Death of my daughter from opioid addiction

Hi. I'm pretty new here, but I have been reading these threads and feel the pain that we all feel. I just lost my husband 12 weeks ago. I came home one Saturday afternoon to him on our bed already gone. The police said it was heroin with fentanyl. I had no idea that he was even using drugs, none at all. People keep telling me that is how addicts are; they lie, steal, will do anything to get their next fix. We hadn't even celebrated our first wedding anniversary. What makes things worse is that others knew he was using drugs and never told me. The anger and hatred I have inside is overwhelming at times. How could I be so blind? I know this isn't my fault. I know I didn't force him to use heroin, crack, and whatever else he was using. I just can't believe he lied to me and then left me without ever telling me he was an addict. How do I go on and ever trust again?

 

Hey Sandy, hope you are hanging in there. I see you mentioned feeling alone in your grief. I have just started feeling that way sometimes ever since the one year anniversary (what I call "THE DAY"). I've done so much reading on the stages of grief and most of the explanations you see are 100% correct. I believe the reason for the lonely feeling is because there isn't another person on this earth except for YOU who understands what a mother feels when she loses a child - no matter how old the child is. We can't really expect others to truly get it. Please don't think you are alone. People who say they "care" or are "there for you" really just don't know what to do because they cannot fully understand your agony.

No, your lives will never be the same, mine will never be the same, nor will the lives of the parents who are losing their children each and every day, all over this country and the world. But you can have a peaceful life knowing that Adam could not be in a better place, he no longer suffers, and last but not least, your Adam will never have to endure the pain and grief of losing you, his father, or anyone else he is close to. I hope that brings you some peace of mind.

Love and hugs. I will pray for you as July 23rd approaches.

Phyllis

 

Thanks KER and Sandy: KER, I hope so very much you are still clinging to the promise of being reunited with your Angel, just as I am. I truly believe that we will all see our Angels again. All of God's Angels are home, safe and sound.

Sandy, you have truly been on my mind; I see your anniversary date is tomorrow. I will pray for your comfort and strength as well. Try to focus on the celebration of Adam's life - do not dwell on the reasons he is no longer with you. Your Adam is in the greatest place anyone can be. Let's all remember.....God is in control - not us.

Love, prayers and hugs to all.

Phyllis

 

Hi everyone, I am new to this site...like I joined today! My son Luke died March 29th 2014 & it's still a nightmare to me/us his family. It was a total accident but still he died of an overdose of cocaine. He was at the happiest time of his life, a new baby girl who was 7 months old, he was getting married to Sian his fiancé in November 2014...of course there never was a Wedding for Sian or for me or for that matter Luke. I waited his whole 31 years to watch him get married. Now his fiancé has since moved on with a nice guy and Jayda Rose is 4 years old this Aug 29th...everything good & bad happens on the 29th of any month now. I have good and bad days, but I went to a party Saturday night (a hens party) got really smashed & ended up crying my eyes out- like I couldn't stop crying. So today I decided I have to see a grief counsellor really soon...then I came across this site on Facebook. So here I am in the club of broken hearts, a club I wish I had never heard of in my life, a club where parents lose their beloved sons and daughters of all ages. I send all my love to all you broken hearted people, like myself who sometimes really getting out of bed is a chore, getting dressed is hard, going shopping is harder & so forth. Luke is in my head 24/7 and always in my heart forever, I was blessed to have a beautiful caring son, who I believe only did cocaine recreationally, the last time killed him.

 

I just lost my beautiful daughter tonight. She died of a heroine overdose. My son found her and tried cpr for 5 minutes before paramedics arrived. He know immediately it was too late. I am so sad and scared for my son and the trauma he experienced. I just don’t know what to do.

 

I am so very sorry to hear that you lost your daughter. We had a very similar experience when my husband and I found our 30 year old son unconscious...it was too late to revive him...and in that moment our lives changed forever. I will keep you and your son in my prayers for strength and healing.

 

Hi everyone and responding especially to Sandy - same story for my husband and I who lost our 30 year old son to opiods and an accidental overdose also involving fentanyl. We lost him on December 3, 2015 - so coming up soon to 2 years. We remain anguished and forever changed by this loss. At times I do feel he was released from suffering - so complicated to put into words. I miss him so much and yet I saw him being overtaken by drugs and it was as if we were losing him in front of our eyes - a little at a time. He seemed to be beyond our grasp - with glimpses of his true personality at other times. Love to all.

 

Hi - responding to Mike's Dream- thank you for sharing your story. Sadly we experienced a very similar situation in the loss of our sons - and share a very painful bond. Our lives are forever changed and the pain never seems to subside. But I do understand what you expressed about your son being released from his suffering. As difficult as it is, we felt the same way seeing the drugs control him in such a powerful way. It was anguish to watch our amazing son slip away from us - and we felt helpless in the battle. But as you said, there were moments when we saw him as the incredible young man he truly was. We longed to have him back... We have to believe that his struggles are over now. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Sending love.

 

Dear Sandy18 - thank you for your kind response. May God bless you and your loved ones. It is comforting to be understood.

 

I haven't checked in here for a while.....still tough to do......but you are all on my mind as we face another holiday season without our loved ones. Christmas is so difficult for so many people. My heartfelt wishes go out to you all, that we make it through another milestone. Blessings to all of you, my fellow sisters and brothers in grief.......

 

Hello, my name is Cecilia Fernandez. My husband and I lost our son to an opioid overdose on Thanksgiving Day this year. He had been clean for almost 7 months. We had just talked to him the day before. Our son was 29 years old. We had so many plans for our future together. We really felt like this time was it! Our son was going to remain clean and sober and we were going to make up for so much lost time with him in our retirement home in Tulum, MX. I’m so hurt and angry because we had so many plans! It so hard for me to cope with the realty of his untimely death. I cry every single day and miss him so much. The pain is so unbearable. We have an older son and each other. Our love for each other is immense. I know that Inhave to be strong for them. It’s just so hard. I pray to God that I get better soon. I must accept the fact that my baby boy is in heaven and at peace...our guardian angel

 

I’m so sorry for your loss! I lost my son’s father in November. He was off and on drugs for about 9 years. He was finally succumbed by his addiction and I was shocked to learn Fentanyl was the cause. He wasn’t out looking for it, I think the drug was laced. I’m still so devastated and am having trouble coping.

 

I’m so sorry, my son’s father passed from the same thing the day before hugs and prayers

 

That’s also how my son’s father died it truly is an epidemic.