Almost 10 years and feels like yesterday!

My husband passed in 2017 at the age of 55 suddenly of a heartache. Unfortunately our children found him at time the children were 12, 10, 8, 5, the oldest 3 were his step children. We had been together for 10 years. I always thought it would get easier but I was wrong! It is getting harder and I'm becoming to realize the reason it's getting harder is because our daughter is getting older, and he is missing out on all her milestones, which is really hurting me. I miss him more and cry more than I did at the beginning. I am not the same. I'll never be the same. I hate the person I am. I've distanced myself from everyone and it's getting worse.