Death of my husband

Lou: How long has Linda been gone Lou? Do you date at all? Thank you for your kindness. I feel as if I have been kicked in the gut~. Lorry;

 

Linda died right before Thanksgiving,
2018. This is the first time that I feel
ready to meet someone, but slowly.
Someone with whom to take walks,
share a meal, and a laugh. Except for a
very occasional hug. from a woman , or
even a man friend, I crave a hug and a
kiss. I feel sad when I see couples, old &
young, holding hands, laughing, smiling
at each other, and kissing. I talk with
everyone, young, old, married, or single
and love to listen to their stories. As my
single male friend. whose soulmate died
3 years ago, pointed out, my talking with
everyone, is good practice for meeting a
woman. She will most likely be from the
city, bc my small, seaside town, can be
like Peyton Place. Lou

 

Lou: I can tell you loved her very much. I am so sorry for your loss. My Neil died on Thanksgiving 18 mos ago. Perhaps I dated too early. The quiet in my house is deafening however. I have two miniature chocolate schnauzers that I purchased for Neil when he was ill. They miss him too~ Lorry

 

Lorry, your story about your dogs is
touching. After Linda died , I talked
with a widow, whose husband died a
month after Linda. She bought a
French Bulldog, with a big head, and
what looks like a grin, after her husband
died. I'm not interested in her romantically,
but we like to talk. At first, we were both
very sad, even bitter. and a little angry
that we weren't able to grow old with our
soulmates. The happy dog became like a
service dog for me. I needed a dog "fix"
every day, in that period, but now, I'm not
as needy. I see owner & dog often, but I
have other friends, too. Lou

 

AIR thoughts:
I woke up thinking about something that is helping me through the journey and may sound silly. It's "air". I find myself sniffing air morning mid day and night.
In the morning I hurry out to smell the morning air and wait for that mountain air to kick in as it does often. Then mid morning the air tells me what the temp will be that day. I'm even appreciating the air of heat -- when it's very hot the air is so still. Air and wind brings fragrance of flowers, trees, shrubs and yes even weeds. And the smell of earth when the sprinkler is going.

I'm loving my air and I think I'm becoming mentally unstable. But, maybe this is the first time that I've had so much time alone I'm appreciating nature more.

If you become 'air' prone be sure to sniff and take a deep breath.

Thanks for reading. I'll let you know if they commit me to a mental institution, Ha! Hum!. Karen

 

Karen, love you, as always, for your
ability to laugh at yourself, and your
unique word, "Hum".I share your love of
nature , & breathing in the air every
morning. I am blessed to smell the salty
sea air now. When Linda & I worked in
the city, it was 10 degrees hotter, and often,
humid, with no breeze.I say a prayer to
God, for being alive, by the ocean. I used
to cry when I sat on the same bench
on which Linda & I did, but now I know
her spirit is smiling on me, bc I promised
her I would be healthy & happy. Lou

 

I would like to smell the sea again. Yes, her spirit is smiling and you are doing so well, I would be proud if I was you.

 

Thank you, Karen. I'm proud of myself!
Linda knew how to put





people at ease, and make
them laugh. Now, I'm doing it, and talk
about Linda with strangers I meet. She is

part of who I am. Lou

 

She will always a part of who you are, always. Me too, Jack is a part of me that will never disappear, ever.
I talk to him every morning when I get up asking him to help me get through the day. It makes my day better.

 

This made me smile. Thanks, Karen. You seem quite sane, I don’t see an institution in your future, lol. ~B

 

I’m glad you’re proud of yourself, Lou.
Meeting new people, just Being With people is a skill. You’re quite talented at it, I can tell. ~B

 

100 degrees today, still air.

 

Thanks,Bernadine. I told a friend that
some people might think I'm a happy
a**hole, but, really. I'm turning the
corner in my grieving for Linda. This is
the best summer for me since she died.
I've put myself out there. & showed an
interest in other people, and they've
been kind to me in return. I can smile,
even laugh, and listen to live music
again. Lou

 

I love reading this, Lou.
I saw you are having a conversation about meeting a “more-than-friend” friend.
I’m glad it feels safe to step out right now.
~B

 

Lou, those words: "she is part of who I am", just moved me so much. I feel that way too and I wanted to share here an experience I had the other day. I was trying to 'read' a music sheet and writing some of the more difficult notes in letters as I have never really studied how to read music, just try my best. I suddenly saw my C's handwriting. I had written some letters the way he did, it had just happened spontaneously. Gosh, I thought to myself, "you really are in me, aren't you, you're helping me write down these notes like you always do". I just felt a glimmer of comfort at that moment, and I managed a smile. I realise that when I talk to people (doesn't happen much) I say things from his point of view too, it just comes naturally. I've never had much confidence speaking to people I don't know well, but now thanks to my C, I feel stronger when I need to do that. For example, we are famous here for our exaggerated bureaucracy, having to deal with public officials for paperwork is a nightmare, even for the most patient human being. Now though, I have become more courageous, I 'put my foot down' and will not be intimidated by their stupid nonsense, I make myself heard, as we say here. It works.

I wanted to share a beautiful song I discovered, but I was unable to upload the file, keeps saying it's too large. Well, it's called: "You're still here", by Faith Hill, and the words just resonate with me so much, and I'm sure they do with you all too.

I thought I saw you today.....
I had a dream last night, that you came to me on silver wings.......
I woke up wondering what was real, is it what you see and touch or what you feel?
How could you be so far away, when you're still here.......
When I need you, you're not hard to find, you're still here....
I heard you in a stranger's laugh, and I hung around to hear your laugh again,
Just once again.....

Wishing you a peaceful Sunday.
Rose

 

Thank you, Rose , for both your beautiful
thoughts and song. I woke up from a dream, about Linda being beside me, and I was teary eyed . It's about 3 in the
morning here. I love that I can get on GIC &,see kind people, like you. I have
to keep this short, bc I must go back to
sleep. Lou

 

Hello Everyone,
I have begun to see a therapist, I am reading books, have purchased a widows journal and have started to write letters to Rob each day. I am having good and bad days. I am having trouble sleeping and have taken melatonin. The therapist suggested a half of a benadryl and that does seem to help some. I had birthday (my first without him) that was very hard. We did not do big birthday celebrations, but there would have been dinner together and usually a card some activity. I think in addition to missing him so much, I am also having trouble with the trama of his long hospital stay. His sister went in the hospital on July 22 to have surgery on her intestines. She has had several complications and now has a fungal infection. I am so worried about her and fear that she is not going to recover. She and I have grown very close since his illness and I don't think I can hand more loss. On the home front, it seems that everything wants to fall about at once. While he was in the hospital the stove quit working, then when I got home the heating and air conditioner system went out, the the dryer stopped working, I had to replace the batteries in both his car and truck..... . Then one day while running errands I looked down to see that the set had fallen out of my engagement ring. All these little things are happening and he is not here to share to load with me...to talk it over when trying to make decisions. I have always been independent,,, he liked that, but I hate the thought of having to do it all alone now..no one to share it ups and downs with on a daily basis.

 

CathyLynn, that's horrible that all that shit
hit the fan all at once, while you're in the
middle of grieving for Rob. It's terribly
unfair, and you have every right to
scream WTF!!!, like many Grief Warriors,
including myself, often do. Glad you're
still on GIC, which is a good place to
vent. Except for the trauma about your
sister-in-law, I've experienced many of the
same things you have. As my wise brother,
on GIC, says, we have to "keep on
truckin'". Lou

 

Cathy Lynn, I'm so sorry about your sisterinlaw, I do hope things work out, I understand how hard it must be, without your soulmate beside you. You mention how so many things are suddenly breaking, well, that's me too! The front yard gate, the shutters, short circuits all over the place, his car battery flat (which I still have to decide to sell), and so on.
I understand how sad your first birthday was without your beloved, it's actually our 27th wedding anniversary today, two years ago in fact we had celebrated our silver wedding anniversary. I have our photo of that day on my bedside cabinet.

Sending you hugs, from thousands of miles away.
Rose

 

Oh, Rose, I'm so sorry. Anniversaries are
so hard, and sometimes open the
floodgates. As I've said before, even after
over 3 & a half years since Linda's death,
I cry a little , usually every morning ,
before I walk outside. I can't fight Mr.
Grief at the door. My grief counselor
said that when Mr. G knocks, I have to
let him in. Linda & I were married 25
years, a big portion of my life, so I can
understand your emotions on this day.
The best thing we can do, is to reach others
in grief. Lou