Bubble popped - loss of my Fiancée

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Manictokyo84, Apr 11, 2023.

  1. Manictokyo84

    Manictokyo84 New Member

    We lived in our own little bubble. We didn't need anyone else. The neighborhood is awful and we were looking to move by October to a safer space. Tyler and the kids have been the center of my universe for the past 5 years.

    Tyler passed away March 20th 2023. I had gone to put my son down for a nap and walked over to Tyler my fiancée to check in on him since he hadn't been feeling great. He was 3 months sober. If you knew him you knew what a big deal this is since he only drank 99proof all day long.

    The blanket was on the floor and he had two fans running so the coldness of his skin didn't seem strange. Only after the 3rd pat on his back and repeating his name to no prevail I realized something was very wrong. I was too late to do anything but while on the phone with 911 I rolled him on his back and attempted CPR.. I am trained.. but i couldn't do compressions, his hands were frozen to his chest.

    This man I am still so in love with, The father or my 15month old son, stepfather to my daughter... he is gone!!!

    I will never feel his arms hold me, I will never be surprised by another sneaky kiss, I will never hear him say my name or the full hearted laugh we shared. He will never dance to make me smile on my low days, he won't be able to teach my son to play football as he did in college.

    We never made it down the aisle together.

    I DO wear you ashes close to my heart
    I DO Still tell you out loud I love you every day
    I DO have plans to share your last name as our son does
    I DO wish you were with me every breath I take.
  2. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. Its recent too so please don't be hard on yourself. Take deep breaths and get as much fresh air as possible. Let your kids be your motivation. I have two kids also and its been 3 years since losing my Gant. I no how hard this journey is going to be but you're stronger than you realize. You are here for support so that speaks volume. It helps talking to people that get where you coming from.
    Gary166, Manictokyo84, Rose69 and 3 others like this.
  3. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    My dear. "Manic....", so very sorry to hear
    about the death of your young fiance &
    father of your son. Your story of finding
    your fiance dead, and trying to do mouth
    to mouth to save him, is truly heartbreaking. I agree with Nicole
    ( "Sweetcole") that you've come to the
    right place, with people who "get it".
    My wife, Linda, died right in front of me,
    at 68, after 25 years of marriage. I've
    written these words many times when
    welcoming new members like you. But,
    just now, I read them again, and shook
    my head, bc after 4 years , I still can't
    believe Linda is no longer by my side
    physically. My grief is not as intense
    like yours, but it still comes unexpectedly
    like the waves of the ocean where I live ,
    on the northern coast of Massachusetts.
    I see that you live in Florida , the only
    member whodoes. I'm sorry you live in
    an unsafe neighborhood, and were planning to move. I hope you get some
    help to move soon. Thank you for being
    brave in saying Tyler's name. May I ask your first name? I chose Van Gogh as my
    user name, bc after Linda died, I identified
    with the great, but tortured painter. My
    name is Lou.
  4. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for the loss of your fiancé and how you found him. I can’t even imagine going through that. You did everything you could to try to save him. You’re right that the wonderful life you shared with Tyler is changed forever. But Tyler will always be a part of your life. He’s a part of you and that stays forever. I lost my husband very suddenly to a massive heart attack over 4 years again like Lou who lost his Linda in the same time frame. My husband Ron had no health issues. He wasn’t feeling well one evening and things changed very fast. I called 911 and in 2 hours I was told they couldn’t save him. Each time I think of that night I relive those feelings and feel the desperation and torture again. We were married 41 wonderful years. We were each other’s life. Like you we didn’t need anyone else. You will always love Tyler I can tell you that. I thank Ron for his love every day and for all he taught me that helps me through each day. He is part of my heart and I feel his presence every day. I get signs from him every day. I don’t know if you believe in that but watch for little things. It helps me more then I can even express. Like Sweetcole mentioned, fresh air does more then you realize. Get outside even if just for a moment every day. Remember to not only care for your children but also yourself. Write things down, because right now your mind isn’t thinking straight it helps more then you realize. I hope you have family and friends to support you. By joining GIC you now have a large community of people who understand everything you’re going through and are here to offer support, love and kindness. Never judgement. Moving might be harder now that your last memories with Tyler are where you currently live. But you had made the decision together to find a safer area. So it’s what Tyler would want for you. Don’t push yourself too hard keep your children close and feel their love as they feel yours. We are all stronger then we realize. Your loss is so very recent just do what you need for your children and you. You’re very vulnerable right now , this is a long journey that’s full of mountains and valleys. We’re all here to help support you. You’re important, take care of you. Tyler will be with you always, just in a different way. Sending you love and hugs. Robin
  5. Manictokyo84

    Manictokyo84 New Member

    My name is Natalie. Thank you for your kind words <3
    Gary166, Rose69, Sweetcole and 2 others like this.
  6. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Natalie we are here for you. Visit this site often even if just to read. It does help. Reply when you feel you can.
  7. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Natalie, thank you so much for saying
    your name, as well as Tyler's. As you can
    see, my good friend, Robin ( RLC ) already
    welcomed and comforted you. Her husband, Ron, died about the same time
    as my wife, Linda, right before Thanksgiving, 2018. Even though I've
    been happier recently, not crying every
    morning like I did before, and even
    going out dancing with both male and
    female friends, I decided to rejoin a
    widowed persons group this afternoon.
    I had left the group the 1st time, bc it
    was too soon after Linda's death, I was
    the only guy, and didn't feel comfortable.
    I was greeted by familiar faces, when I
    walked in with my friend, whose 2nd
    wife died a year ago. But, when we
    greeted a new guy, he was crying, and I
    put my hand on his shoulder and cried,
    too. I feel drained & tired now, but I'm
    committed to participating in this group
    every other Wed. Glad you're staying
    with us , Natalie. Lou
    RLC, Gary166 and Rose69 like this.
  8. Daisy171

    Daisy171 Well-Known Member

    Van Gogh likes this.