUGS AND COMFORT TO YOU ALL, RITA

 

Rita, thanks so much for your kind words and virtual hugs! It means a lot to me as we all relate in our long grieving journey.
I have my older sisters that we communicate via email, phone etc (not too often) they have their own lives....I understand that!!!, they mean well BUT they are miles away and they have their own families and friends. They worry about my physical and mental health, their idea is that I should sell the house NOW with all the contents and move close to them, that is easy to say....I'm grieving, it's to soon, not even three months since Geoff left me ALONE. As time passes I'm afraid to break down. At the moment I try to keep strong, I read most of the messages that applies to us here, It's not only me, there are so many widows and widowers going the same sad road, but each grieving is unique, has no time limit, neither does love.
I'm sure I will find peace, just now I'm finding difficult to concentrate, I don't sleep well and when I wake up my reality I'm ALONE!!
Thanks again Rita for being here with me and the other Grieving Warriors. Also sending you my love and many many virtual hugs.
Helena

 

Rita,

I wish we lived closer... Sending you the BIGGEST!!!, TUTTAM!!! hug ever... I'm so very sorry you are struggling... It SUCKS!!! However, you have such a wonderful attitude. Like you, I try to focus on all the good things in the world, and do my very best to remain positive. At the almost one year anniversary of Bob's death, I can say that life has gotten a bit better. I've changed in many positive ways, but and this is one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, I miss Bob more and more each day.

The loneliness hasn't gone away, and is only getting worse. I miss everything about Bob, even those little things that I used to find super annoying, like him dropping his dirty clothes in front of the hamper, instead of putting them in the hamper, leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor, instead of hanging them up, etc..., etc..., etc..., (However, at least I was luckier than some of my friends, Bob left the toilet seat down, lol...) Before I began to get off subject, what I wanted to say is being forced to do all the hard work grieving forces us to do, is helping me, even though all this grieving SUCKS!!! I think I am a much more resilent, a kinder, more caring person, a better friend, and have much more confidence in my ability to navigate the world by myself. I think Bob would be proud of me for the things I've accomplished.

I'm slowly figuring out what makes me, "me," what my purpose in life is, now that I'm no longer part of a couple. My creative energy is beginning to return. These are all very positive steps in healing, but and this is another one of those really BiG BUTS!!!, at almost the one year anniversary of Bob's death, I don't think I'm ever going to miss him any less than I do right at this moment. I feel as though I'm going to keep on missing him more and more and more, the more years that go by. I need a tissue... It SUCKS!!!

So, in a nutshell, life has gotten better, I'm beginning to enjoy life again, but at the same time, Mr. Grief strikes often and hard, without any warning. Everything can still be a trigger for tears. I still can't leave the doors open to the guest bedroom and bathroom. The memories in those rooms are some of the most painful memories I've experienced. I cry every time I hear the sounds of emergency vehicles. My friend who lives near me has been a widow for a little over two years. She said she used to cry just like I do, every time she heard the sounds of sirens. Now she prays for strength for those who need the emergency vehicles and for their families too. I started doing this too. My heart breaks all over again whenever I think of the excruciating pain they're suffering. It SUCKS!!!

Backing up a bit, every time I read a sad story on GIC, my eyes get watery, especially when a new member finds us. My heart goes out to each and every one of them. This is one of the reasons I'm not around as much as I used to be. I find I need time away from all this total heartbreak, time to escape from it, if only for a short while. Like you, I can forget about things for short periods of time while watching a favorite show or a good movie on Netflix. What I've learned after almost a year, is that it is important to take all the time you need to fully grieve, but at the same time, take breaks away from it. (I am very grateful to Gary for pointing this out to me, in what seems like ages ago.) I still find that long walks, some fresh air and sunshine are one of my very best ways to fight Mr. Grief. Walking for those of us who are physically able to walk, is so good for us both physically and emotionally.

Backing up for the last time, I agree with you. We are NOT!!! in control of our grieving even though our loved ones wouldn't want us to be so sad..., so miserable... It SUCKS!!! When I'm feeling like I'm stuck at that seemingly endless twisted roller coaster ride of emotions, I think about what a very close and wise friend said to me... We must put our trust in God. He has a plan for each and every one of us. The only thing I know for certain is that everything is always subject to change. I cling onto these beliefs. I know that every day is an opportunity for a fresh start, a new beginning... WE CAN & WILL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER!!!, TUTTAM!!! WE ARE TGW!!!

When you told me you realize how much I love Bob through my messages, it made me teary eyed, but mostly only in the best of ways... Thank you so much for saying this. As Lou told all of us many months ago, and as Tom Zuba says in "Permission To Mourn," or I think he says it in his first book, it is so important for us to keep the memories of our loved ones alive. Our loved ones live in our hearts forever... Love is eternal...

So much more I want to say to you, but yours is the very first message I've read in awhile. I have a habit of not reading messages in any particular order, which makes it harder to catch up. I want to try to catch up, wait... I don't think I'll be able to catch up this morning, but I at least want to get started.

I'm so glad you decided to stay with us!!!, TUTTAM!!!, and that you find GIC to be a source of comfort and support, just as I do, all of us do. I don't think I would be as far along in my healing process as I am, if it wasn't for you, for all TGW, all my GIC friends... As Gary says, I love all of you!!!, TUTTAM!!!

With zillions more hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Rita,

I don't believe in coincidences. I believe we were meant to find each other, to provide support and comfort as we do our best to heal from the worst kind of pain imaginable, total heartbreak.

Sending you hugs, love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Helena,

It WILL get better in time... As I said to Rita, after reaching the almost one year anniversary of Bob's death, I'm finding that life is getting a bit better. I've grown and changed as a person so much since Bob's death. I know the timeline for healing is different for each one of us, so this is only my experience, but, and this is another one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, I believe, in time, life will get better for you too. You are doing all the hard work grieving forces us to do. You are a true GW!!!, TUTTAM!!!

I think people mean well when they tell us to stay strong, but the way they mean it, in reality, isn't helpful advice. Staying strong isn't doing everything possible NOT to grieve. Hiding grief, attempting to pretend you're okay, isn't the WTG!!!, TUTTAM!!! There is no escaping grief. Grief will find you, catch up with you, lots of times when you least expect it. Lou and I "talked" about this, in what seems like ages ago, grief is sort of like a very twisted version of that old TV show, "Smile, You're On Candid Camera."

Grieving IS!!! a sign of strength. As Tom Zuba says in "Permission To Mourn," (maybe in "Becoming Radiant," too), "grief cracks us wide open. it's meant to, " or something similar to this. It is only through actively grieving that we can begin to heal.

Healing is a life long process. We will continue healing right up until the moment we are reunited with the one true love of our lives. However, it is possible to find contentment, some kind of happiness again, if we are willing to do all the hard work grieving forces us to do. WE CAN AND WILL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER!!! WE ARE TGW!!!

Having just said all of this, unfortunately, even though I'm beginning to do a little better, I miss Bob more and more each day. I don't like being this honest, but don't want to sugar coat my feelings, especially not with my GIC friends. The way I feel now, I don't think this loneliness will ever go away. I hope others will have something more positive to say.

As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Karen,

It feels like I haven't "talked" to you in ages... As I've been saying so much lately, no advice, no words of wisdom, just lots and lots and lots of hugs & love being sent your way... I pray for strength daily for you, for all of our GIC friends.

Sending even more hugs and love to you and Rambo, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Rita,

I LOVE!!! this!!!, TUTTAM!!!

Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Rita,

I'm in a very emotional mood, might "talk" about it some other time. The sun is shining, it's a beautiful day. I need to (try to) put Mr. Grief on "hold," and get some much needed fresh air and sunshine. I just want you to know that this message is so beautiful... It made me teary eyed...

This is truly an amazing site because of all the way beyond kind, caring, and loving people who are a part of it.

As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, to quote you, Mr. Grief SUCKS BIG
TIME!!!, bc he sucker punches us "when
we least expect it", like a perverse
Candid Camera. I know it's rude, but I
want to share with all TGW, that Mr.
Grief can kiss my ass! Lou