I MAY NOT BE ON THIS SIGHT FOR AWHILE, TYPING WITH ONE ARM. BUT I READ EVERYONE'S POST. ONE DAY I WAS LOOKING AT MY HUSBANDS PICTURES AFTER 8 MONTHS OF HIS DEATH. I GOT DRUNK, FELL AND BROKE MY ARM. PAYING THE PRICE OF LETTING GRIEVING CONSUME ME. PLEASE BE CAREFUL. GRIEF IS NEGATIVE, I HATE IT. IT CAN DESTROY YOU IF YOU LET IT. WE GRIEVE, OUR LOVE ONE IS OUT OF PAIN IN OUR CREATORS PARADISE. WE SUFFER. WE HAVE TO LEARN TO LIVE WITHOUT OUR LOVE ONE. I KNOW MY JACK WOULD BE VERY SAD FOR ME THAT I LET THIS HAPPEN. SO, KEEP EATING, PRAYING FOR STRENGTH, AND BE CAREFUL. KAREN
First, sending lots of hugs your way... I'm so sorry to hear you broke your arm. I hope it heals as quickly and as painlessly as possible!!! I think you mentioned in previous posts, that you have good neighbors (I have widow brain to the max lately!), and that one of Jack's good friend's lives near you. Please let them help in as many ways as they possibly can, so you can concentrate on healing. I agree that grieving is the most negative experience imaginable. Please be gentle with yourself. Your feelings are your feelings, trying to hide or run from them won't help. Eventually they'll catch up with you, and you'll be forced to deal with them. I find myself traveling deeper and deeper into my grief journey. The pain is becoming more unbearable (if this is even possible.) However, I know my husband, and I truly believe your husband, Jack, would want us to find meaning, a purpose in life that fulfills us, contentment, peace, and (hopefully) happiness again (although right now I can't imagine this). Sadly, in order to accomplish these things, we have to make it to the end of our miserable journeys without letting our grief destroy us. In order to avoid being swallowed up by grief until there's nothing left of me, I try to keep to a schedule. I start each day by finding something to be grateful for, I write about my feelings in a journal (just recently started doing this), force myself to get up, get dressed, eat breakfast every single day, and try to take as many walks as possible during the week. (Unfortunately it's been impossible lately because of lots of rain and extreme heat.) In addition to this site, I found a wonderful bereavement support group, and attend weekly meetings. I've gone out for lunch several times with a couple of people in my support group, and next weekend, another person in my support group invited everyone over his house for a BBQ. The BBQ is going to be difficult for me. It will be the first time I'm going to a social event without my husband. I'm (almost) positive something will trigger those uncontrollable tears. However, everyone at the BBQ is in the same shoes I'm in, so it makes it easier. I still hate being in my house, it still triggers the same memories from the last night my husband was alive. The bathroom door is still closed. I feel like I have PTSD. I'm still doing lots of "window shopping" on the days when I need to escape, when emotionally I'm too fragile to handle the total heartbreak of all those miserable memories popping in and out of my mind, powerless to stop them. I still spend way too much time on the couch, crying, a box of tissues by my side, my best friend. I still have way too many sleepless nights. I'm trying so hard not to let grief destroy me. Please take good care of yourself. Together, we will make it to the end of our miserable journeys. Sending lots more hugs your way... Wishing you peace, praying for peace for all of us.
I'm sorry for your loss. Im praying for your strength. I hope you heal soon. We definitely can't let grief consume us. Got to try to.do.what we can in our new norm. Take care of yourself
Karen, just read your broken arm story, and identified with it. I'm so sorry about your extreme sadness over the death of your husband. A year after my wife died suddenly, 2 and a half years ago, I drank, stayed out late. and got the flu twice, because my immune system was low. Drinking made me more depressed, and caused me to cry even more. My grief counselor suggested I give up alcohol, and I did. I feel stronger physically, and less depressed, in general. But, I need a group like Grief in Common, because I still cry every morning before I walk outside. I think I'm getting a little better at using this site. I hope that you and others will reply to me. Thank you. Van Gogh
Dear Karen, your Broken Arm story was deeply moving. As a widower of 2 and a half years, I felt a kinship with you. I replied to you, but I'm still learning the ropes of this site. Hope we can comfort each other & others. Thank you. Van Gogh
THANK U DEBI. YOU ARE PROGRESSING WELL, GETTING OUT. I HOPE TO BE ABLE TO GET OUT AFTER MY ARM HEALS. CANT DRIVE, HOT WEATHER KEEPS ME IN. DEPRESSION BIG TIME.
Karen, thank you for acknowledging my reply to you. It must be awful to be stuck at home with your broken arm, in the heat. I've been going out for meals lately, bc the winter can be desolate. I've been depressed & have been sad to come home to an empty apartment. On the other hand, I'm not sure about being with another woman. Van Gogh
Two places: the friendly Cheers-like bar which welcomed me. I don't drink now, but I have dinner at the bar, see old friends, and meet new ones. The other place is a pier, with shops, art galleries, and people, who love that we live in a small, seaside town, where we care about each other. I moved here after my wife died, so we didn't go to these places. I'm trying to start a new life, but it might be nice to share it with a new woman, but she would never "replace" my wife. Van Gogh
YES, A NEW PERSON WILL NEVER REPLACE OUR LOVE ONES. BUT IT WOULD BE NICE TO SHARE WITH A COMPANION. SEEMS YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT PLACE. ENJOY YOUR LITTLE SEASIDE PARADISE. THANK U.
