As the world turns and continues to spin

Discussion in 'Life After Caregiving' started by powiecakes, Mar 23, 2020.

  1. powiecakes

    powiecakes Member

    I recently began the grieving process. My mom passed away in 2016, and it has been a difficult adjustment for me. Before we knew she was sick my mom disappeared for two weeks, no one knew where she was or what happened to her. That was the first clue that she was not in her right mind. When my dad found her, he made sure she saw a doctor. 1 month after that she had a stroke, this happened in 2010. Immediately after she had her stroke I became her power of attorney for medical decisions. She told me as much as she could at the time in order to prepare me for being in charge of her health. 5 years passed by and even though my mom had four sons the load was put on me to make sure she was okay. I cannot begin to unpack all the emotions and overwhelming stress that went along with looking after her everyday for 5 years. In the beginning it was alright because she could still talk, walk, and do much for herself. After a second stroke, and being in a coma for two months everything continued down hill for her. To make a long story short I felt like and still feel stuck because none of my family seem to understand what happened to me while taking care of her. My brothers got married, one of them has a child on the way, two of them left the U.S., my dad started dating, and all in all the men in my family are in their own world. That isn't to say I haven't made changes because I left my home to pursue school. I stopped everything to be there for her and she still died after all she suffered, I just wish she would have let me stop her misery sooner. I know it sounds crazy that I wanted her die, but living that way in the last years of her life was not living at all. I am the one stuck with the memories and burden of having bad thoughts when all she wanted was to see us, and be with us for as long as she could. Anyway, the reason I wrote this post is to see if there was anyone with suggestions or comments on how to live passed death while everything around you spins even when you aren't moving.
  2. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member


    I wish I could take your heartache away, so very sorry for your loss. You carried a large burdon on your shoulders and you did it admirably. Being responsible for another person is an enormous task that also takes a toll on you as well.

    Don’t ever question your motives, I am sure life handed you many pitfalls along the way to now. You are only human, capable of feelings like most everyone who cares for someone. Sure we as a caretaker can question our motives at times, but honestly, you didn’t give up, you didn’t give in to selfish motives. You did an amazing job and you handled it notably.

    You are now faced with the grief and loss of your mother. Time will crawl some days, tears will be easier as we face our grief. You just need to take each day slowly. As you have a chance, talk, talk, talk. It doesn’t matter to who, but by opening up it helps to release your emotions you have had such strong turmoil with for so long.

    It won’t be easy, it wasn’t when I lost my mother. Just know that by your own words I can see you loved her very much. All those feelings you talked about are natural when you have no clear cut answers in life. Doubt is one thing we all face so many times in our lives.

    So please just make sure to try to get a good night's sleep, and take care of yourself. Read through the forums for others thoughts as well. Peace be with you tonight.

    This is an original song, written by J-Sol after the passing of his mother, the lyrics are included.

  3. powiecakes

    powiecakes Member

    Thank you for the kind words and the video. I appreciate your input and look forward to better days eventually, I know it takes time to grieve especially when it is for a person that is close to you.
    David Hughes likes this.
  4. David Hughes

    David Hughes Well-Known Member


    Thank you for the nice comment. I know while today, tomorrow and some days forward will be extremely hard to get through, just know that as you struggle with your emotions, shed tears, and wonder why things happen sometimes, it is just life and all we might face as we go forward.

    You take care of yourself, take faith in yourself as well. Peace be with you today and the days forward. I also hope as the days pass your mind eases from your sorrow.


    This is a song of love by a special artist, he could very well be calling his mother

  5. Patti 61

    Patti 61 Guest

    Hi Powiecakes, I have been off line for some time and just read your posting. First of all I want to say ," your Mom was so very Blessed having a wonderful Son as you." I understand fully what emotions one feels careing full time or part time for a loved one, in doing so it is our Great Love for them that enables us to do what we want to do and that which is needed.
    I lost my Husband Nov. 7 2016, to Parkinson's disease 24 years, his last nine years he wasn't able to do anything ; needing total care from me, I felt I was living two lives, I prayed many times days and nights, I am thankful for God giving me strength through all things. My husband and I were married 61 years, our 65th anniversary was last month May 19th.
    I miss him terribly, he lives forever in my heart.
    " I have learnt through the many years while taking care of him, why God gives us tears, it's HIS way of helping us to cope and give us the strength we need to push on.
    I don't know if you will get this reply to your posting, Lifted you in prayer. God Bless. Patti
    Sapphire449 likes this.