I lost my husband almost two months ago due an unexpected cardiac event. The day of his death completely turned my world upside down. I lost all sense of direction on everything; it paralyzed me. The waves of emotions are coming at me from all corners. I used to be a very vibrant, jolly person. When I look in the mirror now, I see an extremely lonely, lost, and hopeless person - someone I hardly recognize. I miss him every second and the realization that he is not coming back makes the heartbreak even more painful.
I'm sorry for your loss. You've lost apart of you so I get not being able to recognize yourself part of you is gone. I lost my fiancee 6 months ago. I think it's a dream and that everyday I wake up he'll be here. So it definitely hurts realizing it's not. I don't think the pain goes away but I think time makes you stronger and therefore make the pain easier to deal with. Hope all is well with you
Each night, I oftentimes wish that I won’t wake up anymore and each waking hour in the mornings feels like a punishment. I miss him so much. Tomorrow is the 3 month of his passing. Managing the sadness and loneliness is the hardest part for me right now. It is hard to find an ounce of joy even if good news finds my way. Tonight is the first night since his passing that I will be alone in our home as our friend who has been staying with us moved out already. It seems that everybody has moved on and I am somehow stuck in void. Obviously, the loss that I am feeling is more profound than theirs, and maybe that makes everything even harder. I just hope in time, as I heal, the sadness and loneliness ease up a little. I do not ever want to forget about my love but I hope someday when I remember him, it will be with fondness like all the memories that we have created together.
Grief does make it feel like everything around you is moving and you're at a stand still. Unless people have been through it they dont understand what you're feeling. Some thing you should bounce back after a certain amount of time. I've even had people ask me about dating again. Another man is the last thing on my mind. Our kids are the only thing that keep me going. It hurts that my fiancee's family dont at least check on the kids but I'm not surprised. Once you get stronger you'll be able think about him without being so sad. Praying you continue to get stronger.
Your world changed in a second. In time you will be able to smile. But then again it will hit out again out of the blue. Grief is a crazy roller coaster. It’s been 9months for me. The first three months I cried all the time. Now I can talk about her and smile. But today I cried I talked to her on my way home from work. It helped. It never completely goes away but you wanted want that. “A heart that is broken in a heart that’s been loved”.
Please know you are not alone. I am going through the exact same thing. I understand, and I wish you just one or two moments of peace.
