Can you move on after losing your soulmate?

Thank you, Helen. Linda's shrine gives me
a sense of peace, and Linda would've
loved it. She enjoyed decorating our
small apartment for every holiday. The
decorations depressed me, however, so I
donated them. Except for the shrine, I
keep my apartment, a different one than
my wife & I shared, free of clutter. Lou

 

Bravo, brother Gary, for that last powerful
sentence. You captured my thoughts
exactly. I won't accept anything less. Lou

 

Thank you brother Lou. And thanks for sharing what your therapist said about remembering common quotes of our beloveds. I wonder if she knows how many people she has helped by what you have shared here? It reminded me of my beloved Cheerful Cheryl saying “uh huh” slowly and softly as if she was singing it to me. Gary

 

Oh Gary,

I have so often wondered similar things. Did I hug Steve enough? Did we dance enough? Did I tell him that I loved him enough? Did we kiss and hold hands enough? These questions can be a torment. Hearing you speak this helps me to realize that it can never be enough. I’m still fully committed to Steve. I can’t imagine it any other way, except that I can hear Steve telling me that I am married to a ghost. How do we let go of this? I hate the thought of you tormenting yourself. ❤️
Deborah A.

 

Deb, I'm occasionally tortured that I didn't
hug & kiss Linda enough when she was in
the hospital, and then, in the rehab unit of
a nursing home, where she had to
undergo PT ( which she hated). I was too
busy running around , getting her water
& ginger ale, talking with the nurses and
dietary staff. One day, after sobbing
uncontrollably , with guilt, in the
living room/ home office of my
psychiatric nurse practitioner/ grief
counselor, she kindly pointed out that
Linda knew I loved her, and was there
for her right before she collapsed, and
later died, in front of me. But, as I said
recently, I felt a pang of guilt when I
went out dancing ( with women Linda
never knew, in a place she'd never been).
She always wanted for us to dance, but I
was a stubborn jerk, and wanted to stay
home. As DEB would say, F*CK MR.
GRIEF( Karen's term), and I would add
F*CK MR. GUILT, bc it doesn't do us any
good. Lou

 

Wow, Gary! You expressed so beautifully and eloquently exactly how I feel. Sending you a virtual hug right now! Helen

 

Lou,
Unfortunately, I am not close to any body of water The weather here is wonderful pretty much year-around, but it is a high desert, which means it is very dry. So, not only do I not have a body of water nearby but it is not overly green either. Sort of a dusky grey-green. But with temps in the 70s & 80s every day, I really can't complain! I do love getting back to Florida and when I'm there, I spend hours on the balcony, watching the birds and the fish and all of the boats going out for a day of fishing. And Bruce is with me then.
Helen

 

Thanks for info,Helen. I'm an ocean guy.
Others love the mountains, others love
the desert. I have a friend who loves
living on the desert in New Mexico. My
music hero, Frank Sinatra, made his
home in the desert community of
Palm Springs,California. Lou