Death of my husband

CathyLynn, this is Karen. For some reason your post here stuck a bone or whatever you call it. It's been 19 months since my hubby, Jack passed and I'm feeling everything you have mentioned after all these months. It's so easy to fall back into recluse mode. I'm really glad you have the summer to focus on him and focus on you. Don't forget "You". It's hard but we must take care of ourselves. Blessings, Karen

 

I just read your first post Cathy and saw how new you are the loss of your husband. Try to be patient with yourself you will experience many emotions during this journey. You can't rush Mr. Grief,but in time he will soften your pain. Your husband will always live in your heart wherever you go, whatever you do and whatever you don't do. Take care and don't forget to take care of "You". Karen

 

Cathy Lynn, this is Lorry. I, too, at times think my late husband is nearby. He is in my memory and heart. It is so very difficult the second year. It has been 16 months and I feel so alone. I do not like to be alone but I do not like to have to go, go, go either. In my way to church. Blessings to you, Lorry

 

Lorry, great to see you on GIC again.
It's important to give yourself quiet time,
and not be on the go all the time. As all of
TGW know only two well, life is short, and
must be savored. Recently , a much
younger friend made fun of me bc I
was eating so slowly. The fact is that I
was savoring my food, and enjoying the
moment, as I try to do , with other things,
every day. I don't belong to a congregation,
but I say a short prayer of gratitude to
God, every morning, for being alive, as I
look on the sunshine over the sea. Lou

 

Lou: You are correct. I am always trying to find a solution to my grief. I know I need to walk through it however. I purchased the books that you recommended. The Widower's Notebook and Permission to Mourn. Your kindness is appreciated Lou! Have a wonderful day Lorry.

 

Lorry, I'm so glad you got those 2 books.
My grief counselor suggested them for
me, and I recommended them to my
friends, like you, on this site. Deb &
Gary quote Zuba's book all the time. Hope
you can get outside & "smell the flowers"
& enjoy the sunshine. Lou

 

Lou: I am always outside - just got back from the beautiful ocean for one week. I am now working on my hedge - I have two acres! Lorry

 

Lorry, that's wonderful that you went to
the ocean! I couldn't live without it. Linda
& I spent our childhoods by the sea, in
different places, had to work in the city.
When we retired, we came back to Linda"s
hometown . As much as I cry for her
every morning, I'm grateful for the time
we had together, sitting on a bench, looking at the ocean waves, before she
had to go to the hospital. Lou

 

I found this on Facebook and wanted to share with you warriors. Karen

I remember crying almost every day for close to a year. It hurt so bad, as if I was gone too. I couldn’t imagine why, but then I remembered the verse, “the two shall become one”, I got it! A piece of me is in heaven!

 

Karen, just woke up briefly at 4am, on
Thurs , & noticed I put a LIKE on
your post yesterday. Thank you for
your perfect & uplifting quote. I felt the
same way that first year--- cried a
lot, felt like a zombie, never watched a
a program on my Smart Phone ( I choose
not to have a a TV). or listened to music.
As TGW know, listening to live bands, &
duos , at my local cafe, with friends, is
essential for my well being and
happiness. It is bittersweet, bc Linda
never experienced this place, but I honor
her memory, by talking about her,
at times, here. Lou

 

Lou, Well I just ended an eight month relationship with a man I really care for. He keeps saying he wants us to commit to one another - no engagement - no marriage- and I said No -- but he has another lady that calls him frequently and that he sees. She is an interior decorator. He is extremely well off and says she helps him ?!! I found a picture of them under his sink while looking for hand soap. He tells me she has moved on and has another man and they are "just friends". I knew by the sound of his voice yesterday she was nearby and sure enough she dropped off a book -- "Where the Crawdad's Sing" - which I read two years ago. Greg and I had been talking about going to see the movie. Strange how the book appeared. The book is more of a girl's book.

He states that he adores me!!! I would see him every other day because I wanted to keep some days to myself. Now, I will have every day to myself as I got extremely upset and angry. I cannot trust him. What do you think Lou as a man? Lorry

 

Lorry, thank you for asking my opinion,
as a man. I believe Greg is a two faced
liar and a jerk. You deserve someone
much better. You are bright, and, I'm
sure, attractive, otherwise Greg would not
"adore " you. I was listening to the
song, Solitary Man, by Neil Diamond,
about his desire to be alone, if women
played games with him, and were
involved romantically with other men.
If I meet a woman , for companionship,
I would want it to be exclusive. I like the
idea that you & I are discussing dating
again after the deaths of Neil and Linda.
I hope other GW will weigh in on this
topic. Thank you, Lorry. Lou

 

Lou: I know in my gut he is not truthful but he wines and dines me. He just took me on a lavish vacation and wants me to go to Miami Beach for Christmas. I have to be strong Lou and it is not easy. I told him that I could not be in a committed relationship with him because I did not want to be 75 and still just living together. Lou -- Thank you! In his community on the water the majority of the couples that live there are not married. They are in their early 70's. He has this "friend" however and that really made me doubt. I am so lonely and fell right into this. I have broken up with him several times before for postponing dates, which I realize now were because of the "friend". He is a player and says ALL the right things. It helps to see my words and realize how stupid I. have been. I am so very lonely and needy. I want to feel productive . I work two jobs - one as a professor and the other in charge of 15 schools. I also swim laps and walk miles. How do you meet someone honest and interested in a relationship? Perhaps I am trying too hard. People keep telling me it happens when you least expect it! Does it? Lorry

 

Yes, Lorry. Deb & I joke on GIC about the
old TV show, Candid Camera, when the
crew would visit you, when you
least expected it. That goes for Mr, Grief,
as well as a new relationship. You were
not stupid, just lonely. As I've said on GIC,
after Linda died, I went to bars, depressed
& lonely, stayed out late, and drank
more, with the hopes of hooking up
with a woman. One day, a woman ,
younger than I, 50, from out of town.
aggressively sat on a barstool next to
me, when there were other seats
available. I was flattered at first, but
when she kissed me on the lips , at the
bar, I felt uncomfortable, & realized that
she was drunker than I was. Thankfully,
she left town, & I never saw her again.
The bartender, about my age , said I
dodged a bullet. I gave up drinking.
If I meet a woman, it will probably be on
the Neck ( a promenade of shops, art
galleries , & restaurants), or at my local
cafe, with live music every Friday night.
You may enjoy Boynton Beach Club.
about widowed singles in a Florida
community, It can be sad, but ultimately
funny. I identified with the main
character, played by Len Cariou. Lou