Dreams and my future…..gone in

Thanks, Robin. Keeping my mind off it
with music today thru Monday night,
both outside on the Neck and at Whale's
Jaw Cafe. My friend, my age, is a drummer
there, and we have a lot of laughs. It's
good that he will be driving me to & from
hospital..... Lou

 

Perfect plan Lou. I’m happy you have a good friend to take you and drive you home. And music to keep your mind from thinking of it constantly. I just researched whales Jaw Cafe. Looks so nice, so inviting. I’d go there too if I lived close. Robin

 

Robin. so glad you looked up the cafe. It's
been here for a year, and I believe the
place will last, unlike the previous
restaurant, bc of the live music every day,
at lunch, and on Friday nights with a
full bar. I promote the cafe, like an
unpaidPR guy. bc I like the owners and
musicians so much. I bought T-shirts &
coffee mugs with their name on them.
It amazes me how music has now played a
central role in my life. I'm happy, that live
bands are coming your way, too. Lou

 

Reminds me of Kenn. The free PR, live music, musicians….

 

When I found their site I looked at their merchandise. Not knowing you bought some shirts and mugs. They’re actually pretty nice. Music can bring so many emotions. And can be healing. I know music can be powerful. Im so happy that you realized that music has an important role in your life and you enjoy it daily. Robin

 

Thank you, Robin! Woke up at 4am, briefly,
and saw your reply and Bernadine's, whose soulmate, Kenn, was a musician.
I wish Linda & I could have met both of
them & heard Kenn play the blues. When I
write about the cafe, I think of TGW who
can listen to live music again, like you,
Bernadine, Chad, and Rose. I hope others,
like Den & Karen, will follow sometime. L

 

Bernadine, as I just told Robin, I wish Linda & I could have met you & Kenn, and
heard him play the blues. Lou

 

Resonates so much. Joining this conversation because loss of a Spouse is so traumatic and isolating and the only comfort, if there is any is sharing experiences and issues with those who 'get it'. That's my big thing and after 10 months I am struggling to mix with people who have their lives ongoing while mine has stopped. It's a challenge which is very hard to put into words.

 

You are right Johnnywidower. I am sorry for your loss. Today is 3 months since I lost my husband and it is just as hopeless as early on. Yesterday I decided I should try to engage with people as I have always been a people person. So I signed up for a women's exercise class. Got through the sign up and entered the gym area where the women were having a good time hollering and laughing to the upbeat music. I immediately burst into tears and had to run out. Sobbed all the way home and beyond. I cannot seem to be with people and their everyday lives. I felt like a failure.

 

I don't feel you have failed. I've found grief takes much longer than we think. Mixing is a massive challenge. I have found I can only mix with people who 'get it' in short bursts and that's 10 months after my loss. Be patient and kind to yourself and see things that fail as a guide to what will work. Take care

 

Hi Peggy and Johnny. I went to a graduation party 2 months after Cheryl transitioned and it was hell. I cried in plain view in front of a large tent of people. No one tried to comfort me that I remember. I went to a party the next day because so many relatives were in town and regretted that also. By nature we become loners. Peggy you are not a failure. You allowed yourself to experience your feelings. The rest of society doesn’t have a clue what loss feels like. Our journey is a slow process. Next time go early and get in the back row so no one can observe you. Release your grief into your workout. Just a thought. Do it at your own pace. My first trip to Walmart a song was on the intercom and the words were “why did you leave me why did you die?” I had to retreat to a quiet aisle in the store and ball my eyes out. I remember always shopping early and there was a particular place on the drive home I would have a bawling jag. It happened for 5-6 months. Today I see the beauty in the fields and the sky there remembering how bad it used to be 15 months ago. I’m redefining loneliness and isolation with solitude. I’m getting used to being alone. I do cherish intimate relationships with people though. We interact by text and talk. The book Permission to Mourn has kept my relationship with Cheryl alive as this is my new normal. I love what Johnny said about being very gentle and kind to ourselves. Gary

 

Hi Gary,
So poignant and true.
Thanks for the kind words.
John

 

Can't pass this one up, Den or Deb?

 

Oh,crap. I hate you , Kitten. I mean
Karen. Just kidding . How could I hate a
funny rascal like you? Louster

 

You Louster you really gave me my daily laugh, I'm still laughing. You must of kept Linda in stitches laughing.

 

Gary, your comment, "I’m redefining loneliness and isolation with solitude. I’m getting used to being alone". For some reason your comment stayed with me all night. I woke up thinking about redefining loneliness with solitude. I'm trying to get used to being alone and I will think about your comment every day. It makes sense. Thank you, K

 

Louster, I'm in the kitchen now laughing again. Maybe laughter is the key to endure the rest of our lives?????

 

So glad to keep you laughing, Karen. I
just read an interview with Bob Newhart,
in Parade magazine. At 92, he believes the
secret to his long , happy marriage to
Ginny, has been their ability to laugh
with each other. We had that , too, when I
wasn't acting like a PITA.........Lou

 

Louster, it's 4:24PM and I'm still laughing. Stop making these jokes -- people are going to wonder why I'm smiling all the time. Oh crap.