Ex-spouse's suicide and no family connection

Hello. My ex-husband died recently far away from where I reside. I heard the tragic, shocking news when a long time friend phoned me. The mornings and nights are difficult. I am also unemployed and receiving UI so not a lot of daily distractions which I feel is both a positive and a negative. We had no children and he remarried. Over the years, he, his family and I drifted apart and/or had a falling out. My mother died several years ago and I have no family left. My ex-husband was my mentor and was an integral part of my life. I cannot focus or concentrate, cannot deal with people's demands and am honoring the family's request to not be contacted. One of his family members did contact me (and I am forever grateful) and we talked for about 10 minutes. I have gained 8 lbs in one week. I can't believe he's no longer alive. It's complicated and I am scared to talk about how I feel; I fear judgment but am willing to be judged for my mistakes in our marriage. There is not a lot out there for ex-spouses and it would help to see if I can get some support here. Thank you for being here. I am staying upright by meditation and being with others in a chanting group that meets once or twice a week but mostly I am alone and watch Youtube videos.