All my joy is gone

I lost my husband last month to cancer, we were married 20 year, he passed away in our home, I can't seem to sleep in our room, I sleep on the couch or the chair, if I sleep, I was his main caregiver for the most last part of his life, I never thought I would be in this place, alone and feeling empty, our home is just an empty space with walls, I see his things everywhere, I am not ready to go through anything yet, my heart beats but it's not the same. I can't be in that apartment by myself, It's too quiet that's when you know you are truly all alone and no one is there, no one to talk to, no one to look at, no one to watch your favorite movie with, nothing just emptiness.

 

Jeanne, my heart goes out to you. I see by
your info that I'm old enough to be your
father, but as I've learned on Grief in
Common, it doesn't matter how old we are,
or how long we were with our soulmates.
My wife. Linda, died suddenly, in front of
me, 3 & a half years ago. She was 68. We
were married 25 years, no children. She
was my best ( & only ) friend and family.
The shock of Linda's death, and my
despair at living without her, sent me to
a grief counselor. She suggested books on
grief, but basically let me cry in her
home/ office. She also recommended
GIC,but I didn"t join until July of 2021.
I'm glad I did, bc many people welcomed &
comforted me here. I want to do the same
for you. May I ask your husband's name?
Saying Linda's name on this site has
kept her spirit alive, even though she is
not physically by my side anymore. I hope
you will stay with us. Lou

 

Thank you Lou, I feel my heart may never repair. I never imagined a life without him. His name is Rex. I have no family close by my friends are about 2 hours away. So when I can I go see them.

 

Jeanne, thank you so much for getting
back to me, and sharing Rex's name. When
I joined GIC, I was broken & had no
friends. My BEST friends are on this site,
and I know they will reach out to comfort
you , as they did me. I live alone in an
apartment, but Linda didn't live here
with me. I moved after she died, bc we
lived in a bldg, which we hated, & I had
to get out of there, and start anew. I
know your situation is different, but I
hope you can walk outside, in the fresh
air, in nature. I have sad days, but being
outside, after a long winter, is lifting my
spirits. Please try to keep on GIC. If you
don't feel like posting, you can always
tap "LIKE" to other posts. Lou

 

Hi Jeanne. I am terribly sorry that you lost Rex so recently. My name is Gary and I lost my girlfriend Cheryl suddenly and unexpectedly 5/7/21 to obstructive sleep apnea that caused a cardiac arrest. I’m scatter brained right now. Tomorrow my brother Mark and niece Laura and I are going to Cheryl’s resting place. It’s almost been a year and it seems some where between yesterday and 10 years ago. I’ve had to make an all out effort to survive this. It truly is our worst nightmare. I found a local grief support group and started counseling immediately. However the grief group met bimonthly so there was a huge void in being with other people who were supportive and aware of loss. I didn’t find GIC until till last October. Here I have made real friends with people who understand. We share similar experiences with each other. We cry and laugh together. We encourage each other and keep trying to step forward the best we can. Google centerforloss.com. There you will find the 6 needs of the mourner. It’s an article that will jumpstart you on your grief journey. Please read. Stay connected. Ask as many questions as you can here or just read what people are talking about. The most important feeling to aquire in a support group is the feeling of belonging. And let me assure you that you belong here. Please don’t try to do this alone. You are never alone here. Gary

 

Hi Jeanne, I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my David Unexpectedly on Feb. I know the pain. I joined the site but find it hard to post. I come every so often to check in There are wonderful people here who care and will support you. Gary, Lou Deb- even if you can’t talk to much now sometimes just checking in and reading
posts gives a. bit of light. Sending love and support.
Alex

 

Alex, it's so good to see you on here today,
reaching out to comfort Jeanne. After
Linda died 3 & a half years ago, I felt it
was my mission to help people on their
grief journey. When I joined GIC in July
of 2021, it was a perfect opportunity to
do just that. I was welcomed , at first, by
Patti and Karen. Later, I became close
friends with Robin , Deb, & other widows,
and my 3 younger widower "brothers":
Gary, George, and Chad. I'm glad you're
"listening " to us, even if you're not up to
posting. Lou

 

Jeanne,

I'm so very sorry your husband Rex, your "person," has died. Words are so inadequate at times, especially now, but since words are all I have, I hope you know how very sorry I am. I can (almost) feel your pain... I had to reach for a tissue as soon as I read Rex recently died. My husband, Bob, died April 11, 2021 at 3:45 a.m. Bob suffered from many serious illnesses, all treated as chronic heath conditions, all kept under control by medications, (until the beginning of 2018), prescribed by the many specialists who treated him. Like Rex, one of the things Bob suffered from was cancer. Like you, I was Bob's full time caregiver from the beginning of 2018, up until the second he died.

There is so much I want to say to you, but I have some errands I want to do before it gets much later. I don't want to end up fighting rush hour traffic. However, I couldn't read your heartbreaking message without letting you know how sorry I am you had to find us, but how glad I am you did. You have already "met" Lou, Gary, and Alex, some of my GIC friends. As Gary said, "you belong here." Welcome to our GIC "family." I hope you will stick around, give us the chance to get to "know" you, and you the chance to get to "know" us.

I really need to go, or else I could end up "talking" to you for a very long time, writing you one of my "books," as Lou and I refer to them, "talking" to you for such a long time, I would end up stuck in that rush hour traffic. So, stopping here (for now). I will be back when I have more time. Until then...

Sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Alex, I think I may of asked you this before but again, what part of Calif do you live? I'm in northern Calif.

 

This is Karen who posted where are you in Calif.

 

i live in Simi Valley. It’s in Ventura County

 

Where do you live Karen?

 

I know Simi Valley, I used to live in Reseda. Now I live in El Dorado County, between Sacramento and Tahoe in the sierra foothills where all the fires were the last couple of years.

 

Totally understand. Moved out of our apartment less than a month after- just couldn't stand it. Went to an independent living place where they provide meals and housekeeping for two months. It really was helpful, especially since most of the other ladies there were widows. It helps to get out some. Things I have found helpful are: senior groups at church/senior center, go read a book and get a cup of tea at a bookstore like Barnes and Noble, go for a ride in the country (fortunately we have the mountains nearby, and that is wonderful.). The first month I would get alone at night and listen to songs that spoke about our love and would have a good cry. That was very therapeutic. Places where you can be with people but not have to interact a lot, like church are good. Everyone is different. Can tell you it has been three months and things are better. Prayer- knowing that God is always with me has been huge. It says in the Bible that He has a special place in His heart for widows. May God encourage your heart- He is a Man of Sorrows and acquainted with grief.

 

Karen, In what year you were in Reseda? I used to live in Encino, in 1995, sometimes I think this word is small, we all are connected. Hekena

 

PS, I even make mistakes writing my name, this is Helena.

 

Quiet Lady, so good to see you on here
again, comforting Jeanne. You & I talked
a few months ago, but I forget your name
& that of your husband's . My wife, Linda,
died suddenly, in front of me, 3 & a half
years ago. She was 68. We were married
25 years, no children. I remember that
you moved to be with other people, in an
independent living environment, which is
a good thing. I see that you live in S.C.
The first person to welcome me when I
joined Grief in Common ( GIC), was Patti,
in South Carolina. Later, I met my good
friend, Deb, from your state. I live on the
northern coast of Massachusetts, and
love the ocean. As you said, everyone is
different, & I'm glad you have the
majestic mountains. May I ask your
name & your husband's again? Lou

 

Helena, don't feel bad. I recently referred
to myself as "Log". I wonder if Karen
picked up on this!She used to spot my
blooper typos. & it was a running gag
between us......Lou

 

wish we were closer so we could visit.