And just like that, she's gone.

Hi, I'm going to turn 65 in a few days. In February I was diagnosed with cancer. My wife who had just turned 52 was going to take care of me. We just did our first Chemo treatment together on March 20th. 4 days later she left for work, and never came home again. At 10:00am on Friday the 24th, my son called. She passed out at work and was on the way to the hospital. She had a massive stroke, on both sides of the brain. They took her off life support yesterday, and she passed at 7:07 pm last night 3-29-23. Now it's just me, and my 19 year old son who just lost his mom, the poor kid. We are in a world of hurt. I have ton's of support, but I needed a place to vent, and learn. Right now, I'd diagnose how I feel as shock, PTSD, numbness, etc. My wife was my world. and just like that, she's gone.

 

Oh, my God, Auggie, my heart goes out
to you about the sudden death of your
dear soulmate & wife. May I ask her name?
I've found it helps to say the name of my
wife to honor her memory on and off
Grief in Common ( GIC). My wife, Linda,
died suddenly, in front of me , at 68.
We were married 25 yrs. No children.
I'm 73. Linda died over 4 yrs ago. I've
learned in my grief journey, that we never
"get over" the deaths of our soulmates.
How can we? They are part of who we
are. But, somehow we get "through
our grief" like our spouses wanted for us.
As Sinatra sings, in his sad ballad, Cycles,
" Life is meant for living......". I am praying
you recover from your cancer, and that
you & your son can give each other
comfort. I see you live in Massachusetts,
like I do. I live in the northern coast. The
ocean feeds my soul. Welcome to our
group, Auggie. Lou

 

Hi Lou, Her name is Michele.

 

Thank you, Auggie, I know it was tough for
you to say Michele's name so soon after her
death. My wife, Linda , died over 4 years
ago. Bc I had PTSD, also, and couldn't
sleep, I went to the ER, with suicidal
ideations. Upon discharge, I saw a kind
psychiatric nurse practitioner. At first ,
all I did was cry. She suggested Grief in
Common (GIC),but I wasn't ready until I
finally joined July, 2021, and I'm glad I
did. Do you live near the ocean? Lou
,

 

Oh my God Auggie I am terribly sorry for the sudden loss of your wife Michele. My name is Gary and I lost my girlfriend Cheryl suddenly to a cardiac arrest 22.5 months ago. Just like that she was gone for me too. Try to keep your medical appointments the best you can. Try to eat healthy food, drink, and rest the best you can. Take your meds and vitamins. Try to get fresh air. I found an in person grief support meeting with in 2 weeks after Cheryl transitioned but they only met bimonthly. It took me 5 months to find GIC where I can get daily support. I had been treated for cancer also and had a biochemical reoccurrence my following checkup after Cheryl transitioned. After a year of testing I took RT last summer. This week my labs reflect that I am cancer free. I’ve suffered and struggled and given up and fought back and gave up and felt abandoned but I just kept breathing. You can too. Lou gave our group the name Grief Warriors. We are warriors because of the emotional and physical body blows caused by grieving. Here we support and encourage each other. We have a warrior here named George who suffers and struggles constantly but he keeps breathing too. Don’t give up. It’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better. Your world has been turned upside down and it sucks! The number one rule is to be very gentle and compassionate with yourself. We are here for you. Gary

 

Auggie, I agree with everything my
younger brother, Gary, from Indiana,
said. I'm the oldest of 4 brothers: Gary,
George, from Illinois, and Chad, from
Texas. Welcome to our band of brothers,
The Grief Warrior widowers, Auggie.
Hope you stay on GIC with us. Lou

 

My heart goes out to you, I have no words to say how sorry I am to hear of the sudden loss of your dear wife, and at such a young age too. The title you have chosen expresses just how I lost my husband suddenly too, at 57 yrs of age, unexpectedly to a heart attack. Sunday lunch all together, in the afternoon he was gone! You are in shock now, it will all seem surreal, as if it's not really happening, as if you're watching as a spectator and it isn't really you experiencing this, as if you're going through a bad dream which won't end. All perfectly normal feelings. Your son needs you now more than ever. I know it may sound impossible now, but you will both give each other strength to go on, he is a part of her, and you too will always have a part of your soulmate living through you. I have a son and a daughter in their twenties, and at first, I felt useless and helpless without my husband by my side. Their dad taught them everything about life, I had always been more of a "mother hen",but now they are the ones giving me a reason to go on each day, I can't let them down. We continue making decisions as if their dad was still here, his influence will remain forever, nothing can take this away from us. I involve him in everything I do, discussing with him, even if at times I get annoyed and ask him why did he go, we should have grown old together, how can he just disappear like that?
You have done the right thing joining us here, sharing with others who are going through the same loss of a life partner. We cannot take the pain away, but we can relate to every emotion you're experiencing and totally empathize with you. This site provides a release for our agony, we can pour out all our inner feelings, knowing we'll be understood, and nobody will say those words we don't want to hear right now : "life goes on". We just need empathy and a shoulder to cry on which is what we are here for.

 

My dear Rose of Italy, you and I, and other
Grief Warriors have come a long way
since those first painful, unsure steps, as
we joined GIC. The worst was rehashing
the memories of seeing our soulmates on
their last days on earth. Last night, at a bar
with a great blues band we had seen
before, I danced joyously to my favorite
blues song, which I've mentioned before:
Hootchie Cootchie Man, by Muddy Waters.
After the band stopped, I went up to the
lead singer/ harpist, who I'd met before,
told himabout Linda and pointed to her
cane. I said she had died over 4 yrs ago
and had never danced with me at this
place. He was moved, and I realized
Linda was with me that moment. Earlier
last night, I was sitting at a table across
from a woman I'd just met. She remarked
about my texting in the dark . I told her
I wasn't texting, but that I was reaching
out to a new member ( Auggie) on a site
called GIC. In the midst of joy, I needed to
lift up a new Grief Warrior on the
battlefield of grief. Lou

 

Lou, you won't believe it, but I don't talk much about my feelings with close family, and I don't really have any particular friends I feel comfortable with. You and all GIC warriors are the only ones I can pour my heart out to, we are all "in it" together, we are a team.
That song you mentioned is a great song, sung by a great artist, I have recently seen the film "Cadillac Records", the story of the careers of Chuck Berry, Muddy Waters and other 50s/60s artists. Wonderful movie with some of the best music ever produced.
Have a good dance night, John Travolta.
Rose

 

Thank you, Rose. Had a great time dancing
with my women friends---"just friends"--
and felt like I was the one who's the
Hootchie Cootchie Man. However, as The
DEB said after being discharged from the
hospital recently,we Grief Warriors will
always live a bittersweet existence in
this f*cked up world we live in. Mr. Grief
( as Karen named him) paid me a visit
when I woke up this morning and
reminded me that Linda will never be
physically by my side on this earth again,
and I cried. But, I dusted myself off, and
am looking forward to dancing at my
local cafe, where a country music band
is doing a tribute to Willie Nelson , on
his 90th ( ! ) birthday in April. The band
will be wearing cowboy hats, and
women will be wearing Texas style
blouses and cowboy hats, too. Last time
this band played, my friend , whose
soulmate also died, and I did not dance,
& were depressed. That will change
tonight. Lou Blues Cowboy

 

Thank yo all. I'll have to come back later. The stress has caused me to have blurred vision, and I'm having a hard time reading right now. but I'll try. We made the funeral arrangements today. I'm mentally exhausted. I just want to lie down, but I'm so bored. Would take my son out, but I'm to sick today. I'm lucky, I have a good boy.

 

No pressure to post right now, Auggie.
You amaze me that you're able to
participate on GIC right now, with all
you have to do, and the terrible emotions
which go with it. I hope your vision clears
up soon. I was a basket case the first year
after Linda died, and was drinking too
much & staying out late at the 2 year sad
anniversary of Linda's death. My grief
counselor suggested I give up drinking, &
I did. Aside from mourning Linda, I feel
better physically, mentally, and, for the
most part, emotionally, and try to enjoy
each day.

 

You brought back a lot of memories for me. Country Western dancing and music was were Jim and i connected and became more than friends. We did the whole game. Big hats and fancy shirts, bolos etc. We had a lot of fun and had a lot of friends joining us. I still have a hard time hearing any country or western style music. I hope you enjoy your night of music and dancing. Do a two step for us

 

Im sorry for your loss. You are brave to join us so early after losing part of your heart. The feelings you described are normal. You're blessed to have a support system. Even with it its better to talk to.people that understand what you are going through. You and your son will learn to lean on each other. He will be your motivation to keep moving. I lost my Gant 3 years ago and we have 2 small kids. I pray for strength everyday to get through for them and to be around to see them.get older. They are my reason to move everyday. I mainly talk to people when I reach out to them. Seems like we're a last minute thought to everyone. That's y I push harder because I no my main support system is gone.
I pray for your strength with each passing day.

 

Thank you, "Ceee". Would it be OK to ask
your 1st name and that of your husband?
My wife was Linda, and I'm Lou. People
called us L&L. I had a great time and
danced with women I didn't know,
for the sheer joy of it, while one of my
friends sat , with a glum expression. Lou

 

Dear Auggie,
There are no words that can be said to help you or make you feel better. The pain is unbearable. I know it because I too lost my love of many years. Feeling shock, PTSD, numbness are all normal. Even feeling guilt and anger are normal. Getting a grief counselor can help. Medicare for which you will soon be eligible is covering this for me and there are plenty of places that offer free services. I am glad you have support and have found this place to come and talk with people who really understand the pain. My lose was three weeks ago and the anguish comes in waves, but I must go on for my son just as you must go on for your son. I hope you have beliefs that give you some comfort. Please post as often as you need to. You will always find support her from people who care and understand.

 

Yes, friends are there for a moment and then expect you to move on. They make some effort, but not enough. I even told one friend, who I thought was very close, that I really needed to talk or at least text more. She was very understanding and changed nothing. My only really support ever was my husband who is now gone. Who do I turn to for help and advice? I can't believe he is really gone, but he is. I try to have faith in God, but I am weak and so sad.

 

Oh Daisy, your words: "My only real support was my husband" ring so true. That says it all in a nutshell. That is the worst part of our loss, no more moral support, and I hate myself because it's something I took for granted, knowing my C would always be there for us. We got through so many difficult situations together, but this one was beyond us, unfortunately. I know he thought the same about me too, and in a way, we were right to do so, because being in our fifties when he suddenly died two years ago, we weren't asking for the moon, we were expecting to grow old together, we could have had at least another thirty years.
I don't want to burden my children with my sorrows, depression and so on, they deserve to live their lives happily and free from worrying about me. At their age, living and working in London, I had no problems, a straightforward easy life. I try not to give them too many responsibilities but running a house and property all on my own, is beginning to get too heavy for my shoulders. I'm always telling them: "don't worry, I'll take care of that", but I'm starting to notice so much maintenance that needs doing. We have all the equipment to do it, a shed full of electrical/mechanical appliances, my C was a real DIY lover, always fixing, painting, drilling, renovating, weldering, and so on. My heart breaks into little pieces when I look at that stuff and look at the repairs that need doing, but I don't know how to take care of them and I don't know how to use those appliances. Some of them are so heavy, I can't even lift them up. I can't keep calling workers to do everything, apart from the cost, I just haven't got the mental strength to deal with all the organization. I managed to revarnish all the railings last Spring, I hope to do the same with our front and back yard gates, this year. I can take care of little repairs with the help of my kids, and I do what I can in our fields, but it's never enough, well, at least these jobs keep my mind occupied, my "nature therapy", as I call it. We do have a very good friend/handyman for our firewood provision, luckily, but he is so busy doing many other jobs for the whole neighborhood, and I feel a bit guilty disturbing him too much.

Wishing you and all my fellow warriors a peaceful day.
Rose

 

This sucks! I want to read, but my vision is just to screwed up. 3 days now of blurred vision. It's one of the Chemo reactions, mixed with the stress of this week. Today, I have to start working on her accounts. We kept separate accounts, and bills. ( long story ). But it's going to be a nightmare now fixing everything. My son Nick is doing ok, but the emptiness of the space she occupied for so long is disturbing. I just feel this emptiness. It's like, your space is still here, why aren't you in it? The pets miss her. I can tell. I try to only cry when Nick is sleeping now. Have to show him how to cope, and survive. I told him, life isn't over, it's just changing, that's what it does.

 

Auggie, just woke up at 6:30am. I was
going to say "my time", as I usually do,
then remembered that you live in
Massachusetts, as I do. That's horrible
about your vision side effects. If you can
read any of this: CAN YOU ASK SOMEONE,
MAYBE YOUR SON , NICK, TO READ OUR
POSTS TO YOU, AUGGIE? WE HAVE A
MEMBER, PATTI, FROM SOUTH CAROLINA,
WHO HAD VISION PROBLEMS, ALSO, AND
USED CAPITAL LETTERS. YOU ARE BRAVE
TO TRY TO BE ON HERE. WE DON'T WANT
TO LOSE YOU. I'M ABOUT TO READ THE
REPLIES TO YOU FROM OUR NEW MEMBER, DAISY, FROM N.Y. AND ROSE,
FROM ITALY. BROTHER LOU