I lost my husband to stomach cancer in Feb. 2019. I feel like I have been proactive in dealing with my grief. I am lonely and I feel like I am in limbo trying to figure out what's next in life. I work a full time day job; therefore, the only free time I have is evenings and weekends. My friends are married and most work full time too. They have their own families. I do go out with my married female friends for lunch or supper on occasion. I have been invited a few times to participate in social events with couple friends. Definitely different now. Even though I feel like a third wheel, I do enjoy the social aspect. I live in a town where there really isn't many places to meet single people. I do not go to clubs or bars. I do make myself go out to eat (not fun alone!). I go to Bible studies at my church when they are at night. I exercise at a gym. I do go to church. I get frustrated when I hear advice of join a club or volunteer. That would be a great option if I was retired. Most clubs and other activities in my area meet during the day. I have looked at social weekend clubs and activities - which most I would have to drive an hour or more - and is an option for the weekend. I have chatted online and I have visited dating sites. I have found with most dating sites that you have to pay in order to really communicate effectively with someone. I have also found with most chat sites and some dating sites that people are fake, scammers, or sexually focused minded. I have never really had a lot of female friends, and it would be nice to have female friends to do things with and talk to. I do miss male companionship. Where do you meet nice respectful single men in their 50's? I feel like I am standing in the middle of a giant circle wondering which direction to walk and the process. My days seem like there is no purpose or direction. I get up, go to work, come home. Weekends I ask myself ok what are you going to do today. Most of the time the answer is I don't know and end up piddling the rest of the day. I don't want the rest of my life to be like that. I feel like I can live alone, but I feel like I am separated from people in general because I am a widow. I hate feeling lonely. I hate the void inside of not having someone to care for and to be cared for by someone. I know my children, my brother, and my friends love me and support me, but it is just all so different. A piece of me is missing. No one can understand that feeling unless they have walked in my shoes. I do try to keep a positive attitude. I do try to remember that God gives me the strength and guidance to walk each day. Lately I have found myself crying and thinking of my late husband when I go to bed. I miss him. I just wish I knew what direction my life is going and had friends/companionship to lessen the loneliness. I know I can do activities alone, but I do not enjoy doing activities alone. It is more enjoyable to have someone to go on vacation with, to go to the movies with, to eat out with, or to call/text with. I am just in limbo and lonely asking when shall this too pass?