Don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Life After Caregiving' started by Daisy726, Apr 24, 2021.

  1. Daisy726

    Daisy726 Member

    I lost my significant other of 20 years 2 months ago. He had a heart attack 3 years ago. This has been a long and hard fight but we never gave up. Since last November, he has been in & out of the ER several times. I feel that due to covid, he didn't receive the care & attention that he needed. Too many virutal visits instead of face to face.

    He went into the hospital on 1/27 and due to restrictions nobody was allowed in. We were getting report that he was improving, actually had plans to go to rehab the weekend before he passed. Little did we know, they were sending him to rehab to die, not get stronger. Five days before he passed, he boys were told that he wasn't going to make it. We were allowed in to see him, then had to move him 24 hours before he passed to a nursing home. He was moved on Friday and passed on Saturday.

    I was able to be with him when he passed, which I am very thankful for. I didn't want him to go alone nor in pain.

    It has been 2 months and the tears still don't stop. I will do better for a couple days then cry all day for a couple days. I work from home which is good and bad. Good that most have no idea the struggle i have but also bad because I can hide.

    Have been looking toward scripture and guidance from God. The loss at times is very overwhelming. I always heard that it was a heartache when you lose your other half. I didn't understand that your heart truly hurts.

    Thankfully, he is buried close to me. In the beginning, I was there everyday. It made me feel better. I prefer to go everyday but my Mom had surgery and that has kept me from being able to go there daily. Longest I have been is 2 days. If I go and am really upset, I do find that it calms me down.

    The thought of not having him in my life is crushing. I still speak to him both at home and at the cemetery.

    What are some things that people do to cope.
  2. Sheila512

    Sheila512 Well-Known Member

    Coping is so individual. I have my late husband's photo as my screen saver so when I open the computer, he is smiling at me. I talk about him and to him throughout the day. He WAS not part of my life, he IS part of my life. I am the person I am because of his influence. I try to do think he would honor but the tears get to me as well. My husband has been gone 4 and a half years and although I go about m daily routine, I am sad most of the time. i guess if I had other things in my life to cheer me up it wouldn't be so bad, but I don't. Since COVID I am supporting 3 more adults who are 'looking for work.' My dream of working one more year and keeping the $$ for what I wanted to do is dead. I know that NO ONE gets the life they planned. But who planned for this never ending grief.? All I can tel you is that embrace the good days ad cry on the bad days. It will release stress and you will be able to move on a tiny bit at a time. I will never feel happy again and I can just hope i don't give my kids any grief as I age. I don't want to live with them, next to them or around the corner. I am very independent and do not like how they hover on some days and ignore me on others. Find a group or an individual grief counselor. Someone to talk to that is not tired of listening to you cry. A counselor will not tell you to get over it and move on...but the truth is..this is your new normal and if you do't move on you will stagnate, get more depressed and make yourself sick.

    Best of luck to you. You are in my prayers, although I am doubting that as well.