Am I still a mother?

Discussion in 'Loss of Adult Child' started by Brihau, Sep 30, 2020.

  1. Brihau

    Brihau Active Member

    When I lost my husband, I became a widow. Now, I’ve lost my only child, my precious daughter. If I talk about being a mother with a new acquaintance, they just give me a pitying look. I still consider myself a mother, I have the same emotional ties and feelings. Has anyone else had the experience that someone has made you question your identity as a mother?
    Lostmom202022 and Kathleen 56 like this.
  2. Kathleen 56

    Kathleen 56 Active Member

    You are a mother. Sometimes people don’t know how to respond. Keep talking about her. I talk about mine no matter how they feel. Yes I get strange looks but continue talking. You will always have the love and tie to your daughter. Keep it going. Peace to you.
    kstanford92 and Momof3sons like this.
  3. Brihau

    Brihau Active Member

  4. Brihau

    Brihau Active Member

    Thank you for the kindness. I looked at your tribute page, your daughter was truly beautiful. I hope you can find some moments of peace in this life.
    Momof3sons likes this.
  5. SAE

    SAE New Member

    Yes, you are a mother. Nothing can change that. I lost my only son when he was 37, in July2020. I am still a mother. I still have good memories and bad memories, just no new memories. I grieve and I am angry at most things. It is hard. You are a mother, never doubt it.
    kstanford92 and Momof3sons like this.
  6. Brihau

    Brihau Active Member

    Thank you, I know your loss. My thoughts are with you and all of the other moms trying to live through this.
    Momof3sons likes this.
  7. mskelli

    mskelli Member

    i lost my daughter who had just turned 33,i have other children and when i get asked i always include her and say im mom to 3 and an angel mom to 1. i feel so uncomfortable saying that tho,because i dont want pity but i also feel its disrespectful to not include her because i am still her mother and she is still my child
    kstanford92 likes this.
  8. Brihau

    Brihau Active Member

    they are forever our babies
  9. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    You will always be her mother. I still include my son in my prayers. At first I always included our son when asked. But as time went on, I was more comfortable just naming the one son who is still here. If I talk with someone and feel the need to include Shawn, I do-but usually this is only when I feel it will be helpful.
    God's strength to you.
  10. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    You must always do whatever feels right for you, not them. You are the one who needs healing, not them. And remember anyone who has not lost a child will never be able to understand the anguish it is. They may think they do, if they have lost someone they love, but I believe the loss of a child is the hardest grief. It takes a lot of hard work to get through it. Try to be glad that they haven't had to go through the awful pain you are going through. I love you.
  11. mybeautyki

    mybeautyki Member

    how do I answer that? lost my son on September ? my therapist told me too ask??. am I still a mother??
  12. Brihau

    Brihau Active Member

    I am very sorry for your loss. You will get through this. It isn’t a wound that heals, it’s something we carry with us, like the love for our children. We are mothers, we held them, fed them, comforted them, sometimes we argued with them, sometimes we laughed with them. Our connection to our children is as strong now as it ever was. We need to keep the memories alive, we need to say their names. We need to be strong enough to carry the grief along with the love.
    Momof3sons likes this.
  13. Brihau

    Brihau Active Member

    I feel like I’ve been stabbed in the heart , maybe I’m a zombie.
  14. You are always a mother my dear. HUGS
  15. Lostmom202022

    Lostmom202022 New Member

    I've wondered this also