Death of my husband

Hi Lou, thank you for your kind words. Yes, these particular recurrences are so heartbreaking,and as you have said, you also had 25 wonderful years of marriage with your Linda.
Forgive me if I don't remember but have you already had your surgery?
Wishing you well, Lou.
Rose.

 

Rose, thanks so much for remembering and asking about my surgery. It will,take
place on Tues , the 16th. It is a hernia
operation, which is quite common. More
concerning for me, and filled with emotion, is a sensitive area on my upper
chest. It hurts if something brushes against
it. I've had an ultrasound, and also an
X-Ray ( today). I'm scheduled for a
mammogram a week from day. When I
had the ultrasound, I told the technician
that Linda had breast cancer, which
spread, very painfully , to her back.,She
died suddenly in front of me from a
pulmonary embolism. My head tells me
our bodies and situations are different.
My soul quivers in fear. In the meantime,
I am going to live music events right thru
Monday night , which is a welcome
distraction & release. I feel better that I can
share my medical worries with other
kind GW like you. I've been talking with
Linda that someday my spirit will be with
hers, but I've been praying to
God to let me live longer, like my folks,
who lived into their mid 90s. Lou

 

Cathy Lynn: We had a hurricane right before my husband passed away (one and one half months). Insurance would not cover my roof or fence I had to sell his truck/guns/ my 350 Z. I prayed and prayed and with god's help I have survived. Think about the present day as much as you can - not the past; not the future; but today and thank God you are alive (barely in your heart) I know. Some days just take my breath away but I know you will be o,k with God's help. PRAY PRAY PRAY out loud. Blessings, Lorry

 

My prayers Lou-- Lorry
FOR ALL:

Changing Seasons -
Imagine what kind of tree you’d be. See the seasons pass, the turning of the leaves and the renewal of spring. Realize your own power to heal, and grow.

That power grows over time, most significantly when we choose to help, or “shelter” others. If you find yourself weary of too much time spent in isolation and loneliness, take a few of those hours each week to volunteer with a local charity. The gifts you bring to them will be so appreciated; and the gifts you are given – the healing, and the growth – will serve you well during the coming months.

Quotation of the Day

“I think of the trees and how simply they let go, let fall the riches of a season, how without grief (it seems) they can let go and go deep into their roots for renewal and sleep.... Imitate the trees. Learn to lose in order to recover, and remember that nothing stays the same for long, not even pain, psychic pain. Sit it out. Let it all pass. Let it go. ”~May Sarton

 

Thank you so much, Lorry. Good to see
you on here as always. Lou

 

Hi Cathy Lynn,
I am so sorry for your loss of Rob. I lost my husband Andy of 27 years on 11/6. We were never able to have children so we have canine kids. I guess I am having to come to terms that my husband had different health issues over the past few years but I never thought he would die from any of them. He has had sepsis in the past two years and this year he ended up in the hospital again with sepsis the second time from a diabetic ulcer on his foot. That happened on 4/26 and he complained of leg pain the whole time he was in the hospital. The floor doctor decided to have it x-rayed before he checked out to go to rehab. It turns out his hip was broken. He also had to get a feeding tube while he was in the hospital. The only rehab that would take him at the time was horrific so he left that day by ambulance. We tried doing the home health care and I was working from hone for about 5 months. The feeding tube was a nightmare and he haf to have it redone 3 times and never gained any weight. He had started developing some pressure sores because he wasn't able to put any weight on the broken hip. He was in a hospital bed in our living room. The feeding tube fell out again and he started eating really well. The only thing was that he wasn't sitting up straight when he was eating and drinking and he developed aspiration pneumonia. He had already had some dysphasia in the past. He almost died that night in the ER. He stayed in the hospital until 11/6. During that time he had aspiration pneumonia again and respiratory failure. He made it through that but suffered from chronic diarrhea the whole time. They haf him on 3 medications to try and control it. He also haf afib and low blood pressure. His pressure wounds seem to get worse in the hospital. His fracture had healed but it hurt him to turn over to have the wounds dressed. He was so humiliated to have to have people do this and clean him up. He finally had to have the wounds debrieded and the doctor said some of them may never heal. The last procedure he had wad was to get a colostomy bag so that nothing would get on the wounds. By now I had been around my dad who haf gotten covid. I wore a mask and tried to be careful around him but I got it. We had both been vaccinated but it was very hard on my dad. He is 86. My husband ended up getting it. I tested positive on the day that he had his colostomy procedure. Whe he got back to the room I told him and I went home. He was very upset with me. He was used to me being with him at the hospital every day from 8-8. I was able to work remotely. He lost his voice again after the procedure. He seemed to get worse. By that Saturday he was having trouble breathing. They called me from the rapid response team and I had the put him on a ventilator. He made it through the night but he started to run a high fever. He couldn't eat or drink or communicate. He wad on so much medication to keep his blood pressure up. They made me leave the night I got up there to ICU because I had covid. I saw him laying there but he was sedated. I never got to see or talk to him again. The next day I talked to the nurse and doctor and they told me he was struggling and suffering. I couldn't take anymore and neither could my husband. I told them to take him off the ventilator and do the comfort care. He died in just a few minutes. He was 52. I blame myself totally because I feel like the covid pushed him over the edge and he couldn't recover. I just can't comprehend even now that he is gone. I am sorry for the long post.

 

KLovinggood,
I am so touched that you shared your story. As I read about your journey tears poured down my face. I know words do not take away the pain or the in deep saddness that you are experiencing. I look for my Rob almost everyday. I kiss his picture good night each night and before I go to work each day. What I can recommend is that you have someone to talk to, whether it is on this board or in person. I have found a very good therapist who is helping me deal with my grief and the trauma of being a caregiver who feels like they have failed their love one. She has taught me that there is no right or wrong answer in your grief process. You have to take each day as it comes and give yourself grace. Allow yourself to grieve in the way that is best for you. As the holidays come it will be difficult.
Rob and I did not have children either, just our dogs. If you want to talk more I am here to listen or chat.

 

CathyLynn, I'm so glad you're back on
Grief in Common, and reaching out to
comfort Karen, whose husband, Andy ,
recently died. I asked Karen for her first
name, bc I don't like dealing with user
names. I recall "talking" with you a
while back, about the death of your
husband, Rob, and that you didn't have
children. My wife, Linda, died suddenly
in front of me in a rehab unit of a
nursing home. She was 68. We were
married 25 years, no children. I went to
a grief counselor after Linda died 4 years
ago. She suggested GIC, but I wasn't ready
to join until July of 2021. I've made many
close friends here. It is so good to see you
on here again. Lou

 

Lou, Thank you. I am a teacher and once school was back in session, I found myself just zapped of energy. I am good at compartmentalizing my feelings. At school, I am able to function pretty well and go about my day, but when I get home in the evenings and realized that he is not coming home I grieve and cry. I have some very good friends that are being very supportive. Most evenings I just am so tired that I don't want to go online and so I have not been here much. I am so anxious about the holidays and am dreading them really. Our anniversary would have been December 29th (27 years). Thank you for listening

 

CathyLynn, it warms my heart that you
rejoined us, especially in this " Hallmark"
family holiday season, where everyone
seems happy, except those like us, who
cry every day. You & I are similar , in that
you were married almost 27 years, and
Linda & I were married 25. As The
Grief Warriors ( TGW), as I call my
friends here, know---- anniversaries of
the deaths of our soulmates are
devastating. But, I prefer to honor Linda's
BIRTH date, which makes me smile. Lou

 

Lou, thanks for your support. i am learning to share and reflect on the joy of my memories. Those things that would have brought us both joy.

 

Thank you so much, CathyLynn, for
getting back to me. It means a lot. I reached
out to the 2nd Karen ( KLovinggood), but
she hasn't replied. I know you were
"talking" with her, as well as me. I really
hope she'll stay on GIC. The death of her
husband, Andy, is so recent, that her
emotions are raw. Thanks again for
your reply tonight. I did a lot of walking
today , and I'm going to bed early. Hope to
"talk" again with you, soon. Lou