Helen,
I'm so glad you've become a GW!!!, TUTTAM!!! You express yourself beautifully, and have given me lots to think about. Like you, Lou and others, even though I know I should never say NEVER!!!, I NEVER!!! want to get married again. Unlike you and Lou, I need to work on myself more, be happy with who I've morphed into since Bob's death, satisfied with my life, before I can think about having any sort of relationship again. I need to feel "whole," without Bob (physically) with me. The way I feel as of this minute, is if it's in God's plan for me, then I will be in another relationship, even if that relationship happens before I think I'm ready. (Hope the last sentence makes sense. I'm way beyond frazzled tonight, but that's for an entirely different post.)
I'm working on taking the very best care of myself I possibly can, becoming the very best version of myself, and reaching my goal of taking Skye to nursing homes, assisted living facilities, or hospitals, to bring comfort, and smiles to people's faces. When it's my time to leave earth, I want to feel that the part of my life I was forced to spend without Bob (physically) with me, had meaning, that in some small way, I helped to make this world a better place. Living my life to the fullest extent possible is the very best way I can think of to honor Bob's memory. I want more than anything else for him to be proud of me.
OTOH, I can (almost) hear Bob saying, "Go out there, find another man who makes you happy. I don't want you to be alone, and lonely..." Bob talked about this with me way before he passed away, but what he didn't understand, is that it's much more complicated than this.
I took off my wedding ring soon after Bob's death. For me, it was a way too painful reminder, of the wonderful life we shared together, but can no longer have. I keep it in the top draw of the nightstand next to my bed. Whenever I take it out, I burst into tears... Sometimes I wish I had it on because I don't want anyone to think that I might be available.
Way off subject, Skye is driving me bonkers. She wants to go for her before bedtime walk. Unfortunately, she's definitely part hunting dog (I'm guessing both her parents were hunting breeds) from the way she behaves at night. She tries to go after every critter she sees or hears, losing interest in the reason why we're outside. Last night, after one hour of walking around the block a zillion times at a snail's pace, and a little over 2 miles later, SUCCESS!!!, she found just the right piece of real estate to use for her personal toilet. A major miracle!!!, TUTTAM!!!
I wouldn't mind our night time walks if I didn't live in an area surrounded by lagoons. It's almost gator mating season. This is the time of year when the gators go from lagoon to lagoon, in search of the perfect mate. Gators are masters of camouflage. They do lots of their searching at night or at dawn. They walk along the sidewalks and roads. It's so SCARY!!!, TUTTUM!!! Gators usually won't bother people, but to them, no matter the size, dogs are a delicacy.
Enough of this. Going to get this night time walk over with ASAP!!! Got to be brave...
As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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