Grief & Laughter. Have you laughed today, yesterday or in the past?

Karen,

It SUCKS!!!, TUTTAM!!!, but and this is another one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, we don't have a choice, we were thrown into this life that not one of us would have ever have chosen. As Tom Zuba says in his second book, we can either live in "lack" or we can become "radiant." Jack and Bob wouldn't want us to spend the rest of our lives living in a "beige" world... (Thanks again, Lou, I can't seem to stop using Linda's word, "beige," love it!!!) Sadly, although life will always be so bittersweet for us, right up until the second we're reunited with Jack and Bob, we need to find ways to do our best to enjoy our lives, to let our personalities shine through... to NOT!!! let ourselves drown in sadness... It is what Jack and Bob would want for us.

On the same subject, last night I finished a very short series, only three seasons, each episode short, on Netflix. While it isn't for everyone, it is by far, the most accurate portrayal of a widower I've seen on TV. It is a dark comedy... and had me reaching for those tissues often!!!, TUTTAM!!!, but also got me to laugh between the tears. I don't think anyone who has experienced the total heartbreak that all of us have experienced, would be able to watch it, if there weren't a few bits of humor mixed into every episode. Lots more I want to say about this, so might start a new thread. The name of the series is "The Afterlife." It really needs to come with a WARNING!!! NOT!!! for everyone, and just as Lou advised us when he recommended "The Widower's Notebook," watching it too close to bedtime is NOT!!! a good idea. Backing way up, there was only one episode in the series that I think was poorly written, I don't remember the name of it, but if you decide to watch, and hit one bad episode, keep on watching.

Stopping here... I have to get the garbage can and recycling bin outside for trash pick up tomorrow morning.

As always, sending you and Rambo lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Helena,

This response made me teary eyed... So very bittersweet... I LOVE!!! how you worded it!!!, TUTTAM!!! (tossed in just for you, lol...) I never thought of all those tears in this way before, but, and this is another one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, what you said is so true... The next time Mr. Grief hits me full force, I'm going to remember what you said - All of my tears represent a special time I shared with Bob, my knight in shining armor, for eternity... Such a beautiful way to "see" things...

Thank you so much for sharing...

Sending you and Samy and Yogy lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

P.S. With this foggy widow brain, it might take me a while to remember that Samy is your very precious fur baby/cat, and Yogy is your equally as precious, fur baby/dog.

 

Ceee,

I "get" it... 35 years of my life were spent with Bob, the one true love of my life... It is very difficult trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered world, and create a new life without Bob's physical presence. It SUCKS!!!, TUTTAM!!!

I don't believe there is EVER!!! a way to conquer the loneliness that has been created by your husband's death, Bob's death. It's impossible to fill that empty place in our lives... The person who we need is NEVER going to come home... It SUCKS!!!

Your husband, Bob, and all of our one true loves of our lives, will always hold the biggest, most precious place, in our hearts, but and this is another one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, I wouldn't give up one second of the wonderful life I shared with Bob, even if I knew the outcome in advance...., and understood the total heartbreak that would become a part of my life, every... single... day..., until the moment when Bob and I are reunited again.

Sending lots of hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

TUTTAM?? What does this mean?

 

Deb, my daughter told me about the series. I brought it up and just couldn't watch something so close to my heart. But, maybe I can give it another try.

 

Hi Helena, getting caught up here. I have a 16 year old cat named Rambo. He was Jack's special cat, they were bonded I think maybe because of Jack's salt and pepper beard. Rambo is gray and white. When Jack was home with hospice I put Rambo on his hospital bed. Rambo walked up to Jack and sniffed his cheek and ran away. He knew.
I love that name Yogy. When we had chickens I named one Yogy.
Jack and I were married 39 years and knew each other for 3 years before. He's been my life and after 1 year and 4 months it's not much easier without him, sorry to say. I know you can't believe Geoff is gone and wait for him to come home. When his death was so new to me I would tell him, "You've been gone long enough, it's time to come home". Helena, my heart goes out to you and am so sorry Geoff is gone -- my prayers will be with you now. Always blessings, Karen

 

Meant to phrase it better. When Jack's death was so new to me.

 

Deb will explain the meaning of TUTTAM. I very strongly suggest that TUTTAM should be
introduced to the English language...(just a though)...

 

I think it means total understatement to the absolute max.

 

I think it means total understatement to the absolute max.

 

One more quote:
"Love, where it ever existed, doesn't cease to exist. To speak of love in the past tense is no to know love at all. Love goes on, being always a continuation demand an extension of love, your grief is but the continuation of love you once experienced and always experience. Grief is another name of Love" - T. Williamson.

 

Gary, I like TUTTAM, it makes me smile or I can say TUTTAM, TUTTAM when I'm angry and no body knows!! or ...k?, for me sound like an emotional word.

 

\
Helow Karen, thank you for your correspondence and I also I am very sorry for the loss of you beloved Jack, we will never stop loving them even if physically they are not here, but they will always be in are thoughts.
The last five days have being very hard for me, no concentration for anything, crying and crying, today it is a little better but the wheather at the moment doesn't help, maybe tomorrow....?
It is nice to hear that you have Rambo as a companion, dogs and cats give us their unconditional love and make us happy. I'm glad that we have these creatures that love us without judgement.
Thanks again, take care I'm sending you lots of cyber hugs and peace.
Helena

 

Rita,

I've been MIA or I would have gotten back to you sooner. Total Understatement To The Absolute Max... I used to say this to "spice up" Total Understatement (TU) a little bit. Although both TU, and TUTTAM, have grown way past stale, I can't seem to stop adding them to my messages. Backing way up, I've been using TU for many years..., dating all the way back to when I was in high school. As my kids used to say when they were small, that was when the dinosaurs roamed the earth, lol...

This is the first message I've read since coming back from MIA mode, so I hope you've had at least one reason to LMSO today...

As always, sending you lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Karen,

BEWARE: It can be very difficult to watch!!! There is NO!!! way I could watch too many episodes at a time. Mixed in with all the sadness and some lighter moments, is some very good advice. Even though it was difficult to watch, I wish there were more than three seasons.

As always, sending you and Rambo lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Love it Deb, also love LMSO - today was a tough one again cause I had to handle paperwork. It is not enough that you lose someone you love, are grieving and lost, and then you have to deal with all the agencies that need relevant info. Thanks for a smile, hugs, Rita

 

I’m so sorry, Rita
Paperwork is so challenging, especially with all of the red tape required to do simple business after someone has died. I’m thinking of you. ~Bernadine

 

Love this!!! How very, very true. Our son's tombstone has part of a Bible verse from I Corinthians 13, "Love never fails". You cannot kill a true love for another person. It remains risen up strong and unquenchable until we see them again. I have a poem entitled, "Death is Nothing". I would be glad to put it on this website if it interests anyone.

And as you said, Helena, I have one more quote also:
“I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness.
I will build you up again, and you, Virgin Israel, will be rebuilt. Again you will take up your timbrels and go out to dance with the joyful." Jeremiah 31:3-4
This may seem impossible at the present time for you, but God's word is always true. One day, we will know joy again.
Chris

 

Little by little, grief slowly fades, but love always burns brightly. Today it is 51 days since my beloved Geoff left me with just memories.
Those who where always there for us in this life will always be there for us in our memories. Sometimes, happy memories hurt the most.
I don't think anyone really understands how tiring is to act okay and always be strong when in reality I'm close to the edge. I feel very lonely, I have no friends and seems like my life is crashing so fast, the only thing I have is the grieving warriors of WIC!!!

 

Helena,
Please know that you are not alone and that you have friends here. We may not have met, but that doesn't mean we don't care about you.
Sometimes we have different types of loss, but we all know the heaviness and pain of grief. Hang in there. Things will not always be this hard or this bad. Take care of yourself so that when you begin to improve, you will still have your health.
When you feel close to the edge and like your life is crashing, take consolation in the fact that those of us who have gone through this terrible turmoil have been able to survive it, even when we thought we could not go another day. God is my strength and the only reason I am here today. He carried me all the way and comforted me during my darkest days of despair.
i love you and care about you.
Chris