My sister passed in June 2021. She was ill for a few years but had a horrific last few months. She did not go gently at all. My grief is over layed with anger. I had been angry with her for years. She loved me as she sister but not as a friend. She was critical of most of what I did. She had a bad temper and was rough on others as well. I tried for years to gain her approval and often had it briefly, but it never lasted. I allowed her to blame me for things that were not my doing, just to have her forgive me. Growing up she was brighter and always did well. I had learning issues that were not defined at the time and was labeled as lazy. I thought she was smarter than I and always looked up to her. Waiting for a few crumbs of her attention was my goal as a child and even as adults, I wanted to have a real relationship with her. I once changed where I got my haircut just to go with her and she took a book, removing any possibility that we could chat. I know she loved me but treated me like a superior treats an underling. I made the mistake of telling some stories of this abuse to her kids and they no longer want to talk with me about her and I don't blame them. They don't want to know the details, although it would have been hard to disguise. Any suggestions to help me think myself out of this anger?
