I get the same way when sorting through belongings. Some days I feel okay and other days I do 10 minutes and It is so depressing I have to have a break from it.
"surf this ocean of grief " I like that !! It is difficult not having our someone to share the daily events with but keep on finding reasons to laugh out loud !! Dan
It's been 4 months now since I lost my wife. I just thought last week that I was ready to gather her clothes for Goodwill and trash. I opened 1 drawer, picked up a shirt, remembered her wearing it, and broke down and cried. My daughters said they would do it for me but haven't yet. It's an overwhelming job. No need to rush yourself. I know I won't try again for a while.
Hi Barry So sorry for your loss, It’s only been 4months since you lost your wife, that is so soon for you to think about giving her cloths away, My husband past away 2 yrs ago and I haven’t gotten rid of anything if his, Iknow we are all different in how we grieve but I am not surprised you broke down when seeing her cloths in the drawer, Please give yourself some time to grieve her loss it’s such a life changer when we lose our partner and best friend, take care Barry With understanding Christine
My husband passed on 11/21, his water cup is still on his nightstand, slippers where he last left them, pj pants on the floor <because he could never put laundry in the basket lol> jackets hung up. I can't bring myself to move them. I told myself tonight, I have to realize he is not coming back. I need to do something with his belongings. I plan to keep certain clothing. I finally removed his loofah from shower and toothbrush from sink, they just started to make me mad to see.
I started reading this thread now and am glad i did. The posts are from years ago but what they say is relevant today. I found parts of it that made me sad, parts that encouraged me to move forward, parts that gave me permission to reminisce about that "past life" and yes parts that made me smile. Thanks to all who posted here. This shows you never know when or how your words will affect someone. HUGs
Hi Ainie I’m extending my condolences to you and your family now in 2025. I’m new here and just surfing the posts people write so I can send a reply or click the like button. I also have been dealing with the dilemma of parting with his clothing since he died 6 years ago. My mother and my daughter both told me that I should donate all his stuff to Goodwill cuz someone else can get use out of his stuff. I refuse to part with any of his clothing and jackets cuz it’s all I have physically left of him. He has his own closet here - it’s called the Richie closet and I still have the clothing he was wearing on the night he died- it’s all wrapped up in plastic zip bags in a cardboard box. I also have his wallet, a few wrist watches, his driver license which has been expired, his social security card and his birth certificate which is mine to keep. Change his office into your studio cuz this is what he would want you to do.
Hi Amy you don’t have to part with any of your husband’s belongings if you don’t to. Good thing you removed his loofah and toothbrush out of the bathroom cuz they both probably had a ton of bacteria on them. I refuse to part with any of my husband’s clothing or his jackets cuz it’s all that I have physically left of him. My mom and my daughter both told me to donate all of his stuff to Goidwill cuz someone else can get use of his stuff. I still have the clothing he was wearing on the night that he died- it’s wrapped in plastic bags in a cardboard box. I have my husband’s ashes stored in a gray marble urn which sits on the bottom shelf of my entertainment center and put 2 good pictures of him while he was healthy along side of the urn.
I am dealing with the same thing. My wife told me to give her clothes away to charity, much of it was unworn at the time of her death. The chair in the living room and her little table of items she used daily is something I cannot touch right now as it feels as if I would be erasing her if I do. I have bought some archival boxes that are tightly sealable and a large legal pad, I am planning on putting those items in the boxes exactly as they were organized with long loving notes about how I saw her use the items and what they meant to her and notes about what she meant to me. I am making an archival space for the boxes in the basement near my office area, where I can visit them often and read my notes to her and cry and remember. Over time when I am gone, maybe other people will read the notes too and see that she lived and remember her, too.
Hi JTAsher how are you? Hope you’re having a good New Year so far. My condolences to you and your family for the loss of your beloved wife. I like your way of how you’re expressing your feelings on paper as to how you felt about how your saw your beloved wife use those certain items she used to use and what they meant to her and you writing long notes about what she meant to you - it’s a beautiful way to remember her and that you can look back on your writings as much as you want and whether or not you’ll cry or you’ll smile when reading those long notes which you will have packed away for all time. As far as the chair in the living room and her little table of items she used daily is something you don’t have to make a decision as to what to do with them right now or you can leave them all right where they’re at. I’m going through the same thing when it comes to my husband’s belongings. Since my husband passed away 6.5 years ago, I’ve kept and refuse to give away what I have left of his tshirts, a few long sleeves shirts, his thermal socks and his thermal underwear, all of his gloves and his winter face mask hats and his big beige cardhart jacket which I bought him for Christmas back in 2010 all of which sit in my bedroom closets near my bed which I named “the Richie closet.” In December 2025, I finally got up the nerve and go thru his closet and threw 2 of his coats away because they no longer fit me since I’ve gained weight over the years- the rest of his stuff will remain in my “Richie closet.”
Oh, I love that you’ve done that with the closet! Please accept my condolences, too. This is so hard, and I had a really down day today and had to reach out for help as I had so many triggers this week and no Shalane to give me strength to face the world. I do have Shalane little table folded and stored near our bedroom and her daily use items on that table and the end table in plastic boxes with notes, but I decided to stop there, maybe for forever and leave her chair and corner area alone. I look to my left in the living room and feel a comfort seeing those items and they will stay, even if I replace the chair, the corner shelf with her items will remain. Her unworn clothes are going to goodwill as she requested to help people, but all daily use stuff will be archived with love letters thanks so much for reaching out, I appreciate that encouragement!
