It was two years on 2/02 /22 that I lost my wife to cancer.It’s still truly unbelievable ,never thought I would lose her at 59.I of course miss her ,will always want her back ,it still seems so unfair . I wonder how others feel at the same time at the two year mark.Her birthday is 2/25 and was also wondering how others deal with this.I feel it’s a day of celebration despite her not being here to get to celebrate with us,and sadness also for sure.l actually thank God for her parents for getting together and producing a wonderful daughter.It’s the one day that some happiness will happen for sure.As for the rest ,this is hard hard crap.Anger still is an issue ,don’t cry as much for I can’t put myself through it no more ,loneliness for sure,how to even comprehend the future when it’s all you can do to make it through the day.Wondering why why was it us,I hate that we are all here but am thankful for all of you for sharing your heartbreak.Be strong and very courageous.
Tom, I feel so bad about the very sad 2 year anniversary of your wife's death, My wife died, suddenly, in front of me, 3 years ago. I remember how I was at the 2 year mark. I was not doing well: staying out late, drinking more, & getting MORE depressed. My grief counselor suggested I stop drinking, & I did. I'm doing so much better physically & emotionally. I still miss my wife, Linda, every day, & even dream about her. Sometimes, I wake up from a dream, & realize she's not next to me, physically, ever again, & get both angry &.sad, & cry a little, but without the intense weeping I used to do. It is good to see that you're still with us on GIC. I check on my friends on this site every morning when I wake up, & every night before I go to sleep. Welcome back to the band of brother widowers: Gary, George, Chad,& myself, as well as the very kind widows from all over our country. Lou
Tom, one thing that's helped me on Grief in Common, is that I wrote down the names of other members and their spouses. I wrote down yours & that of your wife, Gina, when I realized you were still with us on this site. I have become close with my other brothers here, & we check on each other, especially during this tough winter of isolation & loneliness. Gary, in Indiana, and George, in Illinois, are experiencing depression, being cooped up inside like I am, during snowstorms. I live on the northern coast of Massachusetts, as you may recall. I was depressed & missed my wife . I see by your info that you live in Ohio, so you know what I mean about winter. Our youngest brother, Chad, lives in Texas, & wishes he could send the heat & sunshine to us. I also see that you & Gina loved the outdoors, that she liked to garden, & you both liked to golf, What struck me most all, is that you called your wife, a "warrior". I felt that way about Linda, who fought valiantly to the end. I choke up when I write this. One day, I came up with a name for all of us on GIC: The Grief Warriors (TGW). I'm glad you came back, Tom. Lou
Tom it’s good to see your post. I’m sorry you have to go through two sad anniversaries in a row. it’s like a double whammy. I lost my cheerful Cheryl 9 1/2 months ago but have found some relief from reading the book permission to mourn by Tom Zuba. 61 years ago a beautiful spirit took residence in Gina’s body. Two years ago that beautiful spirit was called back to the place of its origin. I agree with you that it is a celebration. I have hope of keeping a nonphysical relationship going with Cheryl till my time is up. It takes guidance practice commitment and a vivid imagination. I’m in therapy and reading some good books that help too. Daily communication with my brothers and sisters on GIC is the best though. Take care brother Tom. Gary
Gary, great to see you on here this am, greeting Tom. I told him how glad I was that he stayed with us on GIC. I hope he will join our brotherhood. The long, dark winter has been hard for us, who live in cold climates. Tom would understand, living in Ohio. The winter, for me, has been a struggle of loneliness & isolation, especially after being sick. I was even sadder not to have Linda physically by my side. We took care of each other. But, now, it's almost March, spring will be here. With that will be sunshine, blue skies, & walking outside in nature. Bc of the hardships of New England winters, the other seasons are sweet. Lou
Thanks Lou. I couldn’t agree more about the negative emotional/physical affects of the winter. This brutal winter just keeps hanging on. I experienced a deep state of loneliness last night followed by the reality of how cut off I am from most family and friends. Luckily I have zoom meetings and captured enough hope to sustain. You’re response to our brother Tom was very up lifting. Gary
Thanks, Gary, you are also great at welcoming members, past & present. I was depressed last night at the prospect of another snowstorm today. Even when Linda was alive & with me, I didn't like storms for keeping us trapped inside. Before Linda became ill, I made train reservations to Florida. We thought we'd try it for a year & possibly relocate, especially since we have no family, or friends up North. We had traveled around Florida & enjoyed it. It was a very sad day in Linda's hospital room, when she told me to cancel the trip. It makes me too sad, so "I'll stop" for now, as Deb would say. Thank God for TGW. Lou
My name is Chad and I lost my Love Lizzy last year in late October. It's only been. A few months for me and I still cry pretty much every day. Last month was our 9th year wedding anniversary and earlier this month was my birthday. It has been a bit rough the past few weeks. I do like your idea of a day celebration on your wife's birthday. I plan on visiting my wife's sister in Cali on her birthday in July. My goal is to find some to smile at with the tears. -Chad
Chad, thank you for reaching out to Tom. I told him I was glad he stayed with us on GIC, so he could talk about his grief over the death of his wife & soulmate, Gina. Like you, in my first year of mourning for Linda, I cried every day. Now, 3 years later, I get choked up occasionally, when Mr. Grief shows up unexpectedly. Everyone is different. I chose not to celebrate Linda 's birthday, & took a walk outside in nature. Her birthday was in October, so it was a lot nicer than in winter. We liked the colors of the trees here in New England. Your idea to visit Lizzy's sister in Ca. is a good one. Lou
