Don’t know how to do this..

I’ve never been on a thread chat so I have no idea how this works. When I learned of my daughter’s sudden death from a freak ATV training accident as part of her fire fighter training endeavors, all that I could say was
I don’t know what to do, over and over like a mad woman. I physically sprayed myself down with my garden hose then laid on the ground soaking wet and sobbing. My mind keeps wanting to replay that first hour of horror but I only allow occasional revisit. Since I visited her house alone, to simply water the indoor plants, I’ve been battling an illness probably from the depth of despair I got pulled into. Her husband crashes regularly into anger at it all and I’m worried for the two kids, 11 yr old girl trying to be 20 now and 8 yr old boy. Never knew death could bring up feelings of defeat…