Dad was a fighter. All his life. His childhood was tough. He was one of the oldest so he fought to feed his younger siblings. He fought in the war. He fought to keep his 6 kids fed and well cared for. He went through kidney dialysis and got a kidney. His fought with his heart. He had open heart in november and he was battling back. He had just graduated to a hospital for rehab and they left him in bed for too long. He died within 2 days of being there. He went from getting up with help 3 times a day and eating and rehabbing to dying. I am glad i was there through it all. Not the last two days though. My brother had gotten i to a car accident while we were there (2 hours away from home). My mother was there but very sick. I took my eyes off dad to help them and he died. Im trying to come to terms with it. He died on dec 9th. That was a saturday. My mom goes to the er on that tuesday...fighting for her life. They couldnt get a pressure on her. But after a week in the hospital and a delayed funeral for dad, she got out. We had the funeral for dad friday and christmas was monday. I have been so busy with moms health because she is in a fight to live now too...and setting up her finances..the will...the bills and my kids. I have barely begun dealing with my loss. People think that because i was with my dad for surgery that i had my time to grieve. The truth is i was preparing to bring him home to recover. I was surprised by his death. So no...i didnt have time to grieve him. And who says two months is enough time to grieve??? Im fine during the day because it is so busy. But at night i fall apart. It hurts to breathe even. Mom has me going through his things already because we have to get the house ready for my aunt to move in. I couldnt get rid of his stupid combs. He was always losing them and there is a drawer full of them. I couldnt get rid of them. Watching my brothers go through his clothes was torture. Its so wrong that he isnt going to wear them anymore. But i know its what he would have wanted. The rest of his clothes are going to a shelter except his tshirts. My aunt makes memory quilts. I kept some of his favorite church shirts too. It will work in the quilt. I feel like everyone is expecting me to get over it already and i havent even had time to accept he is gone yet. My dad and i were best buds. I was his only girl. He depended on me a lot. He made me promise i would see that mom was taken care of and i am. I just miss him so much. Its been tough but i am sure you all know that. I dont know what else to say. Im just lost i guess.
