Dealing with multiple losses and secondary losses

Discussion in 'Dealing With Multiple Losses' started by Rhonda Dugan, Mar 28, 2019.

  1. Rhonda Dugan

    Rhonda Dugan New Member

    Just sharing my story. We all have one. Hugs to each of you!
    2018 was not my year. In 2015 my mom was diagnosed with Korsakoff Syndrome Dementia. I've been her caregiver since then. In February 2018 I lost an aunt (married to one of my mom's brother's since way before I came along.
    On June 12th my whole world crumbled, as my husband had a heart attack while driving, 3 miles from his shop, shortly after midnight. I was called and told to come to the emergency room at 2:37 a.m I get to the E R just after 3 a.m. and still wasn't told anything. I was led down a series of halls, then the nurse stopped and pointed down another long hallway and said the door at the end on the right. I walk in COMPLETELY unprepared for my husband just lying there cold!!!!!! He was pronounced at 1:10 a.m. and NO ONE told me. They let me walk in and find that out on my own. 5 days later on Father's Day, his children decided to come over, we were all very close and I was touchedthey wanted to with me on that rough day. I WAS WRONG! They decided to take everything they wanted from his music room, tool shed, closet etc. I begged them to stop. To leave certain things. Nothing I said mattered. And then they informed me that as the house was his before we married it goes to them (LA Napoleonic Law)
    So while nothing was making any sense, and nothing really mattered, here comes July 31st, my mom's brother (the husband to the aunt above) passed away. He was like a dad to me when I was younger.
    Then comes September 8th. My husband's children served me eviction papers!! I had 60 days to figure life out. For me and my mom.
    October 21st my 6 month old granddaughter passed away from SIDS. I'm still packing for my upcoming eviction!!!
    So that's it in a nutshell. I NEVER want a repeat of 2018.
    April 5th would have been the granddaughter's 1st birthday. April 8th would have been my 5th anniversary (married) 7th total, now the 12th will be 10 months since I got locked on this roller coaster!! Thanks for reading
  2. griefic

    griefic Administrator Staff Member

    Rhonda, I am so very sorry for all you've had to go through. Unfortunately I find most people aren't dealing with "just" one loss - and one loss would be more than enough. To have the family issues and other losses happening at the same time, it can be hard to know where to turn for support. I'm glad you are here and hope you can find some welcome and comfort in our supportive community of grievers. Please take care of yourself, I know it's not easy, but I do hope some of what you are going through can get better in the days ahead~
    Enigma likes this.
  3. marsha

    marsha New Member

  4. marsha

    marsha New Member

    Dear Rhonda, I am new to this site, and am grateful to have it found it! I am so very very sorry for your many losses of those you Loved Sooo Much. I also have over the past few years experienced 6 losses of my siblings and best friend.... with two of my losses just recently. I truly understand your grief and pain. However, I do not believe that you are "locked on this roller coaster". I pray you make time to find your way, to continue to heal and now to find a new residence with your Loving Mom. I am on this site for the same reasons you are.....I personally find Great Joy in the Outstanding Loving Lifelong Memories that I was blessed to have created with my now Heavenly Angels. They always said that I was their Hero and their Earth Angel....Fact be known.....THEY WERE MINE! I miss them all so very much!
    Please take Good Care of Yourself--Perhaps, once you and your Mom get settled in your new Home....You will be able to take a nice (very needed) little break away on a vacation together. ONE STEP AT A TIME-SWEETHEART! --God Bless You---
  5. Teri Lancaster

    Teri Lancaster New Member

    I am so sorry about your losses. Mine are so different and yet I think everyone that is experiencing grief have so many things in common. The biggest is dealing with the loss. I am experiencing more grief than I have ever felt at this time. It helps to know there are others out there experiencing the same type of grief. And to say that makes me feel bad because other peoples grief shouldn't make me feel better about mine. My heart grieves for pyou and everyone who is feeling even a portion of what I feel. My prayers are with you and I hope you feel soon.